NSA Relationship (Rules You Need to Follow)

Something you read a lot in dating advice today is the golden rule: “If you like a guy, don’t sleep with him!”

It’s something you hear a lot too, from your friends, family members, and just about everyone else you know. If you sleep with a guy too soon, he won’t like you and the relationship will fizzle out.

This common dating pattern is so well known we’ve invented words to describe it, like Booty Call, NSA relationships, one night stands and hook-ups.

And of course your first reaction to all these rules might be a very common sense reaction.

“Why is it that women are not allowed to be sexual and to have NSAs like men are?”

Why are the women always guilted and why are the men always excused?

That’s a good question and believe me, I would be the first to fight for fair and equal treatment among the sexes.

But here’s the bigger issue. Yes, women can have one night stands, just like men do, and they shouldn’t be shamed for it. There’s no reason why you shouldn’t hesitate to sleep with a guy you like…

IF you understand that one night stand dates are NOTHING like long-term relationship dates. That’s where it gets tricky because sometimes feelings can develop and that’s when negative outcomes like heartbreak, disappointment, shame and regret can happen.

It might be a good idea to read the “rules” of an NSA relationship before making up your mind to take that chance. Knowing what to expect and knowing how men usually think will help you to avoid making a mistake, one that could actually cause a lot of pain and regret. Let’s consider the six most important rules about NSA dating and then discuss why they make sense.

1. Understand that it’s 99% likely this relationship will go nowhere.

While it’s always fun to fantasize about falling in love with your FWB (like what happens in the movies) statistically speaking it’s very unlikely. Men usually don’t bond with women they hop into bed with right away. That’s why you must be emotionally prepared to say goodbye – at any time – and not hold him to any expectations. He doesn’t have to commit to you. Frankly, he doesn’t even have to be your friends. Many one night stands will fail to become Friends with Benefits. Are you okay saying goodbye whenever he feels like disappearing?

2. Don’t try to turn your ex, or a friend, or someone you like into a FWB.

Friends with benefits are truly a unique category and when you have crossover categories (like a friend you try to sleep with and then hope you can stay friends) it never seems to work. Sex changes a relationship. It usually ruins friendships and it only complicates feelings with your ex. There must be at least four categories in your love life: your true love (some day), your evil ex (forget him), your FWB (nice guy, nothing in common though) and your NSA crush (who you will probably never see again). Combine these categories and that’s when drama starts.

3. Always use protection unless you get tested.

STDs are a real thing and despite myths going around that it’s statistically unlikely to happen, it CAN happen and does happen more often than people think. It’s less likely to happen if the guy uses a condom and uses it correctly. You can still get an STD from oral sex or any other kind of sex so if he wants it to feel natural, he shouldn’t mind getting tested.

4. Respect the other person’s boundaries. You don’t have to be good friends.

In general, it’s best not to be a part of this person’s life. Even if you do decide to because FWB, don’t be surprised if they keep you 100 miles away from their family, friends and business associates. These worlds don’t mix and they don’t want to give any vibes of commitment. In fact, most FWB don’t actually hang out that often after sex. They prefer to be alone or hang out with their other friends. So don’t act surprised if he wants you to leave afterward.

It’s also important to establish sexual boundaries BEFORE you start having the affair. Don’t let him pressure you into doing something you don’t want to do and don’t assume he’s going to do everything you ask. Talk about these things in advance to avoid hurt feelings and misunderstandings.

5. Don’t become possessive.

Just because you have found a FWB doesn’t mean that he is only sleeping with you. In fact, it’s not really fair that you demand such a thing, since that sounds like a boyfriend, not a friend with benefits who has complete freedom. Actually, demanding favors from your FWB, or expecting romantic gifts, or wanting some form of pseudo-commitment from him are actually red flags. He’s going to think you’re needy and will try to end the relationship ASAP.

6. Be selfish in bed…and do the things you’re not going to do in a real relationship.

NSA affairs are selfish by nature, even though that’s certainly no excuse for rude behavior. You can be selfish with each other and yet still polite and agreeable. So it’s okay to experiment with somebody that you don’t care about romantically and try some of those more adventurous affairs while you’re single. Let’s face it, there are some kinks you might have that are not very compatible with a long-term relationship. (What kind of freaky stuff? Well that’s a subject for another article!) By focusing on your own pleasure and NOT pretending as if this is a real relationship that’s going to grow, you can check things off your bucket list and live without regret.

Remember that these rules are usually based on dating scenarios that have happened and tend to go terribly wrong. That’s why reviewing some of these rules is a good idea before making a decision on a hunch. When we “improvise” and play it by ear in dating, we can oftentimes make emotional decisions and that’s what leads to misunderstandings and sometimes even life-altering mistakes. Stay safe and don’t invest more than you can afford to lose.

About The Author

Matthew Coast

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