Leave Him Alone and He’ll Come Back – Does This Work?

One of the first steps in getting your ex back is what I like to call the “no contact” period, or if you will, the detox stage. Yes, just like any unhealthy substance, an “addiction” to a relationship that is completely one-sided must be treated like an addiction. Your post breakup stage must allow you to detoxify your mind of all that negative energy and bad memories.

That begs the question, if you completely leave him alone and “shun him” or snub him completely, will he come back?

That’s your worst fear, isn’t it? That he will forget about you if he isn’t reminded of the love you once had together. It seems logical…

And yet it’s a terrible, self-sabotaging idea. It’s your anxiety talking. It’s a panic response and it’s exactly what he does NOT want to see.

This is why we can safely agree that leaving him alone is a great idea – because you allow him the chance to miss you. If you’re always there, coddling him and persuading him to take you back, he will never feel like the decision to get back together is HIS decision.

On that subject though, it is very possible that “leaving him alone” is only half the battle. In terms of strategy, there are other steps to remember when trying to get your ex back. Here are five steps that go along with leaving him alone and forgetting them may actually backfire on you.

1. Don’t “wait” for him. Live life!

This is a major step, I feel, and yet it’s one that a lot of women might actually “fast-forward” through, assuming that as long as their ex misses them, the plan will work. Not true! Improving yourself, living a better quality life and becoming more attractive is crucial to winning him back.

When he misses you he’s going to think of how great things were…but when he sees you NOW, today, in the present, he’s going to be blown away at how exciting your life has become. He must see you as successful, happy and at peace with yourself. Don’t fake it…be it!

2. Give him time to realize that it’s his attitude that makes him unhappy, not you.

Giving a man total freedom (not waiting for him, mind you, but letting him go) allows him to “find himself” and chase after whatever it is that he feels he’s missing in life. What is it, exactly? Better sex, a better job, a purpose in life? These are things that can be easily changed, regardless of a relationship. Soon enough, your ex will realize that ending the relationship did him no favors at all.

He will still have the same problems as before. The only difference is, this time he won’t have you by his side supporting him. That’s when he’ll realize he made a big mistake. And it will be time for him to swallow his pride and try to win you back…IF you want him back.

3. Let him know that you are attractive and desired by other men.

This does wonders for your self-confidence and dramatically increases his attraction to you. Men sometimes become too complacent in a long-term relationship and forget just how beautiful you are – when you feel confident, sexy and free.

By posting your best pictures on social media, looking your best every day, and flirting OR being friendly with everyone you meet, you will be reminded of just how gorgeous you look to a stranger.

And guess who will notice your new magnetism? That’s right, your ex who will finally realize how dumb he was to let you get away!

4. Be busy! (No, busier than that!)

Another common mistake: Letting him miss you until he comes crawling back…and then you jump back into his arms ready to drown him in affection. Wrong! Even though you have a big heart and that’s a good thing, the problem is you’re still not dealing with the breakup or redefining the relationship.

You must carry your confidence, projecting what I call your “high value” as a person. This means that you’re not so easily available to him. It’s not because you’re bitter or petty. It’s simply because you have a new life without him, and it wouldn’t be fair to your friends, family and YOURSELF, to abandon everything just because he wants you back. This goes along with the next point…

5. Be strong enough to challenge him and redefine the relationship on new terms.

Don’t make the mistake of falling for a charade, when he comes back. He may be emotional and dedicated to winning you back. And that’s all well and good.

But the bigger question is: Has he really changed? What makes you think things will be different this time? It’s not up to YOU to persuade him to change.

It’s up to HIM to convince you and SHOW you that he has in fact changed for the better. This time when you let him “chase you”, make sure you address the old relationship and how things didn’t work out. Let him show you that he’s matured into a better man, just as you have matured into a better woman.

This is why the relationship will be more positive in the future and last longer – because you’ve both grown individually and you will avoid making the same mistakes of the past.

New relationships are NOT about getting back together and recreating the same dysfunctional dynamic. As you already feel in your heart, the “old” will not last. You have to recreate the relationship on better terms, on your terms and his terms. New terms, with a view towards compromise and more independence for the both of you.

This self-empowered approach to getting back together with your ex changes the entire dynamic. It repairs the communication and relationship imbalance that threatened the relationship in the first place.

You CAN get back together with your ex, but makes sure you do it the right way!

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Talk soon,

Matthew Coast

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About The Author

Matthew Coast

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