Is the Situation With Your Ex Hopeless?

We all make mistakes, don’t we? And sometimes one mistake can have devastating consequences. Maybe the relationship you had with your ex was the best thing that ever happened to you.

But maybe because of impulsive thinking, or some other bad situation, you made a big mistake and lost everything. Your ex didn’t just break up with you…he made it clear that things were over, once and for all.

It’s what you might call a “hopeless situation.” It’s hopeless, not just because he had a good reason to break up with you, but also because there was a “deal breaker” somewhere and it was beyond what he could forgive.

The truth is, we all have them. Those “deal breaker” behaviors that we just can’t forgive and forget. At the start of the relationship we make them very clear. Your partner understands…and if he breaks that trust, the relationship suffers immensely.

Your partner’s not just disappointed – his trust in you is broken.

What is that deal breaker? I really don’t know. It could be anything.

To many women, obviously, physical violence from a man is a deal breaker. She won’t put up with it.

To many men, infidelity, emotional abuse, drug addiction, or disrespect to his family are deal breakers that he can’t forgive.

Maybe the deal breaker is something different. Maybe it’s not about what HAPPENED between you, but rather, what’s happening NOW.

As in, he’s married to someone else or he’s living in another state far away from you. In either event, it seems like a hopeless situation. So that’s what this article is about – giving you a little hope, even when it seems like there’s none.

Let’s consider three situations or what I call “light at the end of the tunnel” factors that might give you hope…

1. The timing isn’t right at the moment. But someday that might change.

Here’s the truth: if you really love a man you can wait for him. Maybe the timing is all wrong. Maybe he does have feelings for you, but is in a new relationship. Or maybe he still holds a grudge over something that happened years ago.

Either way, only time passing can resolve these situations. Maybe that relationship will fizzle out and he’ll come to realize he still has feelings for you. Maybe someday his heart will find peace and he’ll be able to let go of the hurt of the previous relationship.

Time passing – and of course, NOT constantly texting him or phoning him – is the only option when getting back together is a no-go. Remember that it’s not always about YOU – sometimes it’s just really bad timing. Accepting this is the mature thing to do and is proof of your love for him. If you love someone, sometimes the kindest thing you can do is let him go for the time being.

2. The relationship was not a failure. You both learned something and you were both a part of each other’s lives. Sometimes friendship can be just as important as a romance.

Part of the grief you may feel is the idea that the relationship “failed”. The truth is, it wasn’t just one person’s fault. Sometimes incompatibility issues are too strong and it’s IMPOSSIBLE for two people to live together. Literally impossible, because they’ll hate each other if they don’t break up.

However, that doesn’t mean it was all in vain. You still had great years together. You fit each other for a time and were good for each other at a time when you both needed companionship.

Better yet, you still have a friend. You can still be close with each other in a platonic way. You can still provide a listening ear (or eyes for texting) and confide in each other. You can have some of the joys of that old relationship, as long as you respect his boundaries and don’t invade his privacy.

Most importantly, you both learned a great deal from each other. Your ex romance will help you to grow in your perspective so that you don’t make the same mistakes in future relationships.

3. The bad dynamic between you will always exist…unless you change your behavior OR your perspective.

Finally, remember this. If you don’t like the way things are between the two of you, you can change the dynamic by either changing negative behaviors, or changing your perspective of the situation.

If he feels hostility towards you because of your lifestyle choices or other negative interactions you have together, try to work on self-improvement. Focus on changing those negative behaviors – not just for him, but because it will make you a better person. It will improve the quality of your life and create more positive relationships with others.

What if you’ve done nothing wrong and it’s just him and his bad attitude?

Then changing your perspective, and your response to him, may be the best thing you can do. Stop feeding into his drama by giving him the response he wants. Change the way you deal with him. Either keep interactions positive or just ignore/avoid the conflict he brings.

In essence, you’re letting him know that you’re changing and that the old relationship is over. You’re not going to respond in the same way and keep that same dynamic going that caused the breakup. Now you’re trying something new.

What’s the hope here? When he sees that you’re changing, and becoming a new and more confident woman, he will be fascinated! He will realize that you’re not the same girl he remembers. You’re a mature woman and are now aware of your value. You’re not begging for his attention. You’re not reacting to negativity.

He will quickly realize that in order to please you, he has to work at it. He has to chase you again and start bringing more positive and respectful interaction to your conversation.

Seeing how much you’ve changed and how much happier you are now may be the best way to grab your ex’s attention…even against all odds, even if there’s very little hope.

If you react the same way as you always do, the relationship suffers. If you start changing the things you don’t like, you build self-confidence and you start building a NEW relationship from the ground up, with new rules, and a much better dynamic.

Don’t give up hope…just change your strategy!

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Talk soon,

Matthew Coast

P.S. If you’ve been banging your head against the wall because you’ve fallen for a man who’s frustratingly unavailable…

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About The Author

Matthew Coast

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