How to Make Your Ex Obsess Over You

Have you ever heard of method acting? It’s an interesting experiment, apart from being a career choice. When we “method act” we take on the perspective of another person, in order to gain new insight into what we feel about other people. Whether you call it role playing, method acting, or even just “empathizing” it all leads to the same conclusion.

You can learn a lot by seeing the world through another person’s eyes.

That’s one of the reasons I found it interesting to read over WHY people become obsessed with their exes in the first place. Over at Daily Mail, they reviewed some of the most common reasons why “we” all become obsessed with old relationships that never worked out. Some of the reasons were interesting…and quite surprising.

  • That person broke your heart
  • You feel you made a mistake
  • That person broke up with you and caught you by surprise
  • It was your first true love
  • The sex was really good
  • You actually did have a lot of fun together
  • You’re unhappy in life now
  • You still believe in destiny

And I found it interesting that some of these feelings can easily match up with with the principles we teach here on this blog, about being more feminine and becoming a stronger woman.

Usually, the reason why people “obsess” over a broken relationship is that they do NOT create a new healthy relationship to replace it. They don’t move on. They stay in the same place…and guess what happens to their partner? Success. Happiness. The Best Revenge, right?

No wonder the “other partner” becomes bitter!

But that’s why I’m giving you the warning now. Don’t become bitter. Don’t succumb to the grief. The best thing you can do to move on is also the best way to win him back.

Oh yes and it also happens to be the best way to make him feel jealous and obsessive!

Let’s review four attitudes that YOU can wear that will naturally make your ex feel like he’s lost something valuable.

1. I am so much happier now!

This is possibly the best way to make your ex jealous because in his mind, he sees you in only a negative way right now. He figures, you’ll never change. You’ll never get over the breakup. You’ll always be obsessed with him. And you’ll use whatever negative manipulation you can to lure him back.

Wrong! Now is exactly the time to stop playing into his game and to START living again. Start living for yourself and stop making him a project you have to work on. Refocus on finding ways to be happy away from him. Become reacquainted with the person you used to be BEFORE you met him.

Take up new hobbies, travel and become “busy” in life with career or something else that’s close to your heart. This is the kind of “change” he will find amazing. It’s not just superficial and there’s nothing fake about it. This is the kind of positive change that will amaze him…and that he will probably never see coming.

When you’re busy in life and really working on self-improvement, it gives you very strong, internal confidence. The kind that can’t be faked. The kind that creates a sort of “elephant in the room” feeling in the heart of a man who realizes, “WOW…she really became a better person AFTER she left me!”

Huge ego blow. And guess what? He’s starting to obsess about it!

2. I don’t regret the relationship we had…I’m not angry anymore.

Another trap: becoming hateful towards your ex. It’s just like the psychology article said – people feel obsessive and resentful about their ex because they feel they made a mistake. They can’t admit to themselves their mistake and so it drives them crazy.

Here’s how to turn it to your advantage.

Be friendly to him. Be approachable. Be casual and fun. Be JUST like you used to be before you were a couple. Going back to this casual, fun and friendly relationship shows him that you’re not bitter, you’re not harping on negativity.

And even better, you don’t regret ever meeting him or trying a relationship. You gave it your best show, it’s over, and now you’re moving on.

Now it’s his turn to wonder, “Why is she so cool about this? Why does she seem so well adjusted and I’m still feeling depressed and unhappy in life?”

It really gives you back your POWER when you’re able to let go of that hostility and resentment, and just let him know that you really are doing OK. No lies, no faking, no secret resentment. The relationship is over and you’re happier for it. That means he no longer has any power over you. He doesn’t get to dictate how you feel.

That’s when he starts to realize, “I really do care about what she thinks of me!”

He may even start to obsess over why you’re so happy and why’s he’s fighting all these ambivalent thoughts about wanting you back. After all, some men do love to chase what they can’t have!

3. He hasn’t EARNED intimacy. He is just a friend, no longer my lover or confident.

Not only is this attitude healthy for you (and it will prevent him from taking advantage of you) but it’s also going to make him nuts.

This is where you must exercise self-control. Not only do you avoid sleeping with him, but you also do NOT give him the emotional connection he craves.

Not until he earns it with genuine effort to reconnect. Because you can’t just give him the best of both worlds – friends with benefits and emotional confidant but not the love of his life. He will take advantage of this uneven relationship.

That’s giving away too much, not receiving enough from him.

You must show him that you are JUST a friend and NOT an emotional confidant or a lover, not until your new relationship changes. Your lack of trust in him WILL start to sting. After all, he once had that trust, he once had that intimacy. But he’s the one that ended it. And if he wants to get back together, he has to make the first move.

4. I am not the same woman he remembers. I am a mystery he can’t solve.

Lastly, if you really want to make a wild crazy with obsession, do NOT satisfy his curiosity. Tease him, keep him guessing, and make him work harder for that “honest answer” that he wants.

This is, after all, what attracts him to new women and new relationships – the element of the unknown.

So if you really want to compete with the other women he’s dating, do NOT do what is familiar. Don’t volunteer information the way you used to. Be friendly and flirty but don’t be so eager to please him with all the information he wants.

This makes him work harder to get information from you, and to charm you, and to win back your attention. A mysterious woman already entices men. Imagine your ex’s obsession when he realizes this a whole “new you” that he really doesn’t understand!

There…four attitudes that will make him batty. And we didn’t even have to talk about dating some other guy! These four attitudes are what work and they’re so much more effective than simple jealousy.

But of course, attracting his attention and making him jealous is not the same thing as making him fall in love. We’ll consider how to rekindle REAL LOVE in another article entitled How To Make Your Ex Fall In Love With You.

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About The Author

Matthew Coast

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