How to Make Sure You Orgasm (Women Only)

Has this ever happened to you? You’re going at it passionately, things are intense, moans and groans, everything’s fantastic…

Then…nothing happens. You keep moaning, he keeps trying his damndest and yet you can’t seem to find that elusive orgasm. It’s a mood killer sometimes…you may even panic and think something’s wrong.

And of course the guy freaks out because he can’t figure out what he’s doing wrong.

What happened is simple. Orgasms don’t always happen as easily as they seem to happen in movies. Even when they do happen they’re not always over-the-top, screaming, life-threatening intense like they’re depicted in porn. Orgasms come from a combination of mental readiness and physical stimulation.

In other articles on this site we discussed the importance of finding a relaxed environment, thinking sexy thoughts, and how to give yourself clitoral and G-spot orgasms. This time, we’re going to go a few steps further and actually discuss strategies that work if you’re not having orgasms naturally after intense stimulation. Here are six ideas that might work for you solo or during partner play.

1. Don’t just focus direct clitoral stimulation, play with INDIRECT stimulation.

Sometimes women go crazy over direct clit stimulation…and sometimes indirect friction works better. For example light clitoral stimulation, or even squeezing the clit, can help create intense feelings that might be more pleasurable than direct poking or rubbing.

2. Combine clitoral stimulation and G-spot touch / vaginal penetration.

If you’re having sex, never underestimate clitoral touching during penetration. Most women can’t orgasm vaginally unless they’re also having their clitoris pleasured at the same time. It may be difficult to do this during missionary, but much easier in positions like side-to-side and woman-on-top.

3. Buy a toy or two.

Vibrators are very effective and mechanizing the process, if you will. You still have to reach that point mentally, but having a “robot friend” do the rest is extremely helpful if you’re shy about touching yourself. There are clitoral vibrators (such as the powerful Magic Wand) or G-spot vibrators like Lelo.

Sex toy technology has come a long way (but still no one on the moon!) and so now we have hands free sex toys, simultaneous G-spot and clitoral stimulators, and even remote controlled internal “egg” vibrators.

The major advantage to sex toys over intercourse is that they have a perfectly consistent rhythm, unlike say your hand or even a lover’s hand, which will help you orgasm faster even without really “trying”.

And don’t believe anyone that tells you that you can become addicted to vibrators and not appreciate real sex anymore. That’s ridiculous and it’s usually just a lie some men tell because they’re threatened by the efficacy of a vibrator. Buying a sex toy is a coming-of-age experience that will actually help you to learn your body better.

This will help you to communicate more effectively with your lovers as regards rhythm and technique. And no real man has ever complained about helping a woman pleasure herself with a vibrator. Quickie sex is a normal and awesome part of life!

4. When in doubt, always go longer and add more foreplay.

If you’re having difficulty reaching orgasm and then feeling bad about missing that goal, it may be time to ELIMINATE that goal! Orgasm should not be the goal of a sexual experience and if it is, that could be contributing to stress. Women have performance anxiety just like men do.

Instead of worrying about reaching a goal, focus on adding more pleasure and NOT putting a time limit on it. Enjoy the softer moans. Enjoy the experience and work more sensual touching into the routine rather than just constant penetration or genital friction. Your mind and body may simply need more foreplay to feel ready.

If you’re with a partner, explain to him and guide him through longer foreplay. Pleasure him for longer periods of time and then let him pleasure you. Postpone orgasm and make love for hours instead. I think in most cases, simply getting rid of a “fast orgasm” goal and learning to relax will cause “involuntary orgasm” if you give it enough time.

5. Combine clitoral and G-spot orgasm with two hands.

This technique works for solo play or partner play. Massage your G-spot while caressing your clit using two hands. If you’re with a partner you can ask him to:

  • Lick your clit while you finger your G-spot
  • Stroke your G-spot while you play with your clit
  • Eat you out while you play with your clit
  • Lick your clit while he fingers your G-spot

There are a number of variations, including the 69 (mutual oral sex) position that could help you to have a stronger orgasm.

6. When things get anal, YOU take the lead.

Now this last tip isn’t for everybody but if your guy wants to try anal and you’re not opposed to it, there are a few very important reminders to be shared…

  • Use lots of lube, since any anal play can be dangerous and painful if it’s too dry
  • (Don’t spit…get real commercial lube for any anal play)
  • YOU take the lead, not the guy, since he probably doesn’t know what he’s doing
  • Always discuss beforehand and take it very slowly. Unless the sphincter muscle is completely relaxed, it’s simply not going to work
  • Try a finger first before any penetration
  • Communicate with each other frequently and you let him know if it feels good or not so good

There is no direct anal G-spot in women, technically speaking, but some woman can experience an indirect anal orgasm coming from the “tail end” of the G-spot, which is also connected to the clitoris. These “legs” of the clitoris are arousing for some women and press on the G-spot from the other side, the dark side of the moon, so to speak. There is also a deeper spot nearer to the cervix, which is known as the A-spot, as well as a “deep spot” (perineal sponge), which can be reached via penetration anally or vaginally. Even a finger can do the trick.

Lastly, as with any vaginal or anal play, it never hurts to combine that stimulation with direct clitoral stimulation. This makes sense considering they’re all connected together in a sort of “wishbone” shape.

The main point is, it’s always better if you can make yourself orgasm or get your lover to guide you to orgasm, doing what you know is going to work. Direct communication and blunt instructions work better than just waiting for him to make it happen.

In the end it’s more pleasurable for you, and it’s going to be better for his ego, since he wants you to orgasm above all else. Most men are perfectly fine with a “take charge” woman who knows what she wants in bed.

Give him the privilege of satisfying you in a way you know is going to work!

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Talk soon,

Matthew Coast

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Matthew Coast

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