How to Make Him Miss You (And Fight to Get You Back)

I remember having a conversation with an old friend of mine right after she broke up with her boyfriend. It was one of the saddest statements I’ve ever heard.

And she said it right after I tried to convince her to give him time alone and let him have his privacy.

She said: “But if I’m not there [constantly calling and texting him] then he’s going to realize that he’s happier without me and will forget about me!”

I felt so bad for her. It was obvious her self-esteem was so low at that moment. The priority was not getting her back together with her boyfriend, but helping her to heal her emotional wounds and gain back perspective on her life.

But her attitude reflects a lot of our fears about relationships. In the back of our minds, we’re always wondering: What if we break up and then my partner meets someone better?

Isn’t the “new love” always more exciting than the ex?

Usually, the answer is NO, the “new love” fizzles out and many exes actually get back together after that phase of exciting new sex fizzles out.

Sure, new sex is exciting. But once all the passion is released, that’s when people discover more important things like emotional and intellectual incompatibility, a lack of respect and a lack of love.

Before you know it, your partner is missing you – that special way that you always comforted him, consoled him, and supported him.

The truth is, it IS much harder to find true compatibility with a new partner than it is to miss that wonderful feeling of trust and intimacy that you once had.

The problem is that many women play their cards wrong when it comes to reading an ex’s signals. They end up chasing him away when they become too clingy. They’re so insecure they DOUBLE the negative associations so that the ex actually dislikes them even MORE.

Why does this happen? For the very simple fact that when you try so hard to win him back you are not letting him miss you.

That’s what I wish I could convey to these poor girls who are so heartbroken and so broken in spirit.

You need to be strong right now. And you need to understand the importance of an ex-boyfriend MISSING YOU. Missing you will be the greatest motivation he’s ever had, to get back together with you.

Not stalking him, not constantly texting or calling him, not even pleading for a second chance.

Doing nothing works better. Because when you cease all communication with him, THAT’S when he misses you. THAT’S when he becomes sullen and introspective and starts to think, “Hey…I really had a good thing going with her.”

Yes he did and at that moment, that’s when he realizes he let it go. That’s when he realizes his mistake.

The truth is that while NO COMMUNICATION (at all, whatsoever!) is an important step, at some point, you should reach out to him. It is quite possible that he will wait for you to make the first move. And if you follow these rules, you’ll be able to keep him kissing you and eventually put him in a frame of mind that makes him want to chase you all over again.

No Communication Rules

The first rule in making a man miss you is to completely end all communication. This is the “detox” stage, you might say. It’s not just about making him miss you – it’s also about you stopping the addiction to please him, and instead, reclaiming your own identity.

Besides, the BEST thing you can do for a man that wants to leave is just to let him go. It hurts, yeah, it really does.

But ultimately, you have to give him his freedom or he will resent you for it. When a man leaves, he wants independence. He wants privacy. He wants time to think and time to explore his future life without you.

A strong woman will give him what he wants, without argument, because she doesn’t NEED him to survive. She is in charge of her own life, her own happiness, and she will eventually get over him.

This is the most important step because it eliminates all conflict. You’re not stalking him, you’re not constantly trying to get his attention. You’re not begging. You’re simply letting go. He no longer has any reason to “resist” or fight.

Now he has a chance to miss you.

Of course, missing you is only going to happen if you refrain from all communication, including texting, calling, liking or commenting on social media, and NO in-person visits – even by accident. It’s very important to cease all communication at least for several months.

This will let him find himself and break you of that fear of losing him. Meanwhile…

You need to focus on staying busy and improving your quality of life. This is not just about feminism or about healing your ego. This is actually prep work for when you meet him again later on. He must sense that you’re happy, successful and feeling better than you’ve ever been.

Your confidence builds internally when you actually make positive changes in your life. Work on self-improvement, not for HIM, but for yourself. Take this opportunity to become the woman you want to be, to become the type of woman that attracts him and others just like him. Feel attractive again.

And yes, stay busy with your great new life because being a little too busy for him, and not being ALWAYS available like you used to be, will make him miss you!

The Final Move: Friendship Only

When it’s time to reach out to him, you have two tasks:

Show him there are no hard feelings. You’re cool being his friend.

Show him you are a BETTER version of yourself. You’re not the girl he remembers. You’ve become better, more successful, and busier. He wishes he could get to know the New You. You’re both familiar and exciting all at the same time!

Now you see why he has the desire to chase you and win you back. You’re no longer begging for his attention. Now he wants yours…and he has to earn it!