How to Kiss Better

Whoever thought up kissing, anyway? Objectively speaking, it seems like a weird thing to do. I put my lips to yours, yours to mine, we close our eyes and then the magic happens. That special quality called chemistry. That great and fantastic kiss that is the climax of every romantic movie and novel.

Well, it’s a good thing that kissing activates the pleasure centers of our brain and actually feels amazing…otherwise, who would bother kissing?

That was the conversation going on at Live Science—namely, did we “learn” kissing or is it actually a biological instinct that humans have? Those who theorize that kissing was a learned habit state that it may have originated when mothers chewed food for their babies and then passed it to them, bird-style. Additionally, anthropologists observe that in some aboriginal tribes, men and women don’t kiss at all.

Those who believe kissing is an instinctive urge point to animal behaviors that seem similar to kissing, such as rubbing noses together or even more obvious kissing behaviors like Bonobos monkeys exhibit.

The most common belief, though perhaps unproven, is that we may kiss because it helps us in the selection of a good mate. Pheromones travel and exchange biological information about the sexual chemistry and genetic advantages each mate has for children. According to the article, experts believe women prefer scents and kisses of men whose genes for “certain immune system proteins” are vastly different from what they already have.

So that’s the theory on why we kiss…of course, most of us are content with the more straightforward theory that kissing feels good, it is a romantic and sexual experience all its own, and it’s a good preview for what to expect from a guy in the bedroom.

Oh but wait a minute…does that mean he also is evaluating your romantic potential from a kiss? Probably…so rather than leave this to intuition, let’s review five classic kissing rules on how to kiss better that will ALWAYS impress a man.

1. Freshen up beforehand and make sure the timing is just right.

Leaving the First Big Kiss to chance is a mistake. Before you move in for some action, consider how you smell, what you taste like, where you are, and what you’ve been talking about. Think about what he’s doing too since the only way to ensure a really good kiss is to make sure you’re both feeling comfortable and in the moment.

This means brushing your teeth, and or having a mint, as well as using lip balm or chap stick to make sure your lips are fuller and soft.

It also means considering the context of the situation and conversation. Don’t force a kiss…you will regret it. For that matter…

2. Always let the guy lead. But feel free to throw some really good signals out there.

Obviously, it’s a mistake to surprise-kiss a man who’s not expecting it. Who do you think you are, Dot from Animaniacs? Seriously, though…many women are so afraid of being seen as overly aggressive that they never give a man any signals at all.

This is a bad idea. You have to understand that men are nervous about kissing in general, and not just because of shyness. Some of them are rightfully paranoid about coming across as too “rapey” and forcing a kiss on you. Which, of course, is followed by a slap to the face and gossiping to all your mutual friends.

That’s why I believe kissing should be instigated by a woman but actually delivered by a man. He leads, you follow. Men want to be romantic and lead, true.

But many men won’t make a move until they get romantic vibes from you. The guy you like might never take a chance if he doesn’t see any positive signals coming your way. If you like a guy but wait for him to make a move, then you may be disappointed. He doesn’t know how to interpret your “respect”, your admiration and your comfort. He needs that romantic air.

That’s why it’s good to give him positive signals such as:

• Longer and more intimate eye contact, no fear!
• A moment of silence, no empty or nervous conversation
• Looking at his lips as well as his eyes
• Giving him a compliment that can definitely be construed as “I like you…not as a friend!”
• Laughing or talking in a slightly higher tone, a sexier voice

You don’t have to be aggressive in making a move but you can let him know that you consider him attractive and would not be opposed to kissing him…if and when he makes a move.

3. Control the pace—don’t let it go too fast or too out of control!

Resist the urge to French-kiss too soon and to generate too much saliva. Take things slow and let him feel comfortable slowing it down. Don’t go on the “offensive” so to speak, but instead be spontaneous and experimental in the way your lips touch.

Kiss softly at first. Follow his lead and remember to push your jaw out slightly so he can reach you. When he tilts in one direction, tilt in the opposite direction so you can better “fit” each other. Focus on his upper and lower lip and gently suck on them.

It’s good to keep tight eye contact when you both go in for a kiss, but when you do embrace close your eyes and feel the energy and chemistry of the moment.

He will be leading, so mirror the way he kisses. Imitate his speed of kissing. If he seems to “slow down” or go to a stop, you can then take the lead and let him know you want to continue.

Breathe through your nose if you want the kiss to last longer. Or, if you want a little more passion, breathe through your mouth or inside your partner’s mouth for a “breathless” feeling.

4. Think outside the lips!

Lastly, after the first few kisses mix it up a bit by making it more of a full body experience. Kiss him outside the lips, on his chin or above or beside his lips. Then, use your hands to touch his back and go into a “dance” position.

5. Remember to keep each kiss “mindful” of what you feel.

Release all the anxiety and let yourself feel the joy in the moment. While exchanging feedback is a good move later on, for the first time be sure to pay close attention to your partner’s sounds, body language and eyes (in between kisses). Learn to respond to his energy, his desire and complement that feeling.

Master this and you will be a great kisser exceeding all of his expectations!

About The Author

Matthew Coast

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