How To Keep Your Man (Without Selling Your Soul)

We’ve heard a lot of talk about how keeping a man and being a strong, independent woman is sometimes in direct conflict.

Men want women who worship them, or that’s what people seem to think, and the only way to really keep a man (through all trials and temptations) is to give him whatever he wants. Because only then will he feel manly and in control.

And unfortunately, I have seen this philosophy misapplied so many times in relationships and they all end badly.

What usually happens is that the woman lies to herself that she’s doing what she has to do to keep her man interested. Whatever it takes, right? Because no other man is willing to do what she does.

If he wants absolute freedom, she gives it to him. If he wants to flirt with other women and have sex with other people, she allows him that freedom. If he wants to be a jerk and say whatever mean thing he can think of, she allows him, figuring he only speaks the truth. If he wants a threesome even though she finds the idea repulsive, she will still give him one because she really wants to make this relationship work.

And what does this girl usually get for all her self-sacrifice?

Why of course, a man who takes her for granted! A man that constantly pushes her boundaries, breaks the rules and violates her rights.

That’s called an abusive relationship! And frankly, a good man will not even START that pattern. He will get out before it comes to that.

So no, I can promise you right now the answer to keeping a man happy is not to sell your soul and do everything he wants. The answer lies in showing him that you are his EQUAL and that your happiness is his happiness, so as long as you both continue to respect and cherish each other.

I’ve compiled four ways on how to keep your man without compromising your standards, and also without going too extreme and being unpleasant, boring or nagging. You can continue to fascinate his mind by remembering these simple steps:

1. Give him compliments…when he earns them.

Striking a balance between over-complimenting (or worshiping him) and never being kind to him because you might spoil him, is essential. Men, like women, enjoy compliments. But like you, they don’t care much for insincere compliments or flattery. They don’t like being valued only because of their looks or their job, or their money/status.

What they want most is for women to appreciate them for who they are INSIDE. How can you know what a man really is inside? Here’s a hint: what does he do? What does he say? What actions does he take in day to day life that impress you?

You see, the effort that he puts forth is what he wants to be complimented on. Because these “little things” are usually not noticed. So while it may be pushing it to always compliment him on his gorgeous face, what WILL work is complimenting him on the clothes he picked, and on the body he’s working hard on, spending long hours at the gym.

Men enjoy genuine compliments which are based on the effort he has put forth to impress you and the rest of the world. Give him compliments based on his actions, on his choices, and on his way of thinking. That’s the best way to give him encouragement that motivates him to try harder.

2. Encourage his independence.

If your instinct is to stop trying so hard to control him you’re absolutely right. Men resent it when women try to discourage their problem-solving approaches, their creativity, and their independent streak. Whereas some women think talking problems out and sharing feelings is the best way to handle an issue, the truth is that giving a man the space he wants is the best option.

From the time he was a little boy, your guy has always craved independence. The worst nightmare-scenario he fears is having a wife/fiancée who controls his every move and nags him for trying anything new.

Avoid all negativity and tension by actually encouraging him to be dominant, creative, brave and ambitious! Don’t put him into a box. Let him be free and realize that you want him to enjoy life. You’re attracted to him because he is so damned cocky and carefree.

Now how do you avoid your man becoming so “independent” that he takes advantage of you? Simple…

3. Develop your own independence.

The worst thing you can do as a “doormat” in your own relationship is to have no independence yourself. Then a man will take you for granted, and some men in far worse ways than others. This is not a good place to be because if you “need” him to be happy he will never feel equal footing in the relationship.

However, if you’re busy living your life, being independent and pursuing things that interest you apart from him, he will sense your fierce independent streak. THAT’S what will keep him attracted to you, even years into the future.

4. When he wanders, YOU wander.

Here’s the magic trick that will keep him faithful to you. He can be as independent as he wants, but in that case, YOU get to be as independent as you want.

That means you keep your self-respect and don’t just blindly accept anything he says or does. He only has your attention as long as he respects you and is trying to impress you. The moment he starts to violate your rights or make you feel small, you lose interest in him.

You move on. You send a strong message: that he is only interesting when he’s trying to impress you, trying to please you. If he’s not satisfied with who you are, you move on. You don’t need his approval. If he’s not satisfied with you sexually, you allow him to leave while you continue to live your life just the way you want without him.

These are the qualities that you must assume AND project if you want a man to chase you. And ultimately that’s what a man wants the most—to chase you and to “aspire” to date you, earn your attention, and finally, earn your love.

About The Author

Matthew Coast

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