How to Keep a Man from Pulling Away

If you’ve had your heart broken before then you well know the pain of watching a man pull away. It’s especially painful if the relationship was going so well before it careened out of control—and seemingly over nothing!

How is it possible that a relationship that seemed so promising, so intimate, could self-destruct in a heartbeat? A single argument? Or worse yet, a gradual devolution, where you watch a man fall in love…then get used to you…then slowly realize you’re really more of a friend than a wife.

It’s devastating! And it only hurts more when you don’t understand why.

And I’ll tell you what makes it worse—the fear of losing him. That always escalates the feeling and makes you feel paranoid, which only makes him want to pull away even more. It’s a vicious cycle of weakness and panic.

And I’ll tell you right now if you want to keep a man from pulling away and make sure the relationship stays strong you need to STOP that chain reaction. You need to summon your inner goddess—strong, confident and wise.

Here are three ideas on how to do just that—how to keep a man loyal to you, against all odds, so that he never even feels tempted to leave.

1. Don’t fight his independence.

This is perhaps the biggest mistake most women make. They start to panic when a man shows signs of desiring independence. He breaks the rules, or bends them, he “growls” at you and does something brazen.

You interpret that as aggressiveness, unhappiness, and signs that he’s going to leave you. You’re losing control over him, right?

But here’s the thing—ALL men want to be independent. All men, even the ones who have been married 50 years. Men simply do not want to be controlled. They don’t like the feeling of it and they will rebel if they sense that you have too much control over their lives.

This is why the best thing to do is stay calm and centered and realize that a man pulling away from you is OKAY. It doesn’t mean he’s ready to leave. And it doesn’t mean that you need to “fix the problem ASAP.”

All it means is that he’s craving independence. Maybe he wants to go camping. Maybe he wants to have a new hobby completely independent of you. Maybe he wants to buy a new car without your permission. Whatever it is, he’s determined to do it. So the only logical thing to do is to go WITH the current rather than against it. Let him do what he wants and give him the gift of independence, which is all he’s asking for.

It’s perfectly natural for men to want independence, even if they’re in love with you—even if they’re married to you! This is just a normal cycle of a long-term relationship.

And yes, eventually he WILL come back to you. The question is, are you strong enough to handle his mood fluctuations and to allow him the gift of being alone?

He needs to work out his feelings and you should be more than happy to give him what he wants rather than forcing him to feel something contrary to his instincts. Giving him what he wants, after all, is the loving thing to do.

2. Stop holding his hand…let go completely and STOP obsessing over what he’s thinking or feeling.

This is another challenging aspect of the “pull back” because your instincts are empathetic. You want to ask him what’s wrong, you want to know what he’s thinking, and gauge when he’s coming back.

But once again, this is the opposite of what he wants. As soon as you start to pull him back in, he once again resists your efforts. He senses the manipulation and resents it.

The problem is that when you pull back, even though you think it’s the caring thing to do, he senses it as an intrusion on his privacy. Now, there’s no incentive for him to come back.

He must feel that incentive to come back, which means you must ignore him long enough to for him to miss you. Don’t call him, don’t email him, don’t drop by or offer to help. Because the most important thing is that coming back to you must be his idea.

That’s the incentive for him…he misses you, he makes the effort to come back.

3. Welcome him back and show him that you are in perfect control of your emotions.

I know, your instincts are to punish him and lecture him about how much it hurts when he withdraws like this. But I’m telling you now, these long speeches are wasted on him.

The best time to “punish him”? Immediately after he distances himself. You “punish him” by NOT RESPONDING. You stop communicating. You stop rewarding him, you stop indulging him. That’s the best way to handle your ambivalent feelings, by showing him that you won’t play this game and that you won’t respond to it.

Now, when he finally does come back to you (and he almost always will, because during this time he’s missing you dearly) it’s time to change the attitude. Don’t welcome him back with terms and conditions. Don’t lecture him or punish him for doing something right.

When he does something right, like coming back to you and showing you affection and apology, (the desire to be close again) reward him with POSITIVE FEELINGS. Express how happy you are that he’s back and how it makes you feel safe, comforted and desired when he does share his feelings with you.

You’re showing him that being intimate with you is a fun, positive and heart-warming experience. Distancing himself and backing away results in COLD, LONELY feelings—the negative. It’s a simple system of positive reinforcement and passive resistance.

That’s how you and I understand it. From his perspective, he just wants to know that he can be independent and be his “old self” once again. He needs to know that you are not going to lose control of your emotions just because he desires a change.

If you master this basic series of reactions to his “pull back” he will recognize you as a strong woman who knows him, knows what he’s thinking, respects his needs, and knows just how to react to him.

He will find your maturity and grace in the midst of this conflict comforting. Positive reinforcement is what will bring him back. And once he reconnects with you and feels the emotional catharsis that he craves, he will realize you’re an important part of his life—and a life partner that he cannot live without!

You win this “game” by staying the course and being strong in spirit.

Is this “secret ingredient” missing from your relationship?

This may not sound fair, because it’s not-

But did you know that you can be a guy’s dream girl…

I mean, you can literally check off every box on his “perfect woman” list…

But if you mess up this one thing, he’ll drop you the second another option comes along?

My friend James Bauer discovered this missing “secret ingredient” all men are constantly searching for in a woman.

And most women have no clue it exists because guys aren’t even aware of it.

We just KNOW when it’s missing.

==> The “Secret Ingredient” to obsessive love

The really cool thing is, when you know how to give a man this “secret ingredient”…

It will send a shockwave of desire for you straight to his brain and he will HAVE to have you.

In fact, when you do this… watch his face light up, almost as if he’s just been zapped.

It’s that moment when he says to himself “Where have you BEEN all my life?”

Every woman should know this. Check it out here:

==> Why men leave “perfect” women…

Talk soon,

Matthew Coast

 

 

 

 

 

About The Author

Matthew Coast

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