13 BDSM Games to Get You Started

I know a lot of couples, including some friends, who are very weirded out by BDSM! Not surprisingly since it stands for Bondage, Discipline, Submission and Masochism. But the truth is that BDSM is only as weird, freaky and creepy as you WANT it to be. There are actually many couples who are “Vanilla” BDSM, meaning that the farthest they’ve ever gone are handcuffs or bed restraints.

That’s why BDSM is so fun, because it’s only as extreme or soft as you want it to be and all it really means is exploring your sexual fantasies. One of the first things you learn in “real BDSM practice” is that both partners should immediately state their “hard limits”. This means that under no circumstances are (these acts) allowed.

Soft limits mean “Maybe” you’re interested in something but only if it’s explored safely and with vetoing power. No surrendering or master/slave stuff, just cooperation between both partners.

The “soft limits” is one of the best features about the lifestyle, since it allows you to explore the taboos that excite you, but without going into something too scary.

As a sort of introduction to BDSM play, I’ve listed 13 “vanilla” games that are fun to try as a couple. They will help you explore your sexuality and create a much more satisfying sex life together.

Dirty talking is one of the easiest games to try and the best part is, you can decide beforehand what words are “banned”, what words are partially allowed and what words can be spoken freely. For example, the word “F__” turns you on. So that’s a free word. But you feel funny about more offensive terms like “slut” so you ban it. Now you’re both free to talk dirty—before sex (such as teasing him with dirty texting), during sex and after.

2. Kama Sutra

Practicing the Kama Sutra (an ancient book of numerous positions that is now freely available and illustrated on the Internet) is always a great way to change up the same sexual routines. Make it a date, to try as many Kama Sutra positions as possible before one of you orgasms. Challenging!

3. Blindfold

Removing one of your partner’s senses is great foreplay. It enhances anything you do sexually. In fact, making him wear sound-canceling earplugs and a blindfold may even be TOO intense!

4. Spanking

There’s no need to get carried away with this one. Safe and sexy spanking doesn’t have to be about scars or punishment. Sometimes just having your partner spank you (or you spanking him) with a hand can be very erotic.

5. Bondage

Bondage is oftentimes taken to extremes but bondage can be as simple as a pair of handcuffs or bed restraints. Tie your partner up (or have him tie you up) and watch the squirming as foreplay begins.

6. Massive PDA

Make out with each other in public and feel the rush of (mild) exhibitionism. Some couples do this naturally without even thinking it’s kinky!

7. Experiment with Role-playing.

Role-playing is a great way to explore sexual fantasies and not just keep them a dark, dirty secret. Challenge each other by reenacting your kinkiest fantasies as if you were actors. You may think of a scenario or you may even find inspiration with erotica books /  short stories. If you’re a creative person you might even try writing your own script in advance and then acting it out. If you really want to make the fantasy come to life, get dressed up in appropriate costumes for the role.

8. Strip Poker

Actually any game could be converted into a “strip” themed sex game. Whenever you get a question wrong you strip, whenever he loses, he strips.

9. Adult Truth or Dare or Spotlight

Truth or Dare was always fun, wasn’t it? So reignite your adult sex life by asking forbidden questions and sexy dares. Another version is an adult version of Spotlight, where he moves a step closer if you guess something correctly about him, or a step backward if you get it wrong.

10. Naughty Charades

Why not challenge your partner to a game of naughty charades, where you have to silently act out porno terms, erotic movies, or other BDSM fun.

11. Play Master / slave

A very simple game where you take turns being master or slave. The master talks to and guides the slave through a sexual experience while the slave obeys and calls him a name signifying respect. This is an introduction to the idea of dominance / discipline and submission.

12. Porn-Roulette 1 and 2

Let’s assume your boyfriend either watches porn or has a fantasy about watching porn. Rather than shame him or letting him keep it a dirty secret, join him in the activity. You can approach this in two ways: either randomly select a porn clip and watch it together while engaging in foreplay, or if you’re feeling bold, act out the scene along with the performers.

13. Make a List

The final entry is sort of a game, but also an introduction to your new BDSM sex life. It really helps when couples discuss sex frankly and NOT just what they’re comfortable discussing. You need to discuss everything under the sun, so that you can both decide if you:

• Would NEVER try it (hard limit)
• Would think about trying it (soft limit)

Start by listing every sexual taboo you can think of and keeping a record of it. Next, decide if each act is in the NEVER, maybe or YES! Category. An alternate way of discussing these questions is to play a game called “I would like to / Would you let me?” which means instead of simply listing the activity, you actually ask your partner (and he asks you) about any number of kinks.

From this framework, you can begin your sexual adventures—as always, safe and according to your level of comfort.