How to Give Yourself an Orgasm

You know what a guy is thinking when sex is imminent and he’s staring you down and you’re both anticipating this hot, steamy encounter?

In all honesty, besides all the dirty thoughts, he’s probably thinking, “I sure hope she knows how to orgasm.”

And if your first thought is “I sure hope he can give me an orgasm!” there’s going to be trouble in paradise.

While it’s true that it’s his “job” to pleasure you during sex, men have to assume many things about the female orgasm, because obviously they’ve never had one in the body of a woman. Different sensations, different equipment.

This causes problems, especially if they get their sex education from porn or erotica—which is sort of like Wonder Woman giving you advice on how to handle a bully. Yeah, not much help there!

What will help is actually learning how women orgasm and breaking it down into steps, parts and “formulas” you can memorize. This will help you learn how to orgasm on your own, regardless of what a man does. Now, when you do have sex with a man, you can let him do his thing…and also guide him along to bring you to orgasm, using your own methods.

This will be very helpful and very sexy, especially if his usual routine doesn’t work! A man can’t make you have an orgasm if you’re not prepared to have one and really having fun. It’s really a team effort. So let’s consider it step by step.

1. Create a quiet, relaxing and sexy environment.

Whether you’re alone or with a guy, relaxation is very important for putting your brain in the mood. Stress, lack of privacy and an unsexy environment will hinder your body’s

ability to let go and enjoy the sensation. Be sure to create a quiet and sexy environment, whether it’s your bedroom, a bath, or a shower. Even if the atmosphere around you is less than ideal, you can still get there with a little quiet time and privacy.

2. Think sexy thoughts.

If your own fantasies do it for you, great! If not, it may be time to use some aids to help put you in the mood and get your mind and body into the spirit. This could be something aesthetic like incense or candles, or even some visual / aural stimulation like porn, erotica or music.

3. Finger yourself to become properly aroused.

To begin, trim and file your nails to avoid injury. Start by softly and slowly approach your clitoris, which is located outside the vagina and right above as seen in this picture.

As you can see the clitoris is actually the head of a longer “neck”, which is covered by a hood of skin. The folds of thin skin surrounding the vagina and clit are the labia or inner lips. Touching this area may also be pleasurable, especially if you’re still taking it slow.

Start with a finger or two and lightly touch the labia before going for the clitoris. Once you’re aroused, you will start to get wet.

However, you do not NEED to rely on natural wetness. There’s nothing wrong with using extra lube (which you can order discreetly from Amazon), and in fact, it will make orgasms easier.

4. Experiment with fingering yourself all the way to a clitoral orgasm.

The clitoral orgasm won’t necessarily come with intense (hard and fast) pressure. It

might if you feel really turned on, but it also might not. If this happens then it’s time to experiment with different fingering techniques.

For example:

  • Rolling your clit in small circles using your fingers.
  • Rubbing directly against the clit or even the hood (since raising the hood for direct pressure sometimes feels too rough
  • Pushing your fingers in and out of your vagina and then going back up to your clitoris
  • If you don’t feel good with one direction or one rhythm try another one until you start to feel arousal building

5. Learn the “push” of a G-spot orgasm.

Not all women can have G-spots, statistically speaking, but many women DO find that playing with this erogenous zone and learning a stroking technique does give them a different type of orgasm than just clitoral stimulation.

For starters, don’t bother just penetrating the vaginal entrance. While some women can orgasm “vaginally” (meaning friction against the walls) most women need to actually have the G-spot stimulated to experience orgasm. Deepness doesn’t matter. The G-spot is located about 2-3 inches upwards from the entrance of the vagina, on the front wall, as if you’re making a “come here” gesture.

In this diagram, pay close attention to 6 and 9. The number 6 illustration is the “invisible” area right ABOVE the vaginal cavity where you push to stimulate the erogenous area. It is also very close to the number 9 illustration which is the bladder and urethral opening, from where you pee.


You can’t see this area, unlike the clit, which you can easily find in a mirror, but you can feel it. It feels like wetter and more like a small piece of fruit, to put it in simple slang. You will feel the softness and the ridges of it when you touch it.

Concentrate on this area by pressing and rubbing. Bear in mind the G-spot is very difficult to find if you’re not really turned on! Some women also claim that stimulating it directly makes you feel as if you’re going to pee. There’s nothing to worry about, especially if you pee before you have sex. The sensation of peeing and G-spot orgasming (which sometimes involves squirting a clear fluid) feels the same, so don’t be afraid. Besides, accidentally peeing is not the end of the world. Better to experiment alone now so you’ll be more “experienced” during partner sex.

6. Use two hands to find that G-spot.

Just in case you’re having difficulty finding the G-spot, try this technique. Put a finger or two inside and then find the G-spot…make sure to put MORE pressure on it by pushing from the other side. You can do this by placing your hand on top of your pubic bone or “mons pubis” and pressing down. This forces your invisible G-spot area to protrude closer to the vaginal wall for easier access.

No man can make you orgasm against your will…nor can a man just wish you into orgasm by sheer strength and velocity. You really have to hit these two major pressure points and create an atmosphere that makes it easier to come. Keep these tips in mind and a man will be grateful. Now you can help him give you the best orgasm ever!

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About The Author

Matthew Coast

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