How to Catch a Man and Keep Him

It’s easy to say something like “It’s easy to catch a man…but hard to keep him!”

Men are attracted to women, right? Sometimes you may have so much attention from guys you barely know how to deal with it. But if there’s one thing you’ve learned about men so far in life, it’s that when you actually like them, they seem unavailable!

Is it really all about the sex? That’s the easy motivation, that’s a stereotype that seems to make some people feel better at night.

But the truth is far more uncomfortable, far more real. And that is simply: that we are ALL a little too picky, at least when it comes to choosing our partners.

Women have to be picky. They have to make sure they’re not settling for the wrong type of guy. They have to find someone they really like, someone who is special and who will give them the passion and love they require in a serious relationship. Men will usually hit on a woman relentlessly because they are visual creatures of impulse. It’s up to a woman to put on the brakes and tell a man, “This is not what I want, I’m sorry.”

And men are very similar to women in this respect, with one huge difference. They get very picky only after sex happens! After their evolutionary motivations have been fulfilled, they now get to think critically, logically, and do all the math in their heads that women have already figured out. Yeah, it just takes men a little longer to reach the emotional maturity of women. But we kind of knew that one!

So the problem is that both men and women are picky and “keeping a man”, and keeping a relationship a long-term commitment, requires that (A) you stop being so picky and (B) you learn to compromise. That’s a relationship summed up in a nutshell, you do have to let things go. And if you are really compatible and like each other a lot, you WANT to compromise. Being with each other is a more rewarding experience than holding out for perfection. We’re going to go into a little more detail on each point and discuss a few more ways to catch a man and keep him.

1. Go for positive qualities, not just disqualifiers.

You might have read before (perhaps even here) that making a list of attributes and positive qualities that you want in a man is a good idea. It keeps you focused, helps you avoid mismatches and dysfunctional relationships. But some single women do get too carried away and rather than actually start making a list of good qualities, they hyper-focus on all the things a guy cannot be.

This is going beyond the line of “high expectations” and is going into obsessive rule-making. While you should have standards, these standards should always be based on positive qualities. As in, I like HIM the most because he’s a hard worker, smart, funny, and always treats me with respect.

Nitpicking is entirely negative. When a woman nitpicks, she’s not actually focused on whether the relationship makes her happy. She’s focused on why she deserves something better. Why this man doesn’t match her ideal fantasy. Her perfect lover.

This is where problems start. You start to develop unrealistic expectations. You may start to judge men based on their job, their history, their family or some other minor point. If you’re mostly disqualifying men without giving them a chance to show you their positive qualities, you could be cheating yourself out of a very positive relationship.

Consider this example: a woman who likes a guy at first but then decides that he’s too overly responsive, or texts her too much, or likes her too much. She’s disqualified him…but was it because he lacked positive qualities she wanted? Or was it because her “type” of guy has always been emotionally distant men who never give her the affection she wants?

2. Don’t be too “good” – be fun!

One common scenario that happens a lot is the girlfriend who becomes overly controlling, overly serious, and goes full disciplinarian. The sooner she starts showing these unlikable qualities, the sooner the guy loses interest. This is because too many women get nervous, start changing their behavior, and end up doing the EXACT OPPOSITE of what impressed the guy in the first place.

If you really want to impress a man, stop trying to organize his life. Focus on having more fun and leaving him with positive memories and a happy, hopeful state of mind. You’re independent and you encourage his independence. You both laugh together, go on adventures, and focus on the NOW rather than worry too much about the future.

When you do this, you give HIM the option to lead and to progress the relationship forward into commitment territory when he is comfortable doing so.

Being happy and staying that way throughout the courtship – and yes even into marriage!—is really key here. Men are more likely to be happy themselves if you are happy and if they feel they can help make you happy.

3. Feed his “addiction” to you – Give him more of what he wants!

Every man has a definite reason why he’s attracted to a certain woman. He probably has his own list of “Very Important Qualities” (whether thought out or even a subconscious list of things he enjoys). The question is, do you learn what he likes about you? And do you give him more of it?

For some men this is sex and so their partners keep things exciting in the bedroom, they take the initiative. For other men, trust and intimacy in conversation is the most important thing and so they are always available when their partner wants to talk.

What draws your man to you? What qualities does he admire? When he chases you, what kind of attention does he like? You feed his “addiction” for you by giving him more of what he wants and avoiding the boredom and stress of a relationship—all of which are caused by complacency. Laziness, overconfidence, taking each other for granted—this is what makes the guy wonder what he’s still doing here.

But giving him what he wants, while keeping that positive attitude, reminds him every day of all that he has with you!

40 Flirty Texts That Men Absolutely Love

If you’re struggling to figure out what to say to your man to bring you closer together, I’ve put together a guide of 40 fun and flirty text messages that will spark a stronger and deeper desire in whatever man you use them with.

If you don’t know what to say to your man, use these “cut and paste” text messages from my free guide and watch how much he absolutely loves it!

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About The Author

Matthew Coast

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