How to Break Up With a Guy

Breaking up with a guy is brutal! Forget the angry hothead that’s going to scream and fuss because his pride is hurt…think of the quiet, lonely guy who’s going to cry at the idea of losing you. It’s going to be an emotionally wrenching experience for you and him, that’s for sure.

But as much as it hurts now, it’s a momentary pain that you have to take, because the longer you stay in this doomed relationship, the MORE it’s going to hurt the longer you try to hold on. Suppressing your desires and trying to live through a relationship you can’t stand is what causes all sorts of terrible things in life, from divorce to cheating, to lifelong depression, and in the worst case scenario, children who learn very early on that mommies and daddies are never happy.

You have to do it now but you need some motivation, some strong emotional support. While friends and family might give you basic advice like “Just be strong”, let’s discuss six more advanced tips so that you can end the relationship with as little emotional trauma as possible.

1. Make sure your decision is logical, not emotional.

The reason being, emotional arguments are not well thought out. Even if you have the right idea, you might not be able to explain it very well to him. You need to think about what you want out of life, out of a man, and why you want it. Then, think about why he is not going to be your ideal match. Understand that sex and romance can be good, but it’s NOT enough to keep a relationship going for life. Come to a logical decision to break it off for good and MEAN IT. It doesn’t matter what he says or argues because logically, this thing has already ended.

2. Anticipate how he will react and be patient, kind and understanding.

He might be angry, sad, hurt or even relieved. Who knows? Anticipating how he might feel will help prepare you mentally for what is ahead. Be sensitive to the way he feels, but doesn’t focus on YOU. Don’t focus on his failures or why he’s not “good enough”. Don’t try to hurt him. Be soft, warm and apologetic. Hopefully, he will mirror your calmness. He might get upset at first, but the more you behave in a controlled manner, and are logical about the relationship, the more he will start to see your perspective.

3. Make this about the both of you, not his failures.

Tell him how you’re going in two different paths in life. (Use your own wording) It’s not that he’s failed, it’s not that he did everything wrong. It’s just that you have different wants and needs and you realize now, that you’re both INCOMPATIBLE. Focusing on that is essential because his instinct will be to promise to do better.

But there is no “better” because even if he played his cards perfectly, you know that this is just not going to work out. He will be unhappy and so will you. The different goals and values are what has torn you apart and that should be your main focus in this conversation.

4. Assure him that you will always respect him and consider him a friend.

He may need some ego-boosting after this hard blow, so assuring him of friendship and platonic caring is important. He shouldn’t feel as if this is goodbye or that he’s lost something precious entirely. Even if you don’t want him as a friend, you DO want to leave him with a positive feeling. You can still say that he matters to you, that he DOES have good qualities that another woman will appreciate.

5. Do NOT give him a false sense of hope.

Many guys who want to keep the relationship going (even if they’re unhappy) are going to think this is a test. Maybe if he shapes up, or takes more of an interest in you, then you’ll give him another chance. It’s very cruel to do this to a person, which is why it’s important to make a logical decision and not an emotional one. When you logically decide to end it, there is no argument, no “hope” that can repair everything between the two of you. It is simply the truth. Don’t play games with him and make him think “maybe someday…”. This has to stop so that the both of you can recover and move forward.

6. Resist the urge to make him break up with you.

The easiest thing to do is to just grow distant from him, date other people and hope he’ll get the hint, right? No, this is actually the best way to ensure he becomes a lifelong enemy! With so many sociopathic personalities walking around today, doing something unethical like this is a dangerous move. Resist the urge to cheat. Even if you like someone else, DO NOT sleep with him and then weigh the decision whether you like him or the other guy better. Break up with him first and be completely honest. Always break up in person and be serious about it. This way, he has no reason to resent you. Once he gets over his anger and depression, he WILL realize that you did the right thing. He won’t hate you because there was no betrayal.

Remember, dragging things out and extending the breakup only makes things worse. Too many girls these days think they can have it all—friends with benefits, casual sex but no feelings, freedom to date other people but still kind of, sort of an item. And that’s fine if the guy wants the same thing.

But if one or both of you are serious about a relationship and finding love, it’s time to be mature about it. Feelings are volatile and mishandling someone’s heart is like toying around with deadly weapons! There is only one way to break up with a guy: honestly and with maturity, the same way you would expect a man to do with you.

I know it seems impossible right now, but believe me: you CAN do it! And someday, he will be able to smile and treat you like a friend.

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About The Author

Matthew Coast

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