How to Be Submissive

It seems as if we are bombarded by extremes in our society. We get conflicting messages all the time. You know, as in women should be strong, independent-minded feminists like Michelle Obama. But you know, the most popular woman in the media seems to be Kim Kardashian!

Wifely “submission” to a husband, like described in the Bible or in Shakespeare’s play The Taming of the Shrew is sometimes viewed negatively by progressives…but Fifty Shades of Grey is one of the top-selling books.

Are women confused about what men want? Or are they confused about how to find their own unique voice and follow their ambitions—while also finding a soul mate to love?

Is success and finding love two completely separate paths? You might look at a woman who’s submissive and say, “Well she’s happily married.” You might also look at a very aggressive woman, a woman who always speaks her opinion even if it rubs people the wrong way. She’s still single. Doesn’t this prove that submissive women are always more loved by men? Is submissiveness the natural state of a woman that a man responds to?

I’m going to let you in on a little secret right now. The answer is NOT that submissive women get the best guys. The answer is that a woman who understands men is the one who gets the best guys. For that matter, she’s able to accomplish a small miracle. She can be ambitious. She can have a career, she can have children and she can keep and love a husband.

Not because she’s a “submissive”, or a slave, or a wife who’s afraid of her husband. Rather because she’s strong. Because she understands men. Because she’s people-smart, she knows exactly what men want from her and what they don’t want from her.

And surprise—men don’t want submissive women, at least, submissive in the way most of us think of a “submissive” person. Let’s discuss three ways on how to be smart-submissive, a.k.a., feminine. The kind of confident and sexy woman that makes all the men behave and makes them want to chase her.

1. Don’t challenge the man. Instead, let him be your hero.

The only reason most men don’t like “dominant women” (speaking of real life of course, not the Domme sex scenario!) is that loud and controlling women are too challenging of the man’s masculinity. She doesn’t allow him freedom. She limits everything he does and argues with him until his will breaks. This is not how a man wants to feel.

Instead, most men WANT to be in control of their own lives and free to make decisions. But at the same time, men also want to feel like heroes. Like they’re Superman and you’re Lois Lane.

Men want to feel, not necessarily that they can “save” you, but that they can fight for you. They can rescue you when you’re having a bad day, they can provide for you when you want something. They can comfort you when you’re feeling sick or sad. In other words, men are loyal. Men want to work for your happiness. Encourage their natural instinct and reward them with attention when they make you happy!

2. Don’t “mother” a man. Be a good listener and a good lover.

Men are usually turned off by dominant women because they always have an answer. When a man has a problem or wants to talk, the woman gives him an answer. Not necessarily the answer he needs, just the one she thinks will WORK. And maybe it will work…but how does the man respond to all this kindness? Not so great…

The problem? The woman is not being feminine or “submissive” in the way they guy likes. And it’s not a matter of you “serving him”, as much as it is, he just wants to be in charge of his own life. He wants to make decisions that concern him. He wants to find solutions for the both of you because that’s what the male instinct does.

This is why smart-submissive women know that listening to what a man says is more important than giving him the answer he needs. Men are like women in at least one way: they don’t want solutions, they just want to vent. They need a sympathetic ear, someone to talk to.

If you have the “answer” he needs and let him know that, then you are actually challenging him and debating him. Now he’s stressed, not he feels suffocated. This is why a feminine woman will usually wait until a man asks for her opinion, so he will be in a state of relaxation and open-mindedness. There’s no rivalry this way. He is free to vent, she listens, and she allows him to make his own decisions like a grown man.

3. Don’t be so “tough as nails” in the bedroom or in the house. Be kind, when you can afford to be. He will do the same for you.

Perhaps the main quality that separates submissive woman and feminine women from “difficult women” (who also happen to be single!) is that the former actually ENJOYS doing kind things for men. This woman enjoys being a sexy lover in bed who fulfills the man’s fantasies. She enjoys being a woman who fixes him dinner when she knows he’s too tired that night. She enjoys being affectionate with him when he’s feeling down and just wants someone to listen to him vent.

Men don’t want to be “mothered”. nor do they want a father who tells them “Do it yourself, boy!”

Men happen to like it when their partners are kind to them, doing them little favors here and there, and showing respect for their feelings and their desires.

True “submission” doesn’t mean losing all control of yourself. It simply means being “submissive” to his needs sometimes. This won’t be a constant 24-7 process. You can’t slave for him and hold down a job, obviously. But when you have the time, you will enjoy making him happy and making compromises when possible, just as he will make compromises for you.

What is a submissive wife vs. a feminine wife? A feminine wife or smart-submissive girlfriend realizes what a man wants to be happy. A submissive wife, who slaves for her “master”, really has no idea what her man wants, nor does she even understand her own needs and desires. This would be an imbalanced relationship.

But a strong, feminine wife is one half of a successful marriage!

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About The Author

Matthew Coast

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