How to be a Good Wife

We’re living in confusing times. Call it an age where priorities are constantly being questioned. It’s not just “Are you happy?” anymore. It’s now, “Are you offending anybody?”

“Are you living your life in a way that everyone approves?”

Are you taking your freedoms for granted?

And perhaps the most confusing question of all is, “Are you really happy?”

There are some people who might say that if a man is lucky enough to meet a woman who likes him, he ought to bend over backward to please her. He should be thankful for the privilege of knowing her…because you know what? If he doesn’t love her enough there are a dozen other guys willing to take his place.

Worship this woman! Because men like to chase, right?

That’s mostly true. But there’s one point everyone is missing. And that’s…

Men will NOT chase you unless you understand exactly what they want.

And unfortunately, most women DO NOT understand what men want. And those women are going to end up alone, bitter, and very heartbroken when they discover that men will “chase them” for just one night. Just a one night stand. Just until they GET something out of this relationship.

Love and commitment, however, are far more complicated than people realize. If you want a man to chase you for the long-term, for marriage and family, and forever, you need something MORE than just self-respect.

You need to understand what he wants and what he wants specifically from a wife. If you learn how to be a good wife, you will never be alone. And you will never stop a man from chasing you and needing you because you will understand what truly motivates him every day. Let’s discuss five ways to be a good wife and not just a beautiful woman.

1. Do not mother him. Always approach him as an equal.

If your instinct tells you to “take care of him” and guide him to making sound decisions, you’re actually testing his patience. You’re mothering him and not actually supporting him as a wife. Mothers nag their children. Mothers complain and sometimes berate their children because they are not “equals”. Mom tells a boy what to do or else he goes directly to bed without dessert, right?

But a man doesn’t want to be mothered. He wants to be respected. Constantly nagging him and trying to manage his life will only make him want to avoid you. Instead, focus on being a good listener and an active helper, a woman who is willing to offer suggestions IF and when he asks for advice. Also, give him the gift of helping you because THAT’s one of his biggest motivations—the desire to please.

2. Contribute half of everything.

In the old days, one of the best qualities of a good wife was the ability to manage a home. Probably because years ago, women were not allowed to pursue careers or play more dominant roles in society or in the household. Nowadays, we have full-time house husbands, stay-at-home fathers, and many couples who both work full time.

But one thing hasn’t changed and that’s the desire to contribute. Your husband to be will have the desire to contribute at least half, if not more, to make a successful marriage. And you must pick up that other half, whether it’s working, or cooking, or maintaining a home, or raising children. This is a negotiating process and it’s based on the age-old concept of an equal partnership. Whatever he can’t do, you are happy to do.

The problem is that many women naively believe that they can build a marriage based on 75 / 25 effort. He’s LUCKY enough to have you, so all you have to do is love him a little bit and show him who’s boss every once in a while.

Nope, that’s where infidelity starts, where resentment starts, and it’s a road that ends in divorce.

3. Be independent and encourage independence.

A happy marriage is built on the union of two strong individuals. You both need space. He needs to feel the freedom to pack up and go, to be alone, and to explore new frontiers just like a cowboy would.

Meanwhile, he also wants to feel attracted to you because of your strong and independent nature. He will have other friendships and hobbies apart from you. If you have your own life to maintain, you will not miss him or feel threatened by his independence. You will both “fit each other” because of your mutual friendship.

4. Always have deep respect for the man you marry.

This is a concept so alien to many people today, those who have been raised to respect themselves and not recognize the “authority” of the patriarchy.

But here’s the thing: respect isn’t given because of sex, religion, role or society. Respect is earned. You don’t marry a man or get involved with him in the first place UNLESS you deeply respect him for his character.

Knowing a man and seeing his positive qualities will make you want to respect him and show respect to him daily. You will support him because you believe in him—his ability to accomplish things and his strong values and morals. You will show appreciation for his efforts because you love what he does for the family and how deeply he loves you. You will show kindness and love easily, without obligation, because it comes from the heart.

You will never humiliate him, belittle him in public or hurt him deliberately because it will feel like hurting a part of yourself!

5. Trust him with everything.

Being a good wife is all about trust. Trust will allow you to be honest with him in all things. You won’t keep secrets from him, nor will you keep him on a “short leash”. You trust him to be faithful to you. You maintain the trust between you by communicating regularly and intimately.

Trusting each other allows you to express your mutual needs, sexually, spiritually, and emotionally. Trusting each other lets you discuss everything and keep an open mind towards each other, realizing that your only obligation is to please your partner just as your partner wants to please you.

Remember these five fundamentals of relationships. Becoming a good wife is not about perfectly playing a role or taking on a list of assignments. It means that you understand what a man needs from you and loves about you. That’s what will keep you happily married for the rest of your life!

About The Author

Matthew Coast

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