How To Know When God Doesn’t Want You With Someone

Sarah had been praying about Daniel for eight months straight.

Every morning, she’d ask God to make it work. Every night, she’d pray for clarity. She journaled about him, fasted for breakthrough in their relationship, and asked her prayer group to intercede for their future together.

She was so focused on asking God to give her what she wanted that she missed all the signs God was trying to show her it wasn’t what she needed.

The relationship was exhausting. Daniel was hot and cold—pursuing her intensely one week, then distant and unavailable the next. He’d make promises about their future, then avoid conversations about commitment. He’d say he was praying about them too, but his actions showed someone who was confused at best, uncommitted at worst.

Sarah’s friends gently tried to point out the red flags. Her mother expressed concern. Even her pastor, when she asked for counsel, suggested she might need to “release this to God and see what happens.”

But Sarah held on tighter.

She convinced herself this was her Isaac moment—the test of faith where she had to trust God even when it didn’t make sense. She told herself the difficulty was spiritual warfare, that Satan was attacking what God wanted to bless.

She prayed harder. Held on longer. Gave more chances.

Until the day Daniel told her he’d been seeing someone else for the past two months.

In that moment of devastation, something shifted. Through her tears, Sarah heard that still, small voice she’d been too busy talking to actually hear: “I’ve been trying to tell you. You were holding onto something I wanted you to release.”

Sarah had been so busy begging God to change the situation that she missed God changing her direction.

If you’re reading this, you might be in a similar place right now. You might be praying desperately for God to make a relationship work, to change someone’s heart, to give you the breakthrough you’re believing for.

But what if the breakthrough isn’t the relationship working out? What if it’s you finally seeing clearly enough to walk away?

This is one of the most painful questions a woman of faith can face: How do I know when God doesn’t want me with someone?

It’s complicated because we’re told to have faith, to believe in miracles, to trust God can do the impossible. We’re encouraged to pray without ceasing, to stand on God’s promises, to fight for what matters.

But we’re also told God has a specific plan for our lives, that He orders our steps, that He closes doors for our protection.

So how do you know the difference between a relationship that requires faith and patience, and one that God is actively trying to redirect you away from?

How do you distinguish between spiritual warfare attacking what God has blessed, and your own resistance to letting go of what God is trying to remove?

How do you know when to hold on and when to let go?

According to relationship counselors who integrate faith into their practice, this confusion keeps countless Christian women trapped in relationships that are draining them spiritually, emotionally, and sometimes even physically.

They stay because they believe staying is faithful. They endure because they think endurance is righteous. They give chance after chance because they believe that’s what grace looks like.

But grace was never meant to keep you in bondage.

Dr. Henry Cloud, Christian psychologist and author, writes in “Boundaries”: “We change our behavior when the pain of staying the same becomes greater than the pain of changing. God often uses circumstances and consequences to show us what He’s been trying to tell us all along.”

Sometimes God’s “no” to a relationship is His “yes” to your peace, your purpose, and your future.

This article is going to help you discern the difference. Not through guilt or shame, but through biblical wisdom, practical discernment, and honest self-examination.

You’re going to learn:

• The biblical principles that guide God’s will for relationships
• The clear signs that God is redirecting you away from someone
• How to distinguish between testing and toxic situations
• The red flags that reveal spiritual misalignment
• What peace from God actually feels like (versus forced peace)
• How to hear God’s voice clearly when your emotions are loud
• The difference between waiting on God and ignoring God
• How to surrender what you want for what God has
• The courage to walk away even when it hurts
• How to trust that God’s “no” leads to something better

This isn’t about giving up easily or lacking faith. This is about having the spiritual maturity to recognize when God is protecting you by redirecting you.

By the end of this article, you’ll have clarity. Not because I’ll give you easy answers, but because you’ll understand how to align your discernment with God’s wisdom.

You’ll stop fighting for relationships God is trying to free you from.

You’ll finally hear what God has been trying to tell you all along.

Let’s begin.

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Table of Contents

1. Understanding God’s Will for Relationships
2. The Foundation: What Does God Actually Want for You?
3. Sign #1: You Feel Spiritually Drained, Not Spiritually Fed
4. Sign #2: The Relationship Pulls You Away from God
5. Sign #3: There’s a Persistent Lack of Peace
6. Sign #4: Godly People in Your Life Are Concerned
7. Sign #5: The Fruit of the Relationship Is Consistently Bad
8. Sign #6: Your Prayers Feel Blocked or Unanswered
9. Sign #7: God Keeps Closing Doors You Keep Trying to Open
10. Sign #8: You’re Compromising Your Values and Convictions
11. The Difference Between Testing and Toxic
12. How to Actually Hear God’s Voice in This
13. What to Do When You Know But Don’t Want to Accept It
14. Trusting God’s “No” Leads to His “Yes”
15. Conclusion: The Courage to Release What God Is Removing

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<a name=”understanding-gods-will”></a>Understanding God’s Will for Relationships

Before we dive into the specific signs, we need to establish the biblical foundation for understanding God’s will in relationships.

God cares deeply about who you’re in relationship with. This isn’t a minor detail He’s indifferent about. Your relationships shape your spiritual life, your emotional health, your future, and your legacy.

What the Bible Says About Relationships

Scripture is clear about God’s heart for relationships:

“Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?” (2 Corinthians 6:14)

“Bad company corrupts good character.” (1 Corinthians 15:33)

“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” (Proverbs 4:23)

“Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed.” (Proverbs 15:22)

“He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.” (Proverbs 18:22)

These aren’t suggestions. They’re divine wisdom for your protection and blessing.

God’s Will Isn’t Mysterious

Many Christians believe discerning God’s will is impossibly complex, requiring perfect spiritual hearing and divine downloads.

But God’s will for relationships is actually quite clear in Scripture.

God wants you with someone who:

• Shares your faith and walks with God genuinely
• Builds you up spiritually, emotionally, and mentally
• Demonstrates godly character through consistent fruit
• Respects and honors you
• Points you toward God, not away from Him
• Brings peace to your life, not chaos
• Aligns with the values and convictions God has given you

If someone doesn’t meet these biblical standards, you already have your answer about whether God wants you with them.

You don’t need a sign from heaven. You don’t need to pray for months for clarity. The Bible has already given you the framework.

The Role of Discernment

Discernment is a spiritual gift, but it’s also a skill you develop.

According to Hebrews 5:14: “Solid food is for the mature, who by constant use have trained themselves to distinguish good from evil.”

Spiritual maturity means developing the ability to recognize what’s from God and what’s not.

This requires:

• Knowledge of Scripture – God’s will never contradicts His Word
• Prayer and listening – Not just talking to God, but hearing from Him
• Wise counsel – Input from spiritually mature believers
• Observation of fruit – Assessing actual results, not just intentions
• Honoring the peace of God – Following where God’s peace leads

When you combine these elements, discernment becomes clear.

Real-Life Example

Rebecca was dating Marcus, a man who claimed to be a Christian. He went to church occasionally, said he believed in God, and prayed before meals.

But Rebecca felt constant unease.

When she tried to have spiritual conversations, Marcus changed the subject. When she invited him to church events, he always had excuses. When she asked about his relationship with God, his answers were vague and superficial.

Rebecca kept praying for clarity, asking God to show her what to do.

One day her mentor asked her: “What does Scripture say about being equally yoked? Does Marcus share your faith in a way that would build a spiritually unified marriage?”

Rebecca realized she already knew the answer. She’d been praying for God to change what God had already made clear.

Marcus wasn’t the spiritually aligned partner God wanted for her. She’d known it in her spirit all along.

When she ended the relationship, the weight she’d been carrying for months lifted immediately. That peace was her confirmation.

The Key Question

Here’s the question to start with: Am I praying for God to change His will to match mine, or am I seeking to align my will with His?

If you’re honestly seeking God’s will (not trying to convince God to approve your choice), the answer becomes clear.

Most of the time, we already know deep down when God doesn’t want us with someone. We’re just hoping we’re wrong.

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<a name=”what-god-wants”></a>The Foundation: What Does God Actually Want for You?

Insert image: Woman in peaceful prayer

Let’s establish what God’s heart actually is for your relationships, because you can’t recognize what goes against God’s will until you understand what aligns with it.

God’s Desire for Your Relationships

God wants you to be:

1. Spiritually Thriving

• Growing in your relationship with Him
• Strengthened in your faith, not weakened
• Surrounded by people who point you to Jesus
• Building a life centered on godly principles

2. Emotionally Healthy

• Experiencing peace, not constant turmoil
• Growing in wholeness, not being broken down
• In relationships characterized by mutual respect
• Free from toxic patterns and dynamics

3. Equally Yoked

• Partnered with someone who shares your core faith
• Unified in values, purpose, and direction
• Building toward the same spiritual goals
• Creating a godly legacy together

4. Safe and Honored

• Protected physically, emotionally, and spiritually
• Treated with dignity and respect
• Valued for who you are in Christ
• Cherished, not tolerated or manipulated

This is God’s will for every relationship in your life, especially romantic ones.

What God Doesn’t Want for You

Just as important is understanding what God explicitly does not want for you:

God doesn’t want you:

• In relationships that pull you away from Him
• With someone who treats you poorly despite your prayers
• Compromising your convictions to keep someone
• In spiritual bondage disguised as romantic love
• Ignoring His warnings to pursue your own desires
• Sacrificing your peace for someone’s potential
• In relationships characterized by consistent sin

“For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.” (2 Timothy 1:7)

If a relationship is characterized by fear, anxiety, confusion, or chaos, it’s not from God.

The Peace Principle

One of the clearest indicators of God’s will is peace.

Colossians 3:15 says: “Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts.”

The word “rule” in Greek is brabeuo, which means “to act as an umpire.” God’s peace is meant to be the referee in your decisions.

When something is God’s will, it comes with supernatural peace—even if it’s difficult.

When something is not God’s will, there’s a persistent lack of peace—no matter how much you pray, try to convince yourself, or manufacture false peace.

Real-Life Example

Monica was engaged to Steven. On paper, he looked perfect—good job, went to church, her family liked him, their friends thought they were great together.

But Monica had no peace.

She’d wake up anxious. She’d feel dread when planning the wedding. When she prayed, she felt nothing but unease. Something was off, but she couldn’t name it.

Everyone told her it was just cold feet, normal pre-wedding jitters. She tried to pray the anxiety away, telling herself she was being foolish.

But God’s peace never came.

Two months before the wedding, Steven casually mentioned he didn’t really believe in being faithful in marriage. “It’s unrealistic,” he said. “People evolve.”

In that moment, Monica understood what God had been trying to tell her through the lack of peace.

She called off the wedding. It was devastating and embarrassing. But the peace that flooded her spirit confirmed she’d finally listened to God.

Biblical Examples

Scripture shows us God’s protection through closed relationships:

• Isaac and Rebekah: God orchestrated the right relationship (Genesis 24)
• Ruth and Boaz: God brought together those who honored Him (Ruth)
• Moses and Zipporah: Despite the relationship, God used it in His plan, but later showed Moses the cost of spiritual compromise (Exodus 4:24-26)

God consistently shows us: He cares about the spiritual quality of our relationships.

How to Apply This Foundation

Ask yourself honestly:

✓ Does this relationship align with biblical principles for godly relationships?
✓ Am I spiritually thriving or declining in this relationship?
✓ Do I have genuine, sustained peace about this person?
✓ Is this relationship characterized by the fruit of the Spirit or by chaos?

If you’re honest with yourself, these questions often reveal what you already know in your spirit.

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<a name=”sign-1″></a>Sign #1: You Feel Spiritually Drained, Not Spiritually Fed

The first clear sign that God doesn’t want you with someone: The relationship depletes your spiritual life instead of enriching it.

The Spiritual Vitality Test

Healthy, God-ordained relationships energize your spiritual life. They make you want to pray more, seek God more, grow deeper in faith.

Relationships God doesn’t want for you drain your spiritual vitality. You find yourself:

• Praying less or feeling distant from God
• Skipping church or avoiding spiritual activities
• Losing interest in worship or Bible study
• Feeling spiritually numb or disconnected
• Experiencing constant spiritual warfare without breakthrough

This isn’t normal relationship difficulty. This is spiritual misalignment.

Why This Happens

According to spiritual formation research, relationships either draw us toward God or pull us away from Him. There’s rarely neutral ground, especially in romantic relationships.

When you’re with someone who shares your faith authentically:

• You pray together naturally
• You encourage each other spiritually
• You worship together
• You challenge each other to grow
• God feels closer, not more distant

When you’re with someone God doesn’t want for you:

• Spiritual conversations feel forced or impossible
• You pray about the relationship more than with your partner
• You make excuses for why spiritual connection is lacking
• You feel spiritually isolated even when together
• God feels distant, and you can’t figure out why

Your spirit knows when something is misaligned with God’s will.

Real-Life Example

Jennifer had been on fire for God before she started dating Cole. She led worship, attended Bible study, served in ministry, spent her mornings in prayer.

Six months into dating Cole, all of that had faded.

She still went to church, but irregularly. She still prayed, but briefly and without the depth she once had. Her Bible sat unopened for weeks at a time.

Cole said he was a Christian, but he never wanted to talk about spiritual things. When Jennifer tried to pray together, he seemed uncomfortable. When she invited him to church events, he had excuses.

Jennifer told herself it was just a season, that she was busy with the relationship.

But her mentor asked her: “Since dating Cole, has your relationship with God gotten stronger or weaker?”

Jennifer couldn’t deny the truth: weaker.

That spiritual decline was God showing her this relationship wasn’t His will for her.

When she ended things with Cole, her passion for God returned within weeks. The spiritual fog lifted. She felt alive in her faith again.

The relationship had been spiritually draining her, and God was trying to show her all along.

The Fruit of the Spirit Check

Galatians 5:22-23 lists the fruit of the Spirit: “love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.”

Ask yourself: Is this relationship producing the fruit of the Spirit in me?

Or is it producing:

• Anxiety instead of peace
• Frustration instead of patience
• Harshness instead of gentleness
• Chaos instead of self-control
• Bitterness instead of joy

The fruit reveals the root.

If the fruit is consistently bad despite prayer and effort, the root isn’t from God.

How to Assess Spiritual Impact

Do an honest spiritual inventory:

Before this relationship:
✓ How strong was my prayer life?
✓ How engaged was I with Scripture?
✓ How active was I in church/ministry?
✓ How close did I feel to God?

During this relationship:
✓ Has my prayer life strengthened or weakened?
✓ Am I reading Scripture more or less?
✓ Am I more or less engaged in spiritual community?
✓ Do I feel closer to God or more distant?

If the “during” answers show spiritual decline, God is showing you something.

You might make excuses: “I’m just busy” or “All relationships take time from other things.”

But God-ordained relationships don’t pull you away from God. They draw you closer to Him, together.

The Warning Scripture

“What good is it for someone to gain the whole world, yet forfeit their soul?” (Mark 8:36)

You can have the relationship you want and lose your spiritual vitality.

Or you can release the relationship and regain the intimacy with God you’ve been missing.

“The right person will not pull you away from God. They will bring you closer to Him.” — Unknown

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<a name=”sign-2″></a>Sign #2: The Relationship Pulls You Away from God

Beyond just spiritual drainage, God shows you He doesn’t want you with someone when the relationship actively pulls you away from Him and His purposes for your life.

The Directional Test

God’s will always moves you toward Him, never away.

When a relationship is God-ordained:

• Your faith is strengthened
• Your obedience to God increases
• Your involvement in God’s purposes grows
• You become more Christ-like
• God is central to the relationship

When a relationship is not God’s will:

• You find yourself compromising convictions
• You’re less obedient to what you know God has called you to
• You withdraw from ministry or service
• You become less like Christ
• The relationship replaces God as your focus

This is one of the clearest signs: the relationship is moving you in the wrong direction spiritually.

The Compromise Pattern

Watch for these compromising patterns:

Physical Boundaries:

• You’re doing things sexually you know God doesn’t want
• You keep “meaning to” establish boundaries but don’t
• You rationalize behavior you previously knew was wrong
• You’re living in ongoing sexual sin while praying for God’s blessing

Spiritual Priorities:

• You skip church to spend time with them
• You avoid spiritual activities they’re not interested in
• You stop serving in areas you felt called to
• You distance yourself from godly friends or mentors

Values and Convictions:

• You compromise on things you said you’d never compromise on
• You justify behaviors because “everyone does it”
• You ignore wisdom you would have listened to before
• You defend choices you know aren’t aligned with Scripture

If you’re compromising who you are in Christ to keep someone, God is not in it.

The Idolatry Test

Exodus 20:3 says: “You shall have no other gods before me.”

When God doesn’t want you with someone, often it’s because the relationship has become an idol.

Signs the relationship has become idolatrous:

• You think about them more than you think about God
• Your happiness depends entirely on them
• You’re willing to disobey God to keep them
• The relationship has become your source of security, not God
• You’re more devastated by the thought of losing them than of losing God’s approval

Anything you can’t give to God isn’t yours—it owns you.

Real-Life Example

Tasha knew God was calling her to missions. She’d felt it clearly for years, had trained for it, was preparing to go.

Then she met Brandon.

Brandon was great in many ways. But he had no interest in missions. “That’s not my calling,” he’d say. “You can do ministry here.”

Slowly, Tasha started pulling back from her missions preparation. She told herself maybe she’d misheard God’s call. Maybe she could serve God in other ways.

Her spiritual mentor asked her a hard question: “Is Brandon worth disobeying what you know God has called you to do?”

Tasha burst into tears. She’d made Brandon an idol, willing to sacrifice God’s clear calling to keep the relationship.

She knew in that moment: God didn’t want her with someone who pulled her away from His purposes for her life.

It was agonizing, but Tasha ended the relationship. Within a year, she was on the mission field, where she met her future husband—a man who shared her calling and passion for serving God.

God’s “no” to Brandon was His “yes” to His plan for her life.

The Submission Question

Who are you submitted to: God or this relationship?

James 4:7 says: “Submit yourselves, then, to God.”

Submission to God means:

• Obeying His Word even when it costs you the relationship
• Following His leading even when it contradicts your desires
• Trusting His wisdom over your emotions
• Choosing His will over your wants

If you cannot submit to God while in this relationship, God doesn’t want you in this relationship.

Biblical Warning

1 John 2:15-16 warns: “Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, love for the Father is not in them. For everything in the world—the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life—comes not from the Father but from the world.”

When a relationship becomes about satisfying fleshly desires, worldly approval, or ego, it’s not from God.

How to Assess Directional Pull

Ask yourself honestly:

✓ Since this relationship began, am I closer to God or further away?
✓ Am I obeying God more fully or compromising more frequently?
✓ Am I pursuing God’s purposes or abandoning them?
✓ Is this relationship moving me toward God’s will or away from it?
✓ Can I fully submit to God and stay in this relationship?

If this relationship requires distance from God, it’s not from God.

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<a name=”sign-3″></a>Sign #3: There’s a Persistent Lack of Peace

Insert image: Woman in contemplation looking worried

We touched on peace earlier, but it’s so critical it deserves its own section: When God doesn’t want you with someone, there’s a persistent lack of peace that prayer doesn’t resolve.

Understanding God’s Peace

Philippians 4:7 describes “the peace of God, which transcends all understanding.”

This peace:

• Doesn’t depend on circumstances
• Surpasses logic or reasoning
• Guards your heart and mind
• Is supernatural and unmistakable
• Confirms God’s will

When something is God’s will, His peace accompanies it—even if it’s difficult, scary, or challenging.

When something is not God’s will, His peace is absent—no matter how hard you try to manufacture it.

What Lack of Peace Looks Like

You experience:

Constant Anxiety:

• You’re always worried about the relationship
• You can’t relax or feel secure
• Every small thing triggers fear or stress
• You’re in a perpetual state of unease

Persistent Doubt:

• You question whether this is right
• You need constant reassurance
• You second-guess the relationship repeatedly
• Something feels “off” but you can’t name it

Spiritual Unrest:

• You pray but feel no clarity or peace
• You’re spiritually agitated when you think about this person
• You can’t seem to get clear direction from God
• The Holy Spirit feels grieved

Physical Manifestations:

• Trouble sleeping or eating
• Constant tension in your body
• Stress-related illness
• Physical symptoms of anxiety

This isn’t normal relationship nerves. This is your spirit recognizing misalignment with God’s will.

False Peace vs. God’s Peace

Many women confuse false peace with God’s peace:

False Peace:

• Comes from convincing yourself everything is fine
• Requires constant mental effort to maintain
• Disappears when you’re honest with yourself
• Is manufactured through denial or rationalization
• Feels fragile and conditional

God’s Peace:

• Comes from alignment with His will
• Remains even when circumstances are hard
• Deepens when you’re honest with yourself
• Is supernatural and unshakeable
• Feels solid and enduring

If you have to work hard to feel “peaceful” about the relationship, it’s not God’s peace.

Real-Life Example

Angela had been with Marcus for a year, and everyone thought they were perfect together. But Angela had no peace.

She’d pray and feel anxious. She’d try to talk herself into peace: “He’s a good guy. We’re compatible. This makes sense logically.”

But the unease never left.

One night, she stopped trying to pray the anxiety away and instead asked: “God, what are You trying to tell me through this lack of peace?”

In the quiet, she sensed God’s answer: “He’s not the one I have for you. You know it. You’ve known it. Stop fighting what I’m showing you.”

When Angela finally released Marcus, the peace that flooded her was immediate and overwhelming. She hadn’t felt that light in months.

The lack of peace had been God saying “no” all along. She’d just been too scared to listen.

The Fleece Test

In Judges 6, Gideon put out a fleece to confirm God’s will. You can do something similar with peace:

Ask God: “If this relationship is Your will, give me Your peace. If it’s not, remove any false peace I’m creating.”

Then pay attention:

• Does genuine peace come?
• Or does the anxiety persist despite your prayers?

God will honor an honest request for clarity through His peace.

When to Trust the Lack of Peace

Trust the persistent lack of peace when:

• It doesn’t resolve despite extended prayer
• Godly counselors confirm your unease
• Scripture speaks to your concerns
• The relationship shows problematic fruit
• Your closest walk with God was when you weren’t in this relationship

Don’t trust temporary anxiety caused by:

• Normal relationship fears
• Past trauma being triggered
• External stress affecting you
• Satan’s attacks on a godly relationship

The difference? Godly relationships bring peace despite challenges. Ungodly relationships bring persistent unrest despite trying to create peace.

The Peace Assessment

Rate these honestly (1-10, with 10 being highest):

✓ When I think about marrying this person, what’s my peace level?
✓ When I pray about this relationship, what’s my peace level?
✓ When I’m honest with myself about red flags, what’s my peace level?
✓ When I imagine my life without this person, what’s my peace level?

If you have more peace imagining life without them than with them, God is speaking clearly.

“God’s peace is like a spiritual GPS. When you’re going the wrong direction, it alerts you. Don’t ignore it.” — Unknown

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<a name=”sign-4″></a>Sign #4: Godly People in Your Life Are Concerned

God often speaks through the godly counsel of others. When the spiritually mature people in your life express consistent concern about your relationship, God is using them to get your attention.

The Counsel Principle

Proverbs 11:14 says: “Where there is no guidance, a people falls, but in an abundance of counselors there is safety.”

Proverbs 15:22 adds: “Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed.”

God intentionally places wise, spiritually mature people in your life to help you see what you might miss.

When multiple godly people express the same concerns, it’s not coincidence—it’s divine intervention.

Who to Listen To

Not all counsel is equal. Pay attention to:

Spiritually Mature Believers:

• People who know God’s Word and live by it
• Those who have proven wisdom in their own lives
• Individuals who pray and seek God genuinely
• People with healthy, godly relationships themselves

Those Who Know You Well:

• Family members who love you
• Close friends who’ve known you long-term
• Mentors or spiritual leaders
• People who’ve watched your spiritual journey

Those with No Agenda:

• People who aren’t trying to control you
• Those who have your best interest at heart
• Individuals who speak truth even when it’s hard
• People who won’t benefit from your decision either way

If these people are expressing concerns, listen carefully.

Common Concerns They Raise

Godly counsel often highlights:

Spiritual Misalignment:

• “I don’t see him pursuing God like you do”
• “You seem less spiritually vibrant since dating him”
• “I’m concerned about the spiritual foundation”

Character Issues:

• “I’ve noticed some troubling patterns in how he treats you”
• “His words and actions don’t match”
• “I see red flags you might be missing”

Impact on You:

• “You don’t seem like yourself anymore”
• “You seem stressed and anxious all the time”
• “I’m worried about how this is affecting you”

Lack of Peace:

• “When you talk about him, I don’t hear joy—I hear anxiety”
• “You seem to be trying to convince yourself this is right”
• “I don’t sense God’s peace in this”

When multiple people raise similar concerns, God is speaking through them.

Real-Life Example

When Lauren started dating Derek, three separate people in her life expressed concern within the first month:

Her mother said: “Something doesn’t feel right about him. I can’t put my finger on it, but please be careful.”

Her best friend said: “You seem different around him. Less confident. It worries me.”

Her pastor said: “I want to support your relationship, but I don’t see spiritual leadership from him. That concerns me for your future.”

Lauren dismissed all three. She told herself they didn’t know Derek like she did. They didn’t understand him. They were being judgmental.

Six months later, Derek’s controlling behavior had isolated Lauren from these same people who’d tried to warn her. His spiritual apathy had dulled her own faith. Everything they’d gently tried to tell her had come to pass.

When Lauren finally left Derek and reconciled with those who’d tried to warn her, she said: “God was speaking through all of you. I just didn’t want to hear it.”

Why We Resist Godly Counsel

We resist because:

We’re Emotionally Invested:

• We’ve already given our hearts
• We don’t want to admit we’re wrong
• The sunk cost feels too high

We Want to Prove Them Wrong:

• Pride makes us defensive
• We don’t want to admit they saw what we missed
• We want our choice validated

We Fear Being Alone:

• Ending it means starting over
• We’d rather be with the wrong person than alone
• We don’t trust God has something better

We Rationalize:

• “They don’t understand him”
• “They’re being too critical”
• “Every relationship has issues”
• “They just want to control me”

But Proverbs 12:15 warns: “The way of fools seems right to them, but the wise listen to advice.”

The Multiple Witness Principle

Deuteronomy 19:15 establishes that truth is confirmed by multiple witnesses.

If one person expresses concern: Consider it, but don’t panic.

If two or three people independently express similar concerns: Pay serious attention. God is speaking.

If everyone who loves you is concerned: Stop. Listen. They see what you’re too close to see.

“Whoever stubbornly refuses to accept criticism will suddenly be destroyed beyond recovery.” (Proverbs 29:1 NLT)

How to Receive Counsel Well

When godly people express concern:

1. Don’t get defensive immediately
Thank them for caring enough to speak truth

2. Ask for specifics
“Can you tell me what specifically concerns you?”

3. Pray about what they’ve said
Ask God if there’s truth in their concerns

4. Look for patterns
Are multiple people saying similar things?

5. Check your response
If you’re angry or defensive, ask why

God often uses the people who love us most to protect us from what we can’t see.

The Assessment Questions

✓ Are godly, mature people in my life concerned about this relationship?
✓ Am I dismissing counsel because I don’t want to hear it?
✓ Are multiple people independently raising similar concerns?
✓ Do I trust these people’s wisdom in every area except this one?
✓ Am I isolating from people who express concerns?

If godly people who love you are all saying the same thing, God is using them to speak to you.

Will you listen?

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<a name=”sign-5″></a>Sign #5: The Fruit of the Relationship Is Consistently Bad

Jesus said, “By their fruit you will recognize them” (Matthew 7:16). The fruit of a relationship reveals whether it’s from God.

The Fruit Assessment

Healthy relationships produce good fruit:

• Growth in character and maturity
• Increased joy and peace
• Stronger relationships with others
• Greater purpose and direction
• Enhanced spiritual vitality

Unhealthy relationships produce bad fruit:

• Decline in character
• Persistent anxiety and stress
• Damaged relationships with others
• Lost sense of purpose
• Spiritual stagnation or decline

If the relationship consistently produces bad fruit, it’s not from God—regardless of how much you pray or try to make it work.

The Fruit of the Spirit vs. The Works of the Flesh

Galatians 5:19-23 contrasts spiritual fruit with fleshly fruit:

Works of the Flesh (what NOT to see):

• Sexual immorality
• Impurity
• Jealousy and fits of rage
• Selfish ambition
• Dissensions and divisions
• Envy and drunkenness

Fruit of the Spirit (what TO see):

• Love, joy, peace
• Patience, kindness, goodness
• Faithfulness, gentleness, self-control

Ask yourself: Which list better describes this relationship?

If you’re experiencing jealousy, rage, division, sexual immorality, and chaos more than love, peace, patience, and gentleness, the fruit reveals the root.

Long-Term Patterns Matter

Don’t judge by one bad week or one good month. Look at the pattern over time:

Good relationships:

• Have occasional difficult seasons but overall upward trajectory
• Produce increasingly good fruit as they mature
• Show growth and positive change
• Build both people up over time

Bad relationships:

• Have consistent negative patterns despite efforts to change
• Produce increasingly bad fruit as they continue
• Show stagnation or decline
• Tear one or both people down over time

If months or years have passed and the fruit is still consistently bad, God is not in it.

Real-Life Example

Brittany had been with Jason for two years. She kept waiting for things to get better.

The fruit of their relationship included:

• Constant arguments and reconciliations
• Brittany’s declining self-esteem
• Distance from her family and friends
• Abandoned career goals
• Persistent anxiety
• Spiritual disconnection

Every few months, Jason would promise to change. Things would improve briefly, then revert to the same patterns.

Brittany’s counselor asked her: “In two years, what good fruit has this relationship produced? What are you better off for because of it?”

Brittany couldn’t think of anything. Every area of her life had declined.

Meanwhile, her friend Michelle had been in a relationship for six months, and the fruit was obvious:

• Increased joy and confidence
• Stronger family relationships
• Pursuit of her goals
• Spiritual growth
• Consistent peace

The fruit revealed which relationship was from God and which wasn’t.

The Impact on Others

Bad fruit doesn’t just affect you—it affects everyone around you:

In unhealthy relationships, you:

• Become isolated from loved ones
• Drain friends with constant relationship drama
• Model dysfunction for younger people watching you
• Damage your witness as a believer
• Create instability in your community

In healthy relationships, you:

• Strengthen connections with loved ones
• Encourage friends through your example
• Model godly partnership
• Enhance your witness
• Create stability and blessing for your community

God cares about how your relationship affects the broader body of Christ.

The Progression Test

Over the course of this relationship:

✓ Am I growing or declining in character?
✓ Am I more joyful or more stressed?
✓ Are my relationships with others stronger or weaker?
✓ Am I pursuing my God-given purpose more or less?
✓ Am I spiritually stronger or weaker?

If most answers indicate decline, the relationship is producing bad fruit.

When Bad Fruit Is a Pattern

One bad season doesn’t necessarily mean bad fruit. But consider:

Situational difficulty (not necessarily bad fruit):

• External stressors affecting the relationship temporarily
• A specific challenge you’re working through together
• Normal conflict in a generally healthy relationship
• Growing pains that lead to growth

Pattern of bad fruit (God showing you it’s not His will):

• Same problems recurring despite efforts to change
• Consistent negative impact on your wellbeing
• Ongoing spiritual, emotional, or relational decline
• No real growth or improvement over extended time

God gives us seasons to grow through. But He doesn’t ask us to stay in relationships that consistently harm us.

The Fruit Table

Which column better describes your relationship?

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<a name=”sign-6″></a>Sign #6: Your Prayers Feel Blocked or Unanswered

When God doesn’t want you with someone, one of the clearest signs is that your prayers about the relationship feel blocked, unanswered, or met with silence.

The Prayer Dynamic

When something is God’s will:

• Prayer feels open and flowing
• You sense God’s presence and guidance
• Answers come (even if not what you expected)
• You have clarity or increasing understanding
• Prayer brings peace

When something is not God’s will:

• Prayer feels blocked or heavy
• You sense distance or God’s silence
• No clarity comes despite persistent prayer
• Confusion remains or increases
• Prayer brings anxiety, not peace

If months of prayer about a relationship bring no clarity or peace, God is answering by not answering.

Understanding Divine Silence

Sometimes God’s silence IS His answer.

Psalm 66:18 warns: “If I had cherished sin in my heart, the Lord would not have listened.”

Isaiah 59:2 adds: “Your iniquities have separated you from your God; your sins have hidden his face from you, so that he will not hear.”

God may withhold clear answers when:

• You’re in ongoing disobedience (sexual sin, ignoring wise counsel, etc.)
• You’re asking Him to approve what He’s already shown is wrong
• You need to act on what He’s already revealed
• The relationship itself is the obstruction to hearing Him

Sometimes you can’t hear God clearly because the relationship is the thing blocking your hearing.

The Prayer Pattern to Notice

Pay attention to how prayer about this relationship differs from prayer about other areas:

About the relationship:

• Feels forced or empty
• Brings no clarity or peace
• Leaves you more confused
• Feels like talking to a wall
• Doesn’t change despite months of praying

About other areas:

• Flows naturally
• Brings insight and peace
• Provides clarity
• Feels like genuine conversation with God
• Brings breakthrough

If every area of your life has prayer breakthrough except this relationship, that’s God’s answer.

Real-Life Example

Kayla prayed about Thomas for eight months. Every single day.

She prayed for God to change his heart. She prayed for breakthrough. She prayed for God to make it work. She prayed for him to commit.

But her prayers felt like they hit a ceiling and bounced back.

Meanwhile, Kayla prayed about a job opportunity and got clear direction within days. She prayed about a friendship conflict and experienced breakthrough immediately. God was clearly present and active in every other area.

But about Thomas? Nothing but silence.

Finally, exhausted, Kayla changed her prayer: “God, I’m willing to let him go if that’s what You want. Please show me clearly.”

Within 48 hours, Thomas ended the relationship.

Kayla realized: God had been answering all along. His silence about making it work WAS His answer. He wasn’t going to bless what He’d been trying to remove.

The Worship Test

Psalm 100:4 says to “Enter his gates with thanksgiving and his courts with praise.”

Try this: Spend time in pure worship—not asking for anything, just worshiping God for who He is.

Then notice:

• Does worship flow freely when you’re not thinking about this person?
• Do you sense God’s presence more clearly?
• Does clarity come when you stop asking and start surrendering?

Often, God withholds clarity until we’re willing to surrender the outcome.

When God Says “Wait” vs. “No”

How do you know if God is saying “wait” or “no”?

God’s “Wait”:

• Comes with peace about eventually
• Doesn’t require you to compromise in the meantime
• Involves clear steps of preparation
• Includes progressive clarity
• Maintains spiritual vitality

God’s “No”:

• Comes with persistent unrest
• Requires ongoing compromise
• Involves no clear preparation or progress
• Brings increasing confusion
• Depletes spiritual vitality

If it’s been months with no clarity and increasing spiritual depletion, it’s “no” not “wait.”

The Surrender Prayer

If you’re experiencing blocked prayers, try this:

“God, I release this person to You completely. I surrender my desire for this relationship. I choose Your will over my wants. If this is from You, bring clear confirmation and peace. If it’s not, give me the strength to walk away. I trust Your plan is better than mine.”

Then pay attention to what happens in the following days and weeks.

Often, genuine surrender opens up the blocked prayer channel and brings clarity.

The Prayer Assessment

✓ Have I been praying about this relationship for months without clarity?
✓ Do my prayers feel blocked or unanswered specifically about this?
✓ Is every other area of my prayer life clearer than this one?
✓ Am I asking God to bless what He might be trying to remove?
✓ Have I been willing to accept “no” as an answer?

If prayer brings no breakthrough despite genuine seeking, God may be answering through the silence.

“Sometimes God’s silence is His clearest answer. He won’t bless what He’s trying to remove.” — Unknown

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<a name=”sign-7″></a>Sign #7: God Keeps Closing Doors You Keep Trying to Open

One of the most obvious (yet often ignored) signs: God repeatedly closes doors in the relationship, but you keep forcing them back open.

The Closed Door Principle

Revelation 3:7-8 says: “What he opens no one can shut, and what he shuts no one can open… I have placed before you an open door that no one can shut.”

When God closes a door, it’s for your protection. When He opens one, it’s for your blessing.

The problem comes when we refuse to accept God’s closed doors.

What Closed Doors Look Like

God closes doors through:

Circumstances:

• The relationship keeps ending but you keep going back
• Major obstacles consistently arise
• Things that should work don’t
• Timing never aligns despite efforts

External Factors:

• Family opposition
• Geographical separation that doesn’t resolve
• Life circumstances that don’t come together
• Practical barriers that won’t move

Internal Conviction:

• Persistent sense this isn’t right
• Holy Spirit’s repeated prompting to let go
• Scriptures that consistently speak to leaving
• Prophetic words that redirect you

The Other Person:

• They keep expressing doubt or ending things
• They won’t commit despite time passing
• They show you through their actions they’re not all in
• They tell you directly they don’t see a future

If God is consistently closing doors and you keep prying them back open, you’re fighting against His protection.

Real-Life Example

Melissa and Chris broke up five times in two years.

Every time:

• Melissa would be devastated
• She’d pray for God to bring him back
• They’d get back together
• The same problems would surface
• They’d break up again

Each breakup was God closing the door. Each reconciliation was Melissa forcing it back open.

After the fifth breakup, Melissa’s mentor said: “How many times does God need to close this door before you stop kicking it back open?”

That question changed everything.

Melissa realized: God had been trying to free her for two years. She’d been the one refusing to stay free.

When she finally accepted the closed door and stopped trying to reopen it, she experienced peace for the first time in years.

Six months later, she met her future husband—through a door God had been trying to open while she was busy forcing the wrong one.

The Pattern of Forced Doors

Signs you’re forcing doors God has closed:

• You’re working harder than he is to make it work
• You’re the only one fighting for the relationship
• Every time it ends, you’re the one initiating reconciliation
• You’re making excuses for why it’s not working
• You’re ignoring clear signs it’s over
• You’re holding on despite him letting go
• You’re praying for resurrection when God wants you to move on

God doesn’t ask you to force relationships. When it’s His will, both people work together.

The Difference Between Testing and Closed Doors

How do you know if it’s a test of faith or a closed door?

A Test:

• Comes with peace despite difficulty
• Strengthens your character and faith
• Has clear biblical precedent (like Job or Abraham)
• Involves both people committed to working through it
• Leads to growth and breakthrough
• Maintains spiritual vitality

A Closed Door:

• Comes with persistent unrest
• Depletes your character and faith
• Involves fighting against clear reality
• Has one person checking out emotionally
• Leads to stagnation or decline
• Drains spiritual vitality

Tests lead somewhere. Closed doors are God protecting you from going the wrong direction.

Biblical Examples

Scripture shows us God’s closed and open doors:

Closed Doors:

• Paul was prevented from going to Asia (Acts 16:6-7) because God was redirecting him to Macedonia
• Joseph’s brothers sold him into slavery, closing the door to his family, but opening the door to God’s plan

Open Doors:

• Isaac’s servant prayed for the right woman, and God opened the door to Rebekah (Genesis 24)
• Ruth stayed faithful in hard circumstances, and God opened the door to Boaz

God’s closed doors always redirect to His open doors—if we’ll stop fighting the closure.

The Humility to Accept Closed Doors

Proverbs 16:9 says: “In their hearts humans plan their course, but the LORD establishes their steps.”

Sometimes humility means accepting:

• This isn’t God’s plan, even though it’s what I wanted
• God knows better than I do
• Closed doors are God’s protection
• I need to stop fighting God’s direction
• Surrender isn’t giving up—it’s trusting God

The courage to walk away from a closed door is sometimes the greatest act of faith.

How to Discern Closed Doors

Ask yourself:

✓ Have we broken up multiple times?
✓ Do circumstances consistently prevent this from working?
✓ Am I the only one fighting to make this work?
✓ Has God provided clear exit ramps I’ve ignored?
✓ Am I forcing something that won’t stay open on its own?

If you’re constantly fighting to keep doors open, God is trying to close them for a reason.

Trust His protection.

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<a name=”sign-8″></a>Sign #8: You’re Compromising Your Values and Convictions

Perhaps the clearest sign God doesn’t want you with someone: The relationship requires you to compromise the values and convictions God has given you.

The Conviction Principle

God gives you convictions for a reason. They’re not arbitrary rules—they’re divine boundaries for your protection and blessing.

When a relationship requires you to violate those convictions, it’s not from God.

Romans 14:23 says: “Everything that does not come from faith is sin.”

Translation: If you can’t maintain this relationship while staying true to your faith and convictions, the relationship is leading you into sin.

Common Compromises

Physical/Sexual Boundaries:

• Engaging in sexual activity outside marriage
• Justifying “gray areas” you previously knew were wrong
• Moving in together despite conviction against it
• Progressively pushing physical boundaries

Spiritual Priorities:

• Skipping church or spiritual commitments
• Reducing time with God to prioritize the relationship
• Avoiding spiritual conversations or activities
• Hiding the relationship from spiritual mentors

Personal Values:

• Accepting disrespect you said you’d never tolerate
• Compromising on core life values (kids, faith, career)
• Changing your personality to please them
• Abandoning goals that matter to you

Biblical Standards:

• Dating/marrying an unbeliever (being unequally yoked)
• Accepting patterns of sin without repentance
• Tolerating abuse or manipulation
• Living in ongoing disobedience

If you’re compromising convictions to keep someone, that someone is not from God.

The Progressive Erosion

Compromise rarely happens all at once. It’s progressive:

Stage 1: Small adjustments
“I’ll just do this one thing even though it makes me uncomfortable…”

Stage 2: Rationalization
“Everyone else does this… God understands… This situation is different…”

Stage 3: Redefining boundaries
“Maybe my convictions were too strict… I need to be more flexible…”

Stage 4: Full compromise
“I’ll do whatever it takes to keep this relationship…”

By the time you reach stage 4, you’ve drifted far from who you were and what you knew God wanted for you.

Real-Life Example

Christina had clear convictions about sexual purity before marriage. She’d made that commitment to God years before meeting Owen.

Owen respected it at first. But three months in, he started pushing:

• “It’s outdated thinking”
• “We’re committed to each other”
• “God cares about the heart, not rules”
• “If you really loved me…”

Christina felt torn. She loved Owen and didn’t want to lose him. But she also knew her conviction was from God.

She compromised.

Within weeks, she felt horrible. Her relationship with God felt damaged. Her peace was gone. She felt shame every time she prayed.

But she was in too deep to turn back now… or so she thought.

One night, broken and crying, Christina confessed to her mentor.

Her mentor asked: “Is this relationship worth losing your intimacy with God?”

Christina realized: No relationship is worth that.

She ended things with Owen. It was agonizing. But the moment she did, the weight of shame lifted.

God’s peace returned. Her intimacy with Him was restored.

The relationship had required her to compromise what God had given her to protect her. That was God’s way of showing it wasn’t His will.

The Conviction Test

Ask yourself honestly:

✓ Am I doing things in this relationship I said I’d never do?
✓ Am I violating convictions I had before meeting this person?
✓ Would I feel comfortable telling my spiritual mentor everything about this relationship?
✓ Am I rationalizing behavior I know goes against God’s Word?
✓ Do I feel shame or distance from God because of this relationship?

If you’re compromising to stay in the relationship, God is not in the relationship.

What the Bible Says

2 Corinthians 6:14-15: “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?”

1 Thessalonians 4:3-5: “It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control your own body in a way that is holy and honorable.”

James 4:17: “If anyone, then, knows the good they ought to do and doesn’t do it, it is sin for them.”

God’s Word doesn’t change based on who you’re dating. If the relationship requires violating Scripture, it’s not from God.

The Realignment Path

If you’ve compromised, here’s how to realign:

1. Acknowledge the compromise honestly
Stop rationalizing. Call it what it is.

2. Repent and return to God
He’s waiting with open arms, not condemnation.

3. Re-establish your boundaries
Return to the convictions God gave you.

4. Communicate clearly
Tell this person what needs to change.

5. Follow through
If they won’t respect your convictions, end the relationship.

God’s grace is available. But grace isn’t permission to stay in ongoing compromise.

The Ultimate Question

Is this person worth compromising my relationship with God?

If the answer is anything other than “absolutely not,” you have your answer about whether God wants you with them.

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<a name=”difference-testing-toxic”></a>The Difference Between Testing and Toxic

Insert image: Woman reading Bible peacefully

This is critical: Not every difficult relationship is one God wants you to leave. Some difficulty is testing that leads to growth.

But how do you know the difference between divine testing and a toxic relationship God wants you out of?

Understanding Biblical Testing

James 1:2-4 says: “Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.”

God does test us through relationships. But His testing:

• Has a purpose: To grow you, not destroy you
• Comes with grace: Sufficient strength to endure
• Produces fruit: Character, maturity, faith
• Maintains peace: Despite external difficulty
• Draws you to God: Not away from Him

What Testing Looks Like

Godly testing in relationships:

External Challenges:

• Facing opposition from others
• Working through normal relationship conflicts
• Navigating difficult seasons (illness, job loss, etc.)
• Learning to communicate and compromise

Character Growth:

• Learning patience and forgiveness
• Developing sacrificial love
• Practicing humility and grace
• Building spiritual maturity

Shared Commitment:

• Both people working together
• Mutual investment in growth
• Unified purpose despite challenges
• Deepening bond through difficulty

Spiritual Strengthening:

• Drawing closer to God through it
• Praying together through challenges
• Seeing God work through difficulties
• Increased faith as a result

Biblical Example: Job and his wife endured testing. Despite everything, Job didn’t sin against God. The testing had a purpose and led to greater blessing.

What Toxic Looks Like

Toxic relationships God wants you out of:

Harmful Patterns:

• Abuse (emotional, physical, spiritual, verbal)
• Manipulation and control
• Consistent disrespect and devaluation
• Patterns of sin without repentance

Character Erosion:

• You’re becoming less like Christ
• Your character is declining
• You’re losing yourself
• You’re developing unhealthy coping mechanisms

One-Sided Struggle:

• Only you are working on the relationship
• They show no commitment to change
• You’re carrying the entire burden
• No mutual investment

Spiritual Decline:

• Moving away from God
• Losing your faith or convictions
• Compromising biblical principles
• Spiritual vitality draining

Biblical Example: Abigail was married to Nabal, a harsh and evil man. God eventually removed Nabal from her life, making way for David. Not all difficult relationships are meant to be endured.

The Comparison Table

Red Flags It’s Toxic, Not Testing

If any of these are present, it’s toxic:

• Abuse of any kind (emotional, physical, verbal, financial, spiritual)
• Manipulation and control patterns
• Gaslighting (making you doubt your reality)
• Isolation from support systems
• Consistent lying or deception
• Unrepentant patterns of sin
• Spiritual abuse (using God/Scripture to control you)
• Your safety is threatened physically or emotionally

God never asks you to stay in abusive situations. Ever.

Real-Life Example

Two women faced difficult relationships:

Emma’s situation (Testing):

• Her boyfriend lost his job, creating financial stress
• They had to navigate a long-distance period
• They disagreed on some important decisions
• His family initially disapproved of her

But:

• He treated her with consistent respect and love
• They prayed together through challenges
• Both were committed to working through it
• She grew spiritually stronger
• God’s peace remained despite difficulty

Result: They married and now have a strong, godly marriage. The testing produced maturity.

Jenna’s situation (Toxic):

• Her boyfriend criticized her constantly
• He isolated her from friends and family
• He manipulated her with guilt and Scripture
• He was emotionally abusive
• She was declining spiritually and emotionally

And:

• He showed no interest in changing
• He blamed her for all problems
• She was losing herself entirely
• God’s peace was completely absent
• Multiple people expressed serious concern

Result: Jenna eventually left and experienced immediate relief and restoration. The toxicity was God showing her to leave.

The Discernment Questions

Ask yourself:

✓ Is this difficulty producing growth or harm?
✓ Are both of us committed to working through this?
✓ Am I becoming more like Christ or less?
✓ Do I have peace despite the challenge?
✓ Is this testing my faith or destroying my faith?
✓ Would I want someone I love to endure what I’m enduring?

Testing makes you stronger. Toxicity breaks you down.

God tests. But He doesn’t torture.

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<a name=”hear-gods-voice”></a>How to Actually Hear God’s Voice in This

The hardest part isn’t knowing God has a will—it’s hearing Him clearly when your emotions are screaming and your heart is breaking.

Here’s how to cut through the noise and hear God’s voice about this relationship.

Create Space to Hear

You can’t hear God clearly when:

• You’re constantly with the person
• Your emotions are overwhelming every thought
• You’re frantically praying without listening
• You’re drowning out conviction with distraction

You need to create space:

Physical space:

• Take time apart to think clearly
• Remove yourself from the intensity temporarily
• Give yourself breathing room

Emotional space:

• Journal your honest feelings
• Process with a counselor or mentor
• Allow yourself to feel without immediately acting

Spiritual space:

• Spend time in God’s presence without agenda
• Worship without asking for anything
• Sit in silence and listen

“Be still, and know that I am God.” (Psalm 46:10)

Stop Talking, Start Listening

Most of us spend more time telling God what we want than asking what He wants.

Try this: For one week, don’t ask God to make the relationship work. Instead:

• Ask Him to show you His truth
• Ask Him to reveal what you need to see
• Ask Him to give you His peace about the right direction
• Ask Him to speak clearly

Then listen. Pay attention to:

• Scriptures that keep coming up
• What godly people are saying
• Where you sense His peace
• What your spirit knows deep down

Check Your Motives

James 4:3 warns: “When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.”

Ask yourself honestly:

• Am I seeking God’s will or my will?
• Am I willing to accept “no” as His answer?
• Do I want God’s best or just what I want?
• Am I surrendered or just asking for approval?

God speaks clearly to surrendered hearts.

Test What You’re Hearing

Not every voice is God’s voice. Test it:

Does it align with Scripture?
God never contradicts His Word. If what you’re “hearing” goes against clear biblical teaching, it’s not from God.

Does it bring peace?
God’s voice brings peace, even when it’s difficult. Confusion and chaos aren’t from Him.

Do godly people confirm it?
God often uses others to confirm what He’s speaking.

Does it produce good fruit?
God’s direction leads to growth, health, and spiritual vitality.

Does it glorify God?
God’s will always brings glory to Him, not just satisfaction to us.

The Confirmation Process

When you think you’re hearing from God:

1. Write it down
Journal what you sense God saying.

2. Test it against Scripture
Search God’s Word for confirmation or contradiction.

3. Pray for confirmation
Ask God to confirm through multiple sources.

4. Seek godly counsel
Share with spiritually mature people and listen to their input.

5. Watch for patterns
Does the same message keep coming through different channels?

6. Assess the peace
Do you have genuine peace about this direction?

Real-Life Example

When Vanessa asked God about her relationship with Ethan, she committed to a week of truly listening instead of asking.

Day 1: She opened her Bible randomly to 2 Corinthians 6:14 about being unequally yoked.

Day 3: Her pastor’s sermon was about not settling for less than God’s best.

Day 5: A friend who knew nothing about her situation said, “I’ve been praying for you. I keep sensing God wants to free you from something.”

Day 7: She felt overwhelming peace when she imagined life without Ethan.

Four confirmations. Same message. Clear direction.

Vanessa knew: God was speaking. She’d just finally started listening.

When You Already Know

Here’s the truth most women don’t want to hear: You usually already know what God is saying.

You just don’t like the answer.

Deep in your spirit, underneath all the rationalizing and hoping and praying, you know.

• You know he’s not the one
• You know this isn’t God’s will
• You know you need to let go
• You know you’re holding onto something God is trying to remove

The question isn’t “What is God saying?” It’s “Will I obey what God has already said?”

The Surrender Prayer (Revisited)

Pray this with complete honesty:

“God, I surrender this relationship to You completely. Not my will, but Yours. I’m willing to walk away if that’s what You want, even though it will hurt. I trust that You love me and want what’s best for me more than I do. Show me clearly what You want me to do, and give me the strength to do it. I choose You over this relationship. Amen.”

Then watch what God does.

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<a name=”dont-want-to-accept”></a>What to Do When You Know But Don’t Want to Accept It

This is where it gets hard. You know what God is saying. You just don’t want to do it.

The Resistance Stage

It’s normal to resist when God’s direction means:

• Letting go of someone you love
• Being alone after investing deeply
• Starting over when you’re exhausted
• Accepting that what you wanted isn’t what God wants

But resistance doesn’t change God’s will. It just prolongs your pain.

Common Forms of Resistance

“Maybe I’m wrong about what God is saying”
You’re hoping if you pray long enough, God will change His answer.

“What if I’m giving up too easily?”
You’re confusing surrender with giving up.

“What if he changes?”
You’re holding onto potential instead of accepting reality.

“What if this is a test of faith?”
You’re using “faith” to justify disobedience.

“What if I never find anyone else?”
You’re letting fear make your decisions instead of faith.

All of these are forms of resistance to what you already know God is telling you.

The Cost of Continued Resistance

When you know what God wants but refuse to do it:

You experience:

• Extended pain and confusion
• Prolonged spiritual distance from God
• Wasted time you could spend healing and moving forward
• Missed opportunities God has waiting
• Increased heartbreak when it inevitably ends
• Damage to your spiritual life and character

Delayed obedience is still disobedience.

Jonah ran from God’s call and ended up in the belly of a fish. Running from God’s direction doesn’t avoid the destination—it just makes the journey more painful.

Real-Life Example

Grace knew for six months that God was telling her to end her relationship with Kevin.

But she resisted:

• “Maybe I’m just scared”
• “Maybe I need to give it more time”
• “Maybe God will change Kevin’s heart”
• “Maybe I’m being too harsh”

Six more months of heartache. Six more months of spiritual distance. Six more months of the same problems.

Finally, Kevin ended it anyway.

Grace said: “I wish I’d obeyed six months earlier. God was protecting me, and I fought against His protection. I wasted a year of my life resisting what God made clear.”

How to Move From Knowing to Doing

1. Stop negotiating with God
He’s not changing His mind. Accept His answer.

2. Grieve what you’re losing
It’s okay to be sad. Grief is part of the process.

3. Trust God’s character
He loves you. His “no” is for your good.

4. Take the first step
You don’t need strength for the whole journey, just the next step.

5. Get support
Tell people who will help you stay strong.

6. Remove temptations to go back
Create boundaries that protect your decision.

7. Focus forward, not backward
Look at where God is leading, not what you’re leaving.

The Obedience Path

Practical steps to walk in obedience:

Have the conversation:

• Be clear and direct
• Don’t leave room for misunderstanding
• Don’t make it a negotiation
• Stand firm in your decision

Create boundaries:

• No contact (at least initially)
• Block/delete if necessary
• Avoid places you’ll run into them
• Remove reminders

Process with support:

• Talk to your counselor/mentor
• Lean on your support system
• Journal through the pain
• Give yourself grace

Return to God:

• Rebuild your spiritual life
• Recommit to what you’d compromised
• Seek healing and restoration
• Trust His plan

The Faith Required

Walking away requires faith that:

• God’s plan is better than yours
• God knows what you need better than you do
• God will provide for your future
• God will heal your heart
• God has something better waiting

“Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.” (Hebrews 11:1)

You may not see the better thing yet. But God does.

What Happens When You Finally Obey

When you finally walk in obedience to what God has shown you:

Immediate:

• Painful but peaceful
• Hard but right
• Sad but clear
• Difficult but free

Over time:

• Healing comes
• Clarity increases
• Peace deepens
• Purpose returns
• God’s presence feels close again
• You wonder why you waited so long

Obedience is hard. But it’s always worth it.

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<a name=”trusting-gods-no”></a>Trusting God’s “No” Leads to His “Yes”

Here’s the beautiful truth you need to hear: Every time God says “no” to something, He’s protecting His “yes” for you.

God’s No Is Protection

When God closes a door, He’s protecting you from:

• Wrong partnerships that would derail your purpose
• Relationships that would harm you long-term
• People who would pull you from Him
• Situations that would compromise who you’re becoming
• Heartbreak worse than what you’re experiencing now

His “no” isn’t punishment. It’s protection.

Psalm 84:11 promises: “No good thing does he withhold from those whose walk is blameless.”

If God is withholding this relationship, it’s because it’s not actually good for you—regardless of how it feels.

God’s Yes Is Coming

God doesn’t close one door without opening another. His timing and methods may surprise you, but His plans for you are good.

Jeremiah 29:11: “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

When you release what God is removing, you make room for what God is bringing.

Real-Life Testimonies

Sarah (from the introduction):
Released Daniel after eight months of fighting for it. Six months later, met her husband—a man who pursued God and her with equal passion. “God’s ‘no’ to Daniel was His ‘yes’ to everything I’d actually prayed for.”

Rebecca:
Finally left Marcus after two years. One year later, met someone who shared her faith authentically. “I was so focused on the wrong door that I couldn’t see the right one God was trying to open.”

Tasha:
Chose missions over Brandon. Met her husband on the mission field. “God’s ‘no’ protected the ‘yes’ I couldn’t see yet.”

Each woman had to trust God’s “no” before she could receive His “yes.”

The Waiting Period

Between God’s “no” and His “yes” is a waiting period. This time isn’t wasted—it’s:

Healing:

• Processing grief and loss
• Recovering spiritual vitality
• Rebuilding emotional health
• Restoring what was compromised

Preparation:

• Becoming who you need to be for what God has next
• Learning lessons this season taught
• Developing character and maturity
• Drawing closer to God

Positioning:

• Moving to where God’s “yes” can find you
• Opening yourself to new possibilities
• Creating space for what God wants to bring
• Aligning with God’s timing and purposes

Don’t rush this season. Let God complete His work in you.

How to Trust When You Can’t See

Trusting God’s plan when you can’t see it requires:

Remembering His faithfulness:
Look at how God has provided before. He’ll do it again.

Standing on His promises:
God’s Word is true. What He promises, He delivers.

Focusing on His character:
God is good, loving, faithful, and wise. Trust who He is.

Surrendering the timeline:
Your timing isn’t God’s timing. Trust His is better.

Choosing faith over feelings:
Feelings lie. God’s truth stands forever.

The Exchange

When you finally surrender what God is asking you to release, here’s what you exchange:

You give God:

• A relationship that wasn’t His will
• Your timeline and expectations
• Your need for control
• Your fear of being alone
• Your resistance to His plan

God gives you:

• Peace that surpasses understanding
• Healing and restoration
• His perfect timing
• Something better than you imagined
• Intimacy with Him
• His best for your life

It’s always a good trade.

The Promise to Hold

Isaiah 43:18-19: “Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.”

God is doing a new thing. But you have to let go of the old thing to receive it.

Trust His “no.” His “yes” is worth the wait.

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<a name=”conclusion”></a>Conclusion: The Courage to Release What God Is Removing

We’ve covered a lot of ground. Let me bring it all together.

The Core Truth

When God doesn’t want you with someone, He makes it clear—not through mystical signs or impossible-to-understand signals, but through patterns you can observe if you’re willing to see them.

The eight signs we’ve covered:

1. You feel spiritually drained, not fed – The relationship depletes your spiritual life
2. The relationship pulls you away from God – It moves you in the wrong direction spiritually
3. There’s a persistent lack of peace – God’s peace is absent despite constant prayer
4. Godly people in your life are concerned – Wise counsel consistently raises red flags
5. The fruit is consistently bad – The relationship produces harm, not growth
6. Your prayers feel blocked – God’s silence is His answer
7. God keeps closing doors you keep opening – He’s protecting you by redirecting you
8. You’re compromising your values – The relationship requires disobedience

If multiple signs are present, God is speaking clearly.

The Real Question

The question was never “How do I know when God doesn’t want me with someone?”

The real question is: “Will I have the courage to act on what I already know?”

Because deep down, you probably already knew before you started reading this article.

You knew in your spirit when:

• Peace wouldn’t come despite months of prayer
• Your spiritual life started declining
• Godly people expressed concern
• The fruit was consistently bad
• You had to compromise who you are to keep them

You knew. You just didn’t want to accept it.

The Courage Required

Letting go requires courage:

• Courage to trust God over your feelings
• Courage to walk away from what’s familiar
• Courage to believe God has something better
• Courage to be alone for a season
• Courage to disappoint someone you love
• Courage to start over
• Courage to obey when it hurts

But you have that courage. Because God gives you what you need when you need it.

“I can do all this through him who gives me strength.” (Philippians 4:13)

The Freedom Waiting

On the other side of your obedience is freedom:

• Freedom from the anxiety and confusion
• Freedom from spiritual compromise
• Freedom from toxic patterns
• Freedom to pursue God’s purposes
• Freedom to become who He created you to be
• Freedom for God’s best to enter your life

The pain of letting go is temporary. The freedom lasts.

What God Wants for You

Remember what God actually wants:

• A relationship that honors Him and draws you closer to Him
• A partner who shares your faith authentically and deeply
• A love that produces good fruit and builds you both up
• A future of blessing rooted in obedience to His will
• Peace, joy, and spiritual vitality in your relationships
• His absolute best for your life – not just something “good enough”

God loves you too much to let you settle for less than His best.

When He says “no” to a relationship, it’s because He’s saying “yes” to something better.

Your Next Steps

If you’ve recognized through this article that God doesn’t want you with someone:

1. Acknowledge the truth
Stop fighting what you know in your spirit.

2. Surrender to God’s will
Choose His plan over your desires.

3. Get support
Tell someone who will help you stay strong.

4. Take action
Have the conversation. Make the break.

5. Create boundaries
Protect your decision from your emotions.

6. Give yourself grace
Grief is normal. Healing takes time.

7. Trust God’s plan
His “yes” is worth waiting for.

The Final Word

You deserve to be with someone who:

• Pursues God as passionately as you do
• Makes you feel secure, not anxious
• Points you toward God, not away from Him
• Brings peace to your life, not chaos
• Treats you the way God says you should be treated
• Makes God’s will for you a priority
• Is clearly, obviously, undeniably right for you

If the person you’re with doesn’t meet these standards, God is trying to free you for someone who will.

Trust Him.

Release what He’s removing.

Make room for what He’s bringing.

The courage to walk away from what’s not God’s will is the same courage that walks you into what is.

You’ve got this. And more importantly, God’s got you.

His plans for you are good. His protection is perfect. His timing is impeccable.

Trust the process. Trust His heart. Trust that His “no” is leading to His best “yes.”

And know this: The same God who’s asking you to let go is the same God who will never let go of you.

“The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.” (Deuteronomy 31:8)

Walk forward in faith, sister. God’s best is waiting.

“Sometimes God allows you to hit rock bottom so you’ll discover He’s the rock at the bottom.” — Unknown

Bookmark this article. Share it with someone who needs it. Come back to it when doubt creeps in.

And remember: God’s “no” is always His protection for His perfect “yes.”

Trust Him. He’s never let you down, and He’s not about to start now.