It’s sad to think that most abusers and dysfunctional partners we meet in life are not born that way but learn the behavior from a bad environment. They grow up with parents who are toxic, abusive, and miserable and that’s also what they learn.
Maybe you’ve come from such a home, or know someone who has. If and when you decide to have children of your own, it’s very important to create a warm and loving environment at all times, even if things get tense between mom and dad. When a child learns practical coping mechanisms from an early age, he or she can better cope with the world.
If you come from a toxic home environment yourself, then stopping the cycle of violence and dysfunction is critical for a child’s happiness and prosperity.
In this discussion, we’re going to discuss nine toxic things that parents do say to children and why they are to be avoided at all costs. Some of these might be said in anger. Or even worse, sometimes they’re said in jest. But neither is appropriate. Children are not adults and cannot comprehend things we say the same as adults.
Let’s consider one at a time.
1. Insults or put-downs
While some adults enjoy ribbing or roasting each other, kids do not understand a “dark” sense of humor, at least not when they’re young. Nothing hurts worse than funny put-downs, because they will take it seriously, even if you don’t mean it that way.
2. Making comparisons to other children
No good can come from comparing your child to someone else, whether that’s a sibling or a neighbor’s kid. Even if you’re doing it to make a point, it only causes more feelings of insecurity and self-doubt.
3. Harsh words for intensifiers
Maybe you don’t swear in front of your children. But do you use unnecessary intensifiers like “stupid, dumb” or any other harsh words that your kid might misinterpret as talking about them? This might be the hardest thing to do, because when we’re angry we do tend to use colorful words.
But as much as you can, try to avoid words that sound insulting or that might scare a child who’s listening closely.
4. Sentences that imply children are a burden
Of course, it’s true that we all as parents feel the weight of parenthood. And even though I’ve seen other bloggers talk about how they express tough truths to their children honestly, that should never be an excuse treating your child like a burden. Or telling your child that they’re a burden, or were an accident, or that you never wanted kids. Save that for when they’re adults. They can’t handle it when they’re very young.
5. Any sort of lying
Lying is something most people do, especially little white lies. But remember how impressionable children are. They can’t quite understand how lying works and when it’s appropriate to lie. Don’t lie in front of your children. Be honest as often as possible.
If there’s information they can’t handle at this age, tell them that. Don’t make up stories just to get out of a tough teaching moment. Our children count on us to teach them honesty.
6. Warnings about extreme punishment
No good can come from threatening extreme punishment. If you do want to give your child a warning, make sure it a reasonable punishment that you follow up on, if and when a child deliberately disobeys.
But threatening extreme and scary-sounding punishment, whether it’s said in jest or just to scare them straight, is a bad idea. A child might even feel betrayed.
7. Promises you don’t mean
By the same logic, don’t make promises you can’t keep. If you’re not sure if you can follow through, then don’t promise anything. This is a problem many parents have. They want to give their children so much and so they make a promise…even though it’s more of a wishlist. Imagine how much grief a child feels when they’re disappointed in that parent. Practice being kind and saying words of encouragement, instead of making promises that are too hard to predict.
8. Putting down their performance
Even if you mean well, it’s a bad idea to complain or point out a kid’s performance in sports or studies. Pushing a child too hard can damage his or her psyche. It’s especially damaging if a child loves the activity but now feels self-conscious because of criticism.
9. Demanding respect sentences.
Lastly, beware of the concept of demanding respect. Of course, it is important to teach children respect and discipline. But there’s a big difference between demanding respect – just because you can and are the big parent in charge – and actually earning respect through your actions.
You earn respect by teaching your child. By helping them. By warning them. By providing for them and showing them how to be a responsible adult. By explaining their mistakes and why it’s harmful to them and others, whenever it happens.
Children Remember!
We also realize that more often than not, parents are unaware when they are saying toxic things. They get carried away in the heat of the moment and say something harsh, loud, or overly emotional.
They might not even be aware that they are hurting their children with an insensitive word. But children remember!
That’s why it’s important to keep your home a loving and forgiving place, and avoid saying hurtful things that can cause children confusion in their adolescent and adult years. Children are developing and don’t have the adult coping skills that we have. We have to control ourselves, even if they can’t. They learn from us.
It’s not easy raising a child. Yes, disagreements and intense arguments will happen. But what counts is how you respond to a challenge.
Control yourself and react productively and your child will learn that from you. Your kid will grow up happier and better adjusted to meet challenges in life. In the end, that’s what it’s all about, isn’t it? Training our children as best we can for their journey through life!
The 5 Word Phrase That Destroys a Man’s Love For You And Drives Him Out Of Your Life
There’s a simple 5 word phrase that will destroy any man’s love for you and drive him out of your life completely…
It usually comes out as an honest question when you want to connect with him…
But only serves to push him away and slowly kill your relationship from the inside out…
It can take a man who is filled with love and passion for you…
And make him feel cold, distant, and uninterested…
Have you figured out what it is yet?
Many women send this as a text message when they’re feeling insecure…
And then are confused why he suddenly pulls away and disappears completely…
Most of the women who ask it don’t even know how harmful it is…
Yet it can take a relationship that seems like it’s perfect…
A relationship where you feel loved, cared for, and like you’ve finally found “the one”…
And overnight, it can tear that relationship apart…
Leaving you confused, frustrated, and heartbroken…
If you don’t know what this simple yet seemingly innocent question is…
I want you to stop what you’re doing and go watch this video presentation that I put together for you at the link below…
Click here to watch the video now <<
My name is Matthew Coast and I’ve been teaching in the dating industry on since 2005…
I’ve helped hundreds of thousands of women, all over the world…
Get into relationships where they feel loved, seen, and cherished by the men they’re with…
When you click the link this link right here <<
I show you what this 5 word phrase is…
I’ll teach you about why men pull away, how to stop it from happening…
And how to attract the man you want…
Into a relationship where you’re loved and adored and treated like a priority…
No matter how painful things have been in your past…
You can attract a great man and have a great relationship…
Just click the link on your screen and the watch the video right now…
If you’re struggling with men pulling away from you…
If you’re tired of giving everything to a relationship and only being taken for granted…
And if you’re ready to have a man see you as a woman that he wants to be with forever…
