If a handsome and witty guy seems too good to be true, is he really too good to be true?
It doesn’t necessarily mean he’s lying or cheating or anything weird is going on.
But…there is still a good possibility that you’re his “backup” girl rather than the girl he really wants. In that case, it’s not “too good to be true” but it’s definitely a matter of “Don’t try too hard with this guy.”
Nobody wants to be second-best. No one wants to be a backup girl!
Then again, you don’t want to assume that just because a guy is single and over 30 that he’s hiding something. A recent article commented on the “never married, no kids” kind of guy and how that raises flags for some women.
Rather than assuming things about men because of their demographic, however, the best thing to do is to consider the signs. What do men actually do when they are treating you as a “backup” and how do you know for sure that’s what he’s thinking?
Let’s talk about seven signs that reveal a man’s true intentions, even if it’s by something as vague as texting.
1. He doesn’t want to talk about his family.
Even in texting men will “hide you” from their family. Whereas in-person he might avoid inviting you to family reunions or even introducing you to his parents, the same dynamic happens in texting. He doesn’t want to talk about his family because he still thinks of you as a sexual fling and not worthy of emotional conversation.
2. He doesn’t post photos or mention you in his social media profiles.
Guys are sometimes too over-eager to talk about their blossoming relationship or post cutesy photos on social media. Well, the opposite of that is a man who doesn’t mention you publicly, never posts photos of the two of you together, and may not even interact with you publicly. It almost seems like he’s embarrassed. You’re his dirty little secret…meaning “future plans” are minimal.
3. He cancels your dates and appointments. Frequently.
Yeah guys are busy…but then again, you’d be surprised at how they bend over backward to keep dates and remember engagements with their real crush. A man in love, or even crushing on someone, will make time. He will cancel other plans for a chance to be with his first priority.
The fact that he does cancel dates and plans, especially more than once (assume once is okay for a family emergency), is a pretty grim sign.
4. He compares you to family members.
While the whole “You remind me of my sister (or worse, my mother!)” is sort of flattering at first, the more you think about it, it’s really dangerous territory. There is something very unsexy about family. No one wants to date their mother, or sister, or father or brother. Gross!
And well, that explains why this guy is just not sexually or romantically attracted to you, if he keeps going on about how you’re his sister or aunt or fairy godmother or whatever. A euphemism is never a good sign…even if he means it genuinely, he’s also subconsciously saying that you’re too familiar. Too much like family or a family friend, not enough like a romantic partner.
5. He’s busy during all the important relationship moments.
The sad fact is that holidays, as silly as they might be, represent family tradition. If he’s never around for holidays anniversaries, family occasions, or even local festivals – he’s just not there for you at the right moments.
Now, this is sometimes more difficult to gauge when you’re texting. After all, it’s not a big deal if he doesn’t shoot you a “Merry Christmas.” Right?
But the point is, is he involved with your life? Does he text you during important family moments – or is he always with family, or with friends, or doing something else instead of being there in a real relationship?
Backup girls, side chicks, whatever he calls it, are never invited into those precious moments. They are always treated as outsiders.
6. He just doesn’t think your life is that interesting.
It can be a harsh realization when you realize that you’re the one always talking about your life. He just barely responds. Or doesn’t reply at all. Or says vague things like “That’s crazy” or some silly emoji.
Or maybe he’s only interested in one aspect of your life, usually something involving him. Or sex. But other than a superficial interest, he doesn’t seem concerned. He never asks questions, he rarely expresses sympathy and he seems to get off the topic too fast.
It is possible to feel great attraction to someone at first, but then figure out later on, they’re only faking interest or not even faking very well. They take you for granted. They may even border on being impolite or rude.
If that’s the case, and you can finally admit it to yourself that this is a one-sided relationship, then it’s time to accept that you deserve someone better.
7. Commitment, or discussing the future, as a couple just never comes up.
It’s always your idea to talk about the future, or family, or making plans ten or twenty years down the road. A man who doesn’t see a future with you never talks about it. He will either talk about his own future, without you in it, or will just avoid the topic entirely.
In contrast, a man who treats you as a priority will invest in you. Not just in terms of spending money or time, but in the amount of time he spends texting, emailing, and staying in touch with you. He wants to know about your life, your future, and all the little things that most people never ask
The guy who wants you as backup is usually only interested in sex or in whatever you can do for him.
Beware becoming the backup girl! It might be flattering to have a handsome man’s attention for a while. But once you realize that you’re his second-choice, it’s only a matter of time before he follows his heart and goes after his first choice. Or worse yet, finds another first choice, rather than leaning on the backup girl.
Don’t be that girl! Admit it to yourself and everyone else – you deserve a man’s full attention!
Texts Men Love From Women They’re Seeing
Did you know that you can trigger a man’s hormones through your text messages?
It’s true. How you communicate with a man can actually release different hormones in his body.
One of the most important ones is testosterone because that’s what makes him CHASE you, pursue you, and invest in you so that he gets “hooked” and desires something more with you.
Want to trigger this in your man?
Talk soon,
Matthew Coast
P.S. You can actually trigger a “cocktail of emotions” inside a man that makes him feel like he can’t get you out of his mind and even feel addicted to you, if you text him a certain way.
