Whether you’re in a long-distance relationship because of an emergency situation (quite common in 2020) or because of other factors that can’t be avoided, like dating someone from another country, it really is a test of your love.
When love comes too easy, we don’t tend to appreciate it. We may wonder if something better is just around the corner. By nature, when love is challenging and we actually have to work at the relationship, we appreciate it more. We treasure our love more.
So don’t view the challenge of a long-distance relationship as a nightmare or your own private misery. It’s a test. It’s a test to see if your love is real – his feelings for you and your feelings for him.
Maybe you wonder to yourself if this is real love or if the challenge of the LDR is what’s keeping you hanging on. Wonder no more! In this article, we’re going to discuss some signs that this LDR IS worth the wait and is showing signs of real love – not just infatuation and not just because you want it to happen.
If it’s real love you WILL know…because you will see the signs. Here we go…
1. You are not bored with each other. Every date is a new discovery.
You know how some couples get bored with each other? Well, not you two! Instead, you see every virtual date as a new experience to share. You both use your imagination to come up with new ideas. You share your lives together, as if you were already a married couple. You enjoy the intimacy you have, even if it’s from a distance. That’s an amazing feeling.
2. You have mutual long-term goals.
One of the reasons couples do break up is because they have very little in common besides just sex. However, when you both have long-term goals you simply “grow into each other” with time. You’re not even that tempted by other opportunities because even if they happen? You’re not interested in them. You’re both working towards shared goals, THAT’S what you want. That’s the only thing that really tempts you. Shared lifestyles and shared goals are among the most important factors in relationships that last a lifetime.
3. You don’t avoid arguing – you just avoid hurting each other.
One problem that actually unravels pretty good relationships is when couples don’t talk. They might feel embarrassed to talk or simply avoid conflict altogether because they think arguing is a negative thing. Arguing is not a negative thing to be avoided, it’s just a fact of life!
What is harmful, however, is this attitude of avoiding each other and avoiding any conflict. That slowly chips away at trust and respect. It pushes you away from each other rather than strengthening the bond you’ve created. Couples who break up always stop talking to each other – and usually because of that. Because they’re afraid of another argument.
But arguing is natural. Hurting each other’s feelings is the problem. As much as possible remember to talk about the issue and try to find common ground. Negotiate a solution rather than making personal attacks. You both win the argument if you figure out a way to keep the peace.
4. You’re not clinging to each other. You both live independent, happy lives.
Couples that self-destruct seem to become obsessive – maybe one or even both partners. If you lose control of your emotion and start to become possessive of your LDR boyfriend, he will start to feel smothered. He may rebel against your tight grip by wanting more independence. Do you give him what he wants or just tighten that leash? That’s what’s going to push him away. You have to trust each other to make a long-distance relationship work.
5. You always make time for each other and share each other’s lives.
Making time for each other and keeping dates regular is a major step forward. If you neglect scheduling dates, the relationship will suffer. But making time for each other and prioritizing your relationship above everything else will intensify the feelings you have. You will build routines together. You will look forward to hearing your partner’s voice and confiding in him. Likewise, he will find your attention comforting. This routine will continue for a lifetime! Start now, by creating these routines and sticking to a schedule.
6. You are honest about everything.
Your first reaction might be to hide the truth but it almost NEVER helps! Instead, being honest with each other and talking through your challenges, temptations, and dilemmas is the best policy. Whether you’re tempted by someone else, have another job offer, or basically any other scenario, you can discuss the situation as a couple. No secret, just sharing feelings. Just honesty.
Over time, you will find that honesty is the “glue” of the relationship. You can confess anything and so nothing is taboo. You work through problems. You earn each other’s respect. If you both have that wonderful dynamic going now, hold onto it and make every effort to keep that open-mindedness. It’s something not all couples have. But the ones that do stay together for life are almost always honest and forthcoming. There are no secrets with someone you dearly love.
7. You communicate your needs openly with each other.
When you’re in a LDR that lasts several months or even years you learn to anticipate and discuss your partner’s needs. This may involve conversation, trust-building, affection, and making on-camera dates. When the time is right, it might also involve sex.
Sex is a need and the two of you should discuss it openly – including what you want and what he wants. How can you negotiate a compromise? Is there a virtual solution that works for both of you – so that neither of you is miserable nor waiting in celibacy?
What about other issues? Can you compromise? Don’t be shy. Voicing your needs and your expectations WILL help you keep the lines of communication open.
As you can see, real love lasts as long as you both live. Even under adversity and even when things go wrong, your love only grows. You see each other as a source of comfort, a shield from everything else wrong with the world!
A relationship defined by convenience or other shallow qualities will fade. It won’t be “worth it” because it’s not a relationship defined by love or compatibility.
If you’re in a relationship that STILL fulfills you and makes you happy, even in spite of not being together in person, if you can still laugh with him, cry with him, and feel the passion over webcam or texting, then that’s real.
That’s the love that’s going to last longer than a temporary challenge that keeps you apart. Believe in love…and more importantly, believe in each other.
What do you think of this article? Do you have any questions? Ask them below!