6 Signs You’re with the Right Man

I’ve known people who have said, word for word, “I have great love for him. But I’m not in love with him.” Or sometimes they rationalize a bit more and say something like, “Of course I love him. I care about him very much. But I don’t feel passion anymore.”

And some of these statements seem to be apologetic, sad, almost as if the woman is saying, “I love him because I have to love him.”

If she doesn’t love him, then what does this relationship mean? How much time did she waste investing emotion, money and time into this man?

It’s a very uncomfortable question to ask yourself: are you’re “in love” or just saying you’re in love?

You may even be in a committed relationship but you still have doubts about him or about the future. If only someone could help you understand whether this is Real Love or just convincing yourself that you’re in love.

Not to worry, there are ways to tell if you’re with the right man. Let’s talk about six distinct signs that show both your hearts are in this relationship.

1. You’ve lost count of how many sacrifices he’s made for you.

When a man really loves you, he will make sacrifices for you and won’t complain. While many men employ a “you scratch my back, I’ll scratch yours” style of negotiation, a man who loves yu will behave very differently. He wants to please you and so putting forth serious effort means nothing to him. He doesn’t demand a favor back. He doesn’t punish you if he feels you took his sacrifice for granted. In simple words, a real man just LIKES providing for you in whatever way you need. He is happy to help you on your terms, not his, and gets pleasure from doing the work, rather than expecting a reward.

2. You both value the same things in life.

Shared values are oftentimes what determine a couple’s true compatibility. You may believe in the same moral obligation, the same religion or belief system, the same approach to parenting, or the same political / lifestyle leanings. Most of your life goals are the same, and so whenever you argue it’s a relatively shallow argument. Answers seem easy to negotiate. For other couples, negotiation seems impossible because each partner wants opposite things. This is partly what love is—finding someone who wants the same things you want. You want similar lives and so you fall in love.

3. He’s always the person you want to share with, communicate with, and spend time with every day.

Infatuation fades quickly. Dysfunctional relationships eventually fizzle out and become hostage situations. The truth is, you will never enjoy communicating with your partner if you don’t feel SAFE in telling him what’s really on your mind.

In contrast, a man who loves you encourages you to speak your mind and to share your true feelings about him, about other people you know, about how you feel, and what you need or want. It’s fun talking to him because he makes every conversation entertaining. He is chivalrous, sweet and even comfortable talking about the future if you believe that. You can even cry in front of him and not get a negative reaction. Meaning, he doesn’t embarrass you, or freak out, or make the issue all about him. You feel so close to him that you can laugh, cry, or talk honestly at any given time.

When you have a bad day, you don’t fear coming home. You want to tell him all about it, you want him to comfort you. You want to share very experience and express your thoughts, even if they seem silly or obvious. And he doesn’t object. He’s always glad to hear you express yourself. In fact, the only thing that scares you is not having him in your life!

4. He is your biggest fan and your most ardent supporter.

A real man doesn’t want to change you. He loves you just the way you are. In fact, he brags about you to his friends. He champions you in public. He believes in you and trusts you because he is actually in love with you. This makes it easy for you to love him likewise because you’re amazed at the kind of man he is. You respect his character, his career or passion, and his dedication to living a good life. You both support each other. You would never dream of putting him down in front of others. This is deep respect that you voluntarily give him.

5. You’ve lived together (or courted long-term) for a while now and you still love seeing each other.

Nothing tests a relationship like living together. Whatever interesting things went unnoticed in dating will be on full display when you spend a lot of time together. You will start to see things that annoy you. You may even have some ugly arguments after the first year or two. But your love for each other was so great, you survived all of these challenges. You both sacrifices. You both wanted to stay together and respect your commitment. You may even live or work together and see each other all the time. But you don’t constantly fight. You actually do have more good times than bad.

6. You both respect your in-laws.

Family means everything and that means you love her family and he loves yours. You’re not just tolerant of them, not just nice to them, but have actually made an effort to get closer to his family. He’s also done the same for your parents, siblings and other family members. He’s not afraid of meeting your parents. He doesn’t complain. He considers it an honor because that’s the kind of man he is—the right man for you!

If you sense that this is NOT the man you’re with and your relationship is defined by negativity and fighting, then it may be time to consider making a change.

If you see all or most of these signs, rest assured many women wish they could meet a man like this. Someone who’s “real” and not just about flirting and fooling around. This is the kind of man you CAN build a life with because he will bring just as much to the marriage as you will!

About The Author

Matthew Coast

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