6 Signs You Should Work Things Out With Him (Instead Of Breaking Up)

The realization that your marriage or live-in relationship isn’t going well can be very painful. It might not be as devastating as finding out your partner is cheating or planning to leave you. But if you thought things were going well and have just recently found out that he’s not happy or resentful about something then it can feel like a punch to the gut.

You may feel scared, betrayed, resentful, or maybe you even feel angry at yourself. Angry that you let this happen, or angry at him for not telling you sooner.

But the truth is any communication breakdown that happens is not your fault, nor is it his fault. It’s true that you both probably made mistakes. But it’s not practical to blame him or yourself for everything that happened. Relationship dynamics are complicated.

Here’s the truth. You’re both having a rough patch. Most couples do go through these difficult phases but it doesn’t have to mean it’s over. As long as you still love each other and trust each other, there may be a way to save the relationship.

Look for these six positive signs that show you shouldn’t break up and that if you hold on just a little bit longer, things will get better.

1. You still like yourself with him. The relationship still makes you a better person.

It’s hard to walk away from a good thing. And the fact is, this relationship was and still is the best thing that ever happened to you. You’re better for it and happier for it. Whatever problems you have now are nothing compared to the idea of starting over from scratch and going back to the person you used to be. Whenever you’re in doubt ask yourself, “Did I like myself more before this relationship started or do I like myself better now?” If you’re still a better person because of this relationship don’t be so quick to give up.

2. Circumstances are making you miserable. Not major personality conflicts.

It’s a shame that so many marriages are troubled (and sometimes end) because of sexual problems, money problems, and difficult living situation. Because these are conflicts brought on by circumstances—meaning if only slight adjustments could be made, there would be no major stress in your life. Maybe it’s living with a relative, being temporarily unemployed, falling into debt or going through an episode of “dead bed”. But the fact is if you could change these circumstances you would still be happy with him.

That’s a big difference between a couple who is always fighting, and always miserable, because they simply can’t stand each other! That’s the kind of conflict that will never go away. The kind of conflict that only gets worse the longer you wait.

3. You are both still very respectful of each other. You still support him and he still fights for you.

When a couple falls out of love, beyond that point of no return, they lose all respect for each other. No wonder then that they resort to insults, comparing their spouse to other people, or insulting them in public. There’s no respect in that kind of dysfunctional relationship. But when you still do love each other, you will always treat your man respectfully. You still support him and you fight for him, just like he does for you. You argue sometimes, maybe you get downright pissed at each other. But guess what? That never changes the fact that you respect the man you married and he still protects you, respects you, and never intentionally hurts you. That’s a relationship worth keeping.

4. Your friends and family don’t see a problem…in fact, they think it’s the best relationship you’ve ever had!

I really think that that families and friends have a special kind of “ESP” when it comes to sensing your happiness. If you’re in an abusive relationship, your mother and or father will see the signs. Your friends will start to despise this man who’s making you miserable. But if your family is still supportive of the relationship and rooting for the two of you to make it through this rough patch, that’s a good sign.

Now granted, it’s true that they will never see the signs of a bad relationship if you hide things from them. But what they will always be able to sense is your disposition and your peace of mind. They will know if you’re happy and if you’re merely pretending to be happy. Trust the feelings of friends and family.

5. When you’re feeling good you want him. When you’re feeling bad…you still want him.

One of the best ways to test the love of a relationship is to be honest with yourself and ask, “When I am feeling at my lowest…do I still want him there with me?” If the answer is yes, that’s a good sign. When you are feeling weak, sick, depressed or stressed, you want someone you can trust. Someone who will protect you. If you still trust him to be a good defender and provider, even if things are going so great, then it’s very likely you still love him and he still loves you.

6. The good times are still more often and memorable than the bad times.

When you’re in an abusive or unhealthy relationship, the bad times will always be more frequent and more traumatic than the good times. You may rationalize that those very few good moments make it all worthwhile, but you know deep down it’s not worth it. It’s not worth suffering those terrible moments just for a few moments of peace.

But if you’re in a good relationship that’s just hit a snag recently, then it’s different. You still have mostly good memories and good experiences with your partner. There are a few things you wish you could change. But do you mostly have a good time with him? Are you mostly happy and living a productive life? That’s because you are in a healthy and meaningful relationship. Don’t let the problem overpower the happiness in your life!

Yes, it can be very difficult to overcome this challenge in your long-term relationship. If though you still have love in your heart for your partner, you can work through it, even if your problems are severe. One of the most recurring problems with long-term couples is desire discrepancy, also called mismatched sex drives. We will be discussing a few ways that you can put some fire into a dead bed sex life in a series of articles so look for that and remember…it’s never too late to save a relationship where there’s still mutual respect.

About The Author

Matthew Coast

What's stopping you from meeting Mr Right and having the relationship you want? Click here to take the quiz.

Leave A Response

* Denotes Required Field