Is it ever acceptable to break up with a guy via text message? By instinct, we tend to say no, don’t we? Going by the old adage that we should “treat other people the way we want to be treated”, it’s hard to imagine wanting to dump someone via text message – at least someone we care for very deeply.
Maybe that’s why some people claim it’s okay to break up with someone via text message IF there is not much of a relationship to speak of in the first place. For example:
• If you hardly knew the guy but are rejecting his advances
• If you both entered into a text-only friendship, with no promises of a future, and then you decided to end it
• If you were friends with a guy and then he started displaying offensive behavior
These are all scenarios that make sense. If you don’t invest a lot of your heart in a guy, there’s not a lot of emotion involved. You can send a text to an casual acquaintance to let him know, “Hey, sorry but I don’t think this is going to work.” Or something more specific to the situation.
The real question is, once you invest your heart, and he’s invested his heart in you, do you need to meet in person to break up or can you do it by text?
I know some people say, “You should never break up by text because it’s rude and disrespectful.”
I think if you truly love a man but feel the need to break up with him, then texting is not the way to go. Sometimes a man needs closure or needs an explanation to understand why the relationship has to end.
But I think there are some circumstances that might justify a break-up-by-text.
For example, if he cheated on you, if he abused you, if he makes you miserable but you’re still addicted to his magnetism, or if there was anything else “extreme” about the situation.
The point is, if you cannot emotionally handle talking to him again, because of past trauma, or because it’s very difficult for you to leave this relationship, then a text message is okay.
In that case, I’m going to share a few text messages that get the point across and that end the relationship in a respectful and conclusive way. Notice the “intent” behind these messages.
1. I’ve had a lot of fun hanging out with you. But to be honest, I don’t think we’re meant to be together. And I don’t want to waste your time.”
This is a good message because it gives a guy credit for trying. But you want to be honest and not lead him on, thinking there’s a chance of something happening later. If you’re honest and respectful, most (normal) guys will be agreeable.
2. Hi ___. I hope you’re doing well. I’ve enjoyed talking to you these last few weeks and getting to know you some. But I just don’t feel a real connection between us. It’s nobody’s fault. Just is. And I want to be truthful, you know?
This is another example of a respectful text, giving him credit for trying, and admitting you wanted to test the chemistry. But it just didn’t happen. No loss, no regrets.
3. Hey! Well, I always do enjoy chatting with you. And I don’t mind texting and stuff. But I need you to know we will only ever be friends. Nothing more. I’m not attracted to you in that way. But it’s up to you, if you want to stay friends.
This text is for someone you do actually like and admire, but NOT in a romantic way. You would like to stay friends but want to make sure he doesn’t still have feelings for you beyond friendship. If you still trust and respect each other, and genuinely like each other’s company, you can always stay friends. But don’t lead each other on. Kill the romance as soon as you realize it’s not the real thing.
4. I just don’t think this is working. We don’t have much in common. We’re not compatible. I’m sorry but I’m not going to reply to any more messages. I hope you find what you’re looking for.
This message is a little more firm and might work for guys that just don’t get the hint. Some guys will keep “trying” even if you reject them. If that’s the case, then follow the No Contact rule. Don’t encourage them. Just let them figure out that you’re not interested.
5. Hey ____. Thanks for coming out to meet me yesterday. It was fun. I suspect you feel the same way too so I’m just going to come out and say it. I didn’t feel there was a romantic connection. I just didn’t feel it. I don’t want to ghost though. I want to be truthful with you.
This is actually a great text, because it tells the guy he did fine, he was a good date, but the decision is mutual. This is especially helpful if the guy is super sensitive or even passive aggressive. Just let him know this rejection is not about him, but about the lack of chemistry you have as a couple.
6. I am sorry for all the hurt I have caused you. We had some good times. But I can’t do this anymore. It hurts too much to keep trying and failing. You know I hate the feeling of saying goodbye. But we both need to move on. We both deserve the chance to be happy. And we’re just not ever happy, are we? Please if you love me, please let me go.
This is a rather dramatic text and it may be the only thing you can say to a man you have a hard time leaving, but that you know you can no longer live with. It’s important to show him:
• You’re not saying it’s all his fault
• This is the end and there is no saving the relationship
• If he truly “loves you” (but makes you miserable) then the loving thing to do is let you go
• That you are doing this by text because you will NOT meet in person
In closing, remember that it’s all about karma in a way. Even if you don’t believe literally in karma, the idea of treating others with the same respect you want from others is the right idea. If a man doesn’t show respect to you, then maybe a long and involved conversation is not required. He doesn’t deserve any more of your time.
But if there were real emotions in the relationship, and you did feel a genuine connection, then treat him with the same respect that he showed you.
Related Reading
- What You Text vs. What He Hears
- MEN LOVE These 5 Texts From Women
- How to Subtly Ask a Guy if He Likes You Over Text
- 5 Texts To Make A Man Fall In Love With You
The Right Text Changes Everything
What you text him matters more than you think.
The right message at the right moment can pull him closer, fast.
I made a short video showing the exact texts that make a man chase you, open up, and commit.
