5 Signs of Attraction Between Two People

You know we hear a lot of talk these days about aggressive men, toxic masculinity, and sexual harassment. And it’s really come to the point where some men are clueless about how to approach women. If they’re too aggressive, then that’s a bad thing. If they’re too shy, then that’s a bad thing. And of course, we are often told that women should never make the first move.

So how in the world do we flirt in this day and age?

I think it’s important to take a step back and re-learn some of the basics of courtship behavior. For instance, a lot of men used to believe that being aggressive and “alpha” was all he needed to do to pick up a woman. Just a lot of confidence and then bam, hop into bed.

Well obviously that was a dumb train of thought. We need to go back BEFORE all that alpha strutting and consider some very obvious – almost glaringly obvious! – information.

Like, what are the signs of attraction between two people?

That’s right, long before either one of you decides to play the seductive stranger, there are clusters of body language happening. If you pay attention to what he’s doing (and if you give off the right signals) then you can determine how the rest of the conversation goes. You can decide to encourage him to keep flirting and talking or you can end the conversation, politely letting him know you’re not interested.

If more women knew how to give better signals, and if more men learned to be perceptive and pay attention to these little details, dating communication would be vastly improved for everybody.

So let’s discuss the most common signals, both conscious and unconscious, that show definite romantic interest.

1. Making an Effort to Touch

This is the most obvious signal and yet can be easily missed. Touching is what builds intimacy, even if it’s a platonic relationship. Therefore, in a romantic setting, touching each other is key to building trust AND building sexual tension. The man usually waits until the woman initiates touching and then reciprocates. This touching can be light, targeting the elbow, arm, shoulder or back. Most men are aware that aggressively touching women without some positive interaction first, can be considered harassment. So if you really like a guy, make an effort to touch him in a light and friendly way. Nothing too bawdy or suggestive, just a little touch to tell him you like him.

As your relationship progresses, touching will become less friendly and more emotionally evocative. For instance, touching while staring at you, or touching your knee or holding your hand.

If you don’t like him, avoid touching him just to be “nice”. Don’t send him any mixed signals.

2. Fidgeting and Grooming

Both men and women do this. When men are attracted to women, they tend to fidget and groom themselves. If the man is inexperienced at dating, he may seem very nervous. But even for more confident men, they tend to have recurring gestures that suggest nervous energy. For example, clasping hands together, adjusting their hair or tie, or adjusting some other part of their clothing. The motivation is he’s suddenly self-conscious about his appearance and wants to impress you by looking his best. Some nervous gestures are even more extreme, like sweating, avoiding eye contact, or flinching.

Women do the same thing, whether it’s playing with the hair, crossing or uncrossing legs, leaning forward to show interest, or keeping a straight posture.

3. Unusually Attentive Behavior

While smiling might seem like common knowledge, a better way to describe it is “attentive.” Smiles can be faked but someone being attentive is a definite signal. Is he smiling AND maintaining strong eye contact? Does he only smile at certain moments in the conversation or is he always smiling when he looks into your eyes?

Men who are attentive also point their feet in your direction and tend to drop their arms from a folding position, showing trust and positivity. If he is standing at a distance from you, he will make an effort to come closer. If you are comfortable in his presence, come closer to him.

Is he trying to make you laugh? Or do you find yourself laughing or blushing in his presence? Don’t overestimate the importance of polite interaction and quick smiles. Instead, pay more attention to how much you’re both giggling, laughing and cracking jokes. Men try to make women laugh. When women are interested, they encourage men to be flirty, funny and even a little wild. Laughter is an aphrodisiac, so keep the laughs coming.

Pay close attention to see if the guy is doting on you. Sometimes you can blink and miss it, but when you pay attention to his body language you can notice little things you missed before. You can also pay closer attention to him, starting conversation, looking into his eyes, or even telling him a funny story.

4. Mirroring Each other

Copycat body language is an interesting phenomenon. When two people like each other they unconsciously began mimicking the way the other person talks, stands and gestures, as if to improve communication flow.

Even the energy level is palpable. If you’re around a guy you like, you will unconsciously start speaking at his energy level and gesturing similarly to him. While much of this behavior is unconscious, there’s no reason you can’t do it intentionally, just to show the guy how intrigued you are.

5. A Change in Your Voice

Both of you will alter your natural voice slightly if there’s a strong attraction. Men tend to lower their voices when they’re turned on, while women have a higher and throatier voice. This change, in addition to strong and intense eye contact, is a sure sign of mutual interest.

What matters is that you pay more than the usual attention when you’re analyzing date or pre-date behavior. If you only take a quick glance of your surroundings then you may miss some important details about a man’s behavior. Look at him for a few moments and try to figure out what he’s doing and why. When you find the answer to that, you may have a good idea of how he feels about you.

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Talk soon,

Matthew Coast

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