5 Signs He’s Getting Bored with You in Bed

The problem with marrying a good guy (you know, a kind-hearted standup gentleman) is that sometimes he’s so nice, you don’t even know when he’s unhappy. Maybe he’s too polite to tell you when there’s a problem, or doesn’t like to complain about certain things.

“Certain things” being your sex life! Maybe he thinks it’s not classy for a man to complain openly about sex. It makes him seem ungrateful. After all, shouldn’t he be thrilled that he’s with the woman of his dreams and is getting as much as he could possibly want?

Of course, he should feel be happy…so no wonder then he might be inclined to keep his mouth shut when it comes to giving feedback on how to improve your sex life. He doesn’t want to rock the boat. More to the point, he may even be uncomfortable discussing sex so frankly. He doesn’t want to criticize your technique and he doesn’t want to seem like a pig—you know the kind of insensitive jerk who leers at other women and compares your real body to all his favorite porn stars.

He doesn’t want to be THAT guy…and so he’d rather just keep this his dirty little secret. The fact that he’s BORED.

He’s bored with his sex life but doesn’t think it’s right to tell you that. This puts a bit of a burden on you, because how in the world are you supposed to know?

Here’s where being a good observer really helps. By noticing some very clear signs, you can determine if your sex life is either stuck in a rut or going in that direction.

And of course, once you identify the problem it’s time to spice things up. But for this article, we’re actually going to review five signs that show a man is getting bored with his sex life. These might seem a little subtle at first, but the more you think about it, you do start to sense a pattern going on.

1. He seems to lighten up around other women.

The easiest way to tell if your “nice guy” is actually thinking much naughtier things in his imagination is to gauge his reaction to other women. Does he become alive when he’s talking to your friends or his buddy’s wife? Does he seem fascinated with a neighbor or coworker and even work them into conversations? Does he get giddy around other women at parties and then go back to being stoic and silent around you?

Don’t take offense to this behavior. He’s not necessarily looking to cheat. He just associates his sex life right now with “being an adult”, whereas he still finds the adolescent sex fantasies of his youth a turn on. Fantasies that are taboo and “hard to do” in real life are always going to be more attractive than what is available.

2. He’s suddenly far more interested in other things than sex, believe it or not.

Most men take pride in their sexuality and they will enjoy it until the very last, er, load of testosterone is generated. Even men in their 60s, 70s, and 80s are still having sex!

So if you’ve noticed that your man is suddenly gaining an interest in avid reading, video games, drugs or alcohol, hanging out with the guys, or other boyish activities, it’s very possible he’s trying to distract himself from a sex life he feels has run its course. He’s not unappreciative of the bond you two have…just bored.

He doesn’t like the feeling, but he doesn’t want to upset you either. So focusing his efforts elsewhere may be the best compromise in his mind. If only he knew that talking about it would help make sex better for the both of you!

3. He’s lost his enthusiasm for interacting with you.

A man who’s really into a sensual experience is eager to please. Foreplay is no problem and initiating sex isn’t hard either. But if your guy is bored with the routine, don’t be surprised if he seems totally out of it during sex and in initiating sex. He may seem unusually tired and always right about the time where sex ought to be happening. Maybe during sex, he votes for the easiest position and the fastest means to an end.

He also seems disinterested in talking about sex, or about the relationship in general. He communicates more like a resentful child being forced to take a timeout. He’s not necessarily angry or cantankerous in conversation with you—just “tired” all the time.

He may occasionally be silent at the dinner table or prefer surfing the Internet and social media to a real conversation. You rarely go out anymore. In simpler words, he seems bored of the whole relationship, not just what goes on in the bedroom.

4. His porn habits or “alternative reading” habits have only increased.

If his libido is still raging but he’s bored with his sex life, don’t be surprised to find a secret stash of Internet porn and or erotic online reading material, such as eBooks, chatrooms, or even webcam parties. He is trying virtually live out forbidden erotic fantasies through cyberspace because he’s tired of the routine. More to the point, he doesn’t feel as if he can experience these fantasies with you. He is convinced you won’t be willing to talk about them.

5. He seems dead inside.

Once sexual boredom festers for a long period of time, made worse by the fact that he doesn’t discuss the problem with you, the whole marriage can suffer. He may stop complimenting you, seeming oblivious to any efforts you make to please him. He may never argue with you anymore, even though you could swear he used to enjoy it. He may even make sarcastic comments about how average your life together is—as if he resents the very household he’s built over the years. Lastly, and most tellingly, he may start openly confessing that if the relationship ended, it wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world. These passive-aggressive comments indicate a very unhappy partner and possibly a problem that’s been festering far too long.

The best way to address the problem is to talk to him as soon as you notice any of these signs, rather than waiting for a confession from him. It’s not going to be easy to break out of this rut or discuss with him why he’s so unhappy. But the sooner you deal with the issue, the better. We will discuss these themes in a future article.