It’s sad that some people today have such negative attitudes about men and fidelity.
For example, some believe that all men are cheaters by nature and they’re only as faithful as their temptations. Some believe that men “trap women” into monogamy. Some people even believe that a man is weak if he never cheats on or flirts with other women – that he’s “whipped” or socially inept.
All these stereotypes are ignorant of the truth though.
Being in a committed relationship is an honor, a kind gesture, a sacrifice and a great testament to the love he has for you. In fact, men (who are usually attracted to all sorts of women in the beginning) tend to narrow their focus when they finally find the right match.
He loses interest in other women because the attraction is only physical. He doesn’t feel the euphoria of an emotional connection with them. But he longs for you, to feel closer to you and build more trust and intimacy.
Once you have that commitment, that special trust, it’s certainly a beautiful thing. It’s the kind of feeling you want to last forever, because it feels secure. Calm. Reassuring. Everything that love should be, right?
But of course, in the back of your mind you always wonder, “Is he faithful to me?”
Or maybe even “Would he ever cheat? What if circumstances were right, what if he was seriously tempted? Would he be faithful to me and could I forgive him?”
Those thoughts are natural.
But here’s the thing. Men usually don’t randomly cheat. Most men usually don’t jump at the chance to have an affair. And believe it or not, for the most part, women are not throwing themselves at married or committed men!
It’s true that some men are cheaters by nature. But more often than not, a man and his wife (or girlfriend) drift apart. They lose trust, they lose respect for each other, and they slowly take for granted the love they once felt.
But even then, most men are usually not inclined to cheat…not until there’s a strong emotional connection with the new mistress. They don’t have affairs for sex. It’s too messy, too risky, too RARE of a temptation.
No, what happens is that these cheating guys fall in love again – they form an emotional bond with another woman and essentially find a “second wife”, one who offers what his real wife doesn’t give him. Like affection, intimacy, a listening ear, compassion, so on and so on.
That’s the point. When a man is happy in a relationship, he usually doesn’t cheat. Sure, he’s tempted, he fantasizes, sure. But he doesn’t cheat – unless the relationship is severely lacking in trust, intimacy and emotional connection.
So if you’re worried about how happy your man is in the relationship, rather than immediately suspect him of cheating because “all men cheat!” or a paranoid thought like that, look for signs of his faithfulness.
Here are five positive signs that show not only is he faithful to you now, but he will most likely NEVER cheat!
1. He is honest to a fault – he tells you everything, even confessions you might not expect.
When a guy trusts you enough to tell you everything, it demonstrates his intense love and loyalty. He’s confessing to you what he feels, private thoughts, maybe even what he fantasizes about. Maybe something unflattering about himself or something he feels guilty revealing.
This is not a sign of weakness. On the contrary, it’s a sign of a solid relationship, one that he doesn’t want to endanger by withholding information. Don’t be threatened by his confessions. Reward him for his honesty and always let him feel safe in telling you the truth.
2. He’s just too busy to have an affair.
Men who stay busy with work, family and other ambitions, tend to have far less time to devote to finding a mistress. If he wants to have an intense emotional and physical affair then he has to invest long hours, money, and genuine effort to find that love connection. It’s not surprising then that many men just don’t have the time – nor the desire to hurt their spouse who works just as hard to manage a family.
3. He’s never cheated before…and patterns matter.
Some people argue that cheaters might have different genes than the rest of us. Others argue it’s a behavior learned in childhood, usually by a dysfunctional family. But one thing’s for sure. Cheaters tend to repeat their sins…while people who never cheat usually don’t start cheating – especially if the relationship is going strong.
4. He doesn’t have friends or family who cheat.
Simply put, if your guy hangs around cheating friends, or family members who cheat, or even a “poly” community, his decision to remain monogamous could change. We tend to adopt the thoughts of our peers the more we talk to them.
But if he avoids contact with cheaters, with ex-girlfriends, and any situation that might be too “tempting”, then you know he’s taking his vow seriously. His entire lifestyle is built around the idea of faithfulness and family. He doesn’t go out of his way to cheat because that’s not his lifestyle, not a need, not a priority in his life.
5. He respects you too much to lie to you.
Men who can keep up affairs (and the lies to go with them) lose respect for their spouse. It’s a no-brainer. If you love someone you don’t risk hurting them, humiliating them, or causing emotional distress. Men who value and respect their wives typically don’t cheat and even if they do surrender to temptation, they often confess their affair before they’re discovered. Studies suggest fidelity and having respect for one’s mate comes from a man having a healthy and respectful relationship with his mother. He learns to respect women from her example and his father’s example.
In contrast, men who had abusive or neglectful mothers tend to be chronic cheaters. They lack respect because they can’t trust, they can’t find peace in a committed and honest relationship.
That’s why I always advise couples to trust each other. When two people have genuine respect for each other, cheating isn’t an option. You can’t help but think of the consequences to the affair. You can’t help but think, in the back of your mind, about how your partner would react to this bad news. That shows love. That shows devotion. If you have something that precious, embrace it and be grateful that you’ve found each other and have built a family unit so strong!
Is He Loyal Because He Loves You?
A man who won’t cheat is usually a man who’s truly in love. If you want to know how deep his feelings go, start there.
My free quiz looks at how he treats you and tells you where his heart is in about a minute.
