It seems almost unfair, this idea some people promote, which says ALL men secretly lust after women. Like when you meet a guy and can’t tell if he’s into you. A friend might say, “Oh believe me, he’s into you!”
Because the stereotype says all men want sex, all of your “friends” want to sleep with you, and that basically men just want sex constantly and that’s their primary motivation.
Sorry, but that’s not true!
Now I’m not saying that “men are not like that!” Well of course some men are. Sure, a lot of guys want sex, a lot of guys are secretly in love or lust with their “friends”, yeah that happens.
But the problem with stereotypes is that while there are always “case in point” examples, there are also many instances in which the assumption is not true.
Not ALL men are attracted to all women. Easy truth. That’s why you need signs that he’s sexually attracted to you.
Furthermore, just because a man is your friend doesn’t mean he secretly wants to sleep with you. Truth.
And obviously, (and I’m sure everyone will agree with this one…) just because a man wants to sleep with you does NOT mean he’s really in love with you!
We could even say that just because a man finds you attractive, it does NOT mean he wants to sleep with you.
So let’s stop assuming that all men go for the same types of women because they don’t. In fact, you do NOT want to assume a man wants you and then start mindlessly flirting with him.
Because that could prove to be terribly awkward if he isn’t attracted to you. It could also ruin a good friendship, since you would change the dynamic between the both of you. Now instead of thinking, “Oh she’s my friend who I can always trust!” He’s thinking, “Ohhh I think she’s making a play for me…but I don’t see her like that. Geez, I really don’t know what to say to her now!”
Signs He is Sexually Attracted to You
Let’s back up a step and start paying attention to the SIGNS that show whether a man is interested in you sexually (or romantically) or just considers you a friend. These signs are obvious the more you think about them because they’re all about emotion.
1. He wants to be closer to you.
A man who is attracted will lessen the distance between you. He will come slightly into your space, just to test the waters and see how you react. A man who’s interested in you will also have more welcoming body language, like spread legs, uncrossed arms and more “platonic” touching of your arms or shoulders.
A man who isn’t interested, and doesn’t desire more intimacy, will always keep a comfortable distance – even if you’re a good friend. This is an important sign that he’s attracted to you sexually.
2. He gazes into your eyes as if silently sending you messages.
Whether a man is shy or not, he will always long to look at you, as if he’s telling you how he really feels. He won’t always hold the stare, since he figures that will be too obvious. But he will keep looking at you, then glancing away, then looking back.
A man who isn’t attracted to you will still look at you, but he won’t gaze – he’ll just tease, smirk and smile as if he’s hanging out with his guy buddies. He might even seem “distracted” when he’s talking to you, as if he’s looking for another woman to chat with.
3. If He’s Sexually Attracted, He Alters His Voice.
While the “nervous voice” is a dead giveaway, even confident men change their voice when they’re around attractive women. A man’s voice becomes deeper, almost subconsciously, since women instinctively find men with deeper voices attractive. This deep and romantic voice indicates a sexual state of mind.
Men who aren’t attracted will almost always keep the same platonic voice, no major changes. He’s wooing you because he’s sexually attracted to you.
4. He, ahem, peeks at your assets.
Men are not exactly subtle when it comes to indulging in their attractions. A man who desires you will find a way to check you out physically, whether he stares a long time or just a peek here and there. While staring at cleavage might be just pure instinct, keep in mind that some guys actually want to get caught staring since this sends a very obvious message: “You know I like you, right?”
Men who aren’t that interested in you will occasionally check you out, but won’t have the same enthusiasm or nervous “ticks” that an attracted guy will. Attracted man always smiles, or blushes, or finds a reason to make you laugh. Guy who isn’t into you lacks enthusiasm…in fact, he’d rather talk about other women.
5. He keeps the conversation going an absurdly long time!
Men who aren’t that into you have a lot of things to do. Not so, with a guy who desires you. He’s attracted to you and so wants to further engage you in conversation. He wants to hear mundane details about your life and also wants to share the less interesting details of his day. He wants to discuss things with you. Sometimes he’ll even joke or hint that he finds you beautiful, or pleasant to be around, or very interesting. Simply put, the more he wants to be around you for no apparent reason, the more he’s captivated by you!
As you can see, sexual tension is less about subtle words and phrases, and much more about physical interaction. If you notice a man is giving positive signs of attraction, reciprocate the attention. Let him feel safe and welcomed, giving him back signs of interest.
Then, he can escalate the tension by admitting his feelings or even asking you out on a date (or non-date that kind of feels like a date). Just remember that many guys will not make an obvious play for you UNLESS he senses that you’re into him as well. He wants to know that he’s not going to be left out hanging and embarrassing himself.
If you like him, be sure to reward his attention with mutual signs of attraction and see where the relationship goes!
This makes him see you as the One Special Woman in his life…
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Talk soon,
Matthew Coast
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