5 Signs He Doesn’t Really Love You Anymore

I don’t know if there are any movie buffs out there but there’s a great film from 2004 called “Closer”. It’s a somewhat dark film about the lies we tell in toxic relationships. One of the best lines in the film, which also happens to be part of Act III is when one character tells the other:

“I don’t want to lie. Can’t tell the truth, so… it’s over. I don’t love you anymore. Goodbye.”

Yes, it seems especially harsh and of course, once you see the film in its entirety you’ll understand why. But it got me thinking about relationships and what I call a “breaking point that occurs in toxic couplings. That is, a moment when someone – who formerly loved their partner dearly – decides “I don’t love you anymore.”

Yes there is a breaking point where love can simply vanish, especially in relationships that are built on negative energy or dysfunctional attraction. Even in normal relationships, abuse, trauma or just a deterioration of love and communication can bring about this breaking point, this point of no return.

Once a person realizes that their partner will never change, and that they are not happy, that’s usually when love vanishes. Maybe you’ll still love them as a friend or as a person you’ll always care about, but the romance and the trust will be gone.

Now I also know that many of us are a little paranoid in our own relationships and we have to wonder to ourselves: have WE reached that point? Your husband or your boyfriend, does he still love you? Or lately, does it seem like he’s always in a bad mood and perhaps even argumentative when you try to talk?

Don’t worry. Just because he’s bitter, or even angry, doesn’t mean the love has totally evaporated. I tend to think most couples, at least the ones I’ve met in my experience, do still have strong feelings for each other.

Still, it might help to actually learn about the negative signs that shows in couples who have lost that love and lost it permanently. We’re going to consider five signs that show a guy doesn’t love you anymore, based on his thought patterns and behavior. After we review the signs, we’re going to talk about ways to salvage a relationship going through rough spots.

1. He avoids spending time with you.

Men who have lost that loving feeling will do the opposite of building a strong relationship based on communication and spending time together. That’s right, he will stop trying to communicate and will try to avoid seeing you. He will find reasons to be busy. He will go out with friends, or even family, anything to get away from you. He may waste entire days or weekends doing his own thing and hardly speaking to you. This means that he no longer feels loyalty or even the desire to bond. He usually doesn’t even call or text unless it’s to convey a message about errands. He may claim he wants space in the relationship, but what he’s actually doing is just stepping back and no longer providing for your emotional needs.

2. He disrespects you in ways that he can’t easily take back.

When men stop loving a woman, they get really ugly. One of the first things he may start doing is comparing you to other women. This doesn’t mean merely saying, “Say that girl was cute!” This is more hurtful and personal criticism, along the lines of, “Why can’t you be more like Her?” Or “Why can’t you do this, like she does?” It’s very insulting to say that to someone and sadly, this indicates a point of no return. The real point is though, it’s not necessarily comparisons that are the problem. The real problem is that he’s overly critical of you and is trying to make you feel inferior. Whether he’s doing this to punish you, or is simply trying to chase you away is irrelevant. The lack of love he feels for you is obvious.

3. He never even says “I love you.”

There’s a big difference between a man who mutters “I love you…” in a mutter or a slur, as if he HAS to do it, vs. a man who will never say “I love you” ever. While the former is not a great place to be, it still offers SOME hope. A man who intentionally does not say “I love you” in return is avoiding giving emotional commitment. He wants you to know he is not happy. He may even be saving his “I love you’s” for someone else. In other words, he can sense that his withholding is hurting you, and once again, he doesn’t care.

4. It’s not just a sexual thing…he really doesn’t like romance either.

Your guy has become more of a roommate than a lover or soul mate lately. Obviously, a lack of sexual intimacy indicates a problem. But a lack of “mush”, or romance, or emotional bonding (whatever you call it) is an even worse sign. If he gets irritated when you try to express love to him, he is showing signs of long-term resentment. Now it’s true that sometimes men do get irritable, depending on timing, mood and even the way you say things. But if he constantly seems to be in a bad mood, and if it’s always the result of you initiating intimacy of some kind, he no longer feels invested in the relationship.

5. He tries to make you fall out of love with him.

Lastly, understand that a man who is falling out of love with you will not only become colder but will also start projecting onto you that you’re becoming colder with him. He feels guilty because of his own lack of love. The best way to relieve some of that negative feeling is to convince himself that you’re doing the same thing to him—or worse! Even if you’re trying hard to address the problem, he keeps “gaslighting you” and trying to convince you that you’re the one wanting to leave. Now he can exit the relationship without being at fault, or so he thinks.

If you notice these rather extreme signs, then it’s time to have an honest talk with the guy and determine whether he really wants to continue the relationship or not. Even if you don’t notice these signs you can still approach him in conversation and find out what’s bothering him and how you can both take steps to improve it.

You can always negotiate a compromise if there’s love, but love can spoil if one or both partners lose respect for each other. Keep doing regular “maintenance” on the relationship to make sure your feelings for each other stay respectful and healthy.

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Talk soon,

Matthew Coast

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Matthew Coast

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