One of the best moments in dating is the first one – the one where he finally texts you! You officially have his number and he has yours. Or maybe it’s when you become Facebook or Instagram friends, and now you have a direct channel to him any time you want.
Great! Have fun texting and hopefully easing him into a more progressive relationship, culminating in real life and in-person dates.
But just a word of caution. Just because you CAN text him, doesn’t mean he’s going to appreciate any text message you send him.
Let’s think of it this way.
Most texts that you do send a guy will fall into one of these categories:
1. He hates it and either ignores or blocks you.
2. He sees it but doesn’t feel compelled to answer you.
3. He sees the text and types a short reply. He wants you to know he read it.
4. He really enjoys the text and smiles. He usually replies with something similar or he opens up.
5. He loves your text! He is so amazed he either types a long message, calls you, or tries to ask you out.
Now granted, not every single message can be a 4 or 5. Sometimes you may only be able to send a 3. But if you can send more 4s and 5s and avoid sending any pointless 1s and 2s, then he will start to associate with you good feelings and conversation.
In this discussion, we’re going to discuss how to create a good text. And rather than just share a bunch of cool text messages, we’re actually going to discuss the rules for texting your crush – both what to do and what not to do. Think of these as the commandments of texting. Whatever you do, don’t break the commandments!
1. Ask yourself before posting: is this a message I would send to myself?
Is it too personal? Too stressful? Too boring? Too weird or rambling? Then don’t send it. Instead, take a step back and remember that texting is not in-person dating, it’s not free therapy, and it’s not virtual reality! It’s actually just a PRELUDE to dating someone you like in person.
So texts should be flirty, exciting, fun, and always positive. Think of them as little dopamine spikes that give a guy a jolt of laughter and a smile. He wants to read your best stuff (even if it’s stolen from someone else) and look forward to new messages every day.
Not only should you go for better A-list material…but you should also try to take things OFFLINE. Don’t stay his internet friend. Aim to be his girlfriend, in-person, in-bed, at parties and living together!
2. Don’t wait too long. It’s a silly game.
Too much has been written about the “wait 3 days” or “wait until blah blah” rule. The reality is you should just text each other at a natural pace. Not within seconds of getting the message – because no one should just drop what they’re doing to answer a text. And for that matter, no one should be waiting by their phone 12 hours a day anticipating a new text!
Write when you have the time to do so, and according to the natural pace that HE is writing you first. Does he take a few hours at a time? Then match that schedule. Does he reply in just a few minutes? Then whenever you get a free minute from what you’re doing, text him back. There’s no need to wait hours if he’s writing back in minutes.
And remember, there’s no reason to keep the conversation going if you’re busy. (And you should be busy) Let him know you’ve got things to do if the conversation comes to an end. Leave him wanting more and then periodically message him to establish a daily rapport.
3. Avoid anything fake.
When we say “stay positive” we mean as a lifestyle, as a perspective. Because staying positive makes you happier.
That does NOT mean having to put on this fake personality, like you’re at work talking to the CEO, or like you’re on an awkward date where you’re both trying to say the right thing.
Be open, honest, and real. When the time is appropriate, share your true feelings. Don’t hide your opinions. Don’t try to be someone he would like. Be the best version of yourself. Say the things that make you laugh and inspire you. He will instantly be able to tell when you stop “faking” politeness and instead start sharing your true personality.
4. Just remember that sarcasm is like hot sauce.
Remember that sarcasm works much better in person than in text. If you can think of a joke with an obvious punchline that’s one thing. But problems can happen when you’re being naturally sarcastic and expect your crush to get your sense of humor.
It doesn’t always happen that way. Text is not always read in the same voice. Sarcasm oftentimes doesn’t come out right. He may take you too seriously or may be confused.
Or even worse, he will think you’re socially awkward and that you’re on two different wave-lengths. Now he might start backing away.
It’s just safer to go for the funny and not assume he’s getting all the sarcasm and inside jokes as soon as you tell them. Use sarcasm like hot sauce. Hot sauce is awesome, right? Doesn’t always work with ice cream, cereal, yogurt, etc.
5. Learn the art of open-ended questions.
Learning the art of good conversation is one half education and reading interesting things to share, and one half asking questions. Draw him out. Get his experience. Get his knowledge. Get him talking and venting on his favorite subjects.
The best way to do it? It’s not waiting until he brings it up. It’s not asking him directly, as if he’s doing you a favor. It’s simply following his train of thought and then asking OPEN-ENDED questions. Nothing that can be answered in a Yes or No.
Instead, ask him vague questions (Have you ever…) or specific questions (Didn’t you once say that…), or questions that relate to him (say, I want your expert opinion on this…).
Ask the right questions and he will want to talk all night long!
Remember that each guy does have a different personal style in his texting. So it may take you some time to learn his responses and his unique “language” in replying to you, and to other people in general.
Generally speaking, however, guys do respond to women who take an interest in them, keep positive associations, and help them along in conversation. Once you’re on the same page, flirting comes much easier!
Text him this to trigger his desire to chase you…
Did you know that you can trigger a man’s hormones through your text messages?
It’s true. How you communicate with a man can actually release different hormones in his body.
One of the most important ones is testosterone because that’s what makes him CHASE you, pursue you, and invest in you so that he gets “hooked” and desires something more with you.
Want to trigger this in your man?
Talk soon,
Matthew Coast
P.S. You can actually trigger a “cocktail of emotions” inside a man that makes him feel like he can’t get you out of his mind and even feel addicted to you, if you text him a certain way.
