4 Signs Your Husband Doesn’t Love You Anymore

“I don’t love you anymore.”

Devastating words and yet they’re not actually very common. In many cases, a partner will avoid saying those words, even if he thinks it and even if he’s ready to leave. Why?

First of all, because he knows saying these words will provoke you. He probably wants to avoid arguing, avoid making you cry, and avoid having any deep and emotional conversations with you. If he’s not in love with you, he doesn’t want to deal with that kind of stress. It’s also possible that he wants to arrange for his “new relationship” to start before he leaves you.

I know, that’s kind of lowdown, but it happens. Sometimes men can be selfish and they would rather have something than nothing.

But here’s the thing. Sometimes it is all in your head! Sometimes you might panic and assume he’s falling out of love with you, just because the dynamic has changed.

So it’s important to figure out what he’s actually communicating in his most recent behavior. Is something bothering him? More to the point, can the relationship be saved or is it already too late?

Here are four signs to look for that will make the future crystal clear.

1. He’s already practicing a life without you.

The sure sign of love is the desire to spend time with you. So if your husband always finds an excuse to be alone, or to be with friends, or other women, or be practically anywhere except with you, this shows his true feelings. He has given up on the idea of living with you happily ever after and he’s already “living alone” in his own mind.

But you have to use common sense as well. Sometimes men do want to be alone and it has nothing to do with falling out of love. In fact, I encourage couples to spend time apart, and to cultivate hobbies apart from each other.

But then there’s that – the desire for independence – and then there’s total separation. As in, he NEVER goes out with you, he never wants to cuddle or have sex, he never wants to talk and he never wants to just “chill” with you and enjoy your company. All he really does with you is formal “events” for the benefit of others. He wants people to think he’s still with you, even though you can clearly see his heart is not in it anymore.

2. He has stopped providing for you.

Men are, if nothing else, hard workers and loyal partners. And when they are, they show it. Even rebellious bad boys and “players” still love to please women. They work hard to make you laugh, make you feel sexy, and entertain you.

BIG difference for a man who’s no longer in love with you. He will stop providing for you, stop doing you favors, and stop doing anything positive on behalf of you. He has “given up” because the joy of pleasing you, the joy of making you happy, is lost.

Sometimes he may occasionally promise to do something, or pretend to do something for you (usually in front of other people) but he NEVER delivers. That’s why you keep getting that horrible feeling of hurt and disappointment because you can sense he’s not trying anymore.

3. He doesn’t cherish the relationship and he doesn’t care about your feelings.

Men who have emotionally already “left” are immune to all the sentimental things that keep people together. He doesn’t feel much guilt anymore. He doesn’t want to talk about the relationship. He never thinks in long-term scenarios and implies frequently that this relationship is costing him everything and that he doesn’t know how much longer he can keep going.

When you do want to talk about the relationship, he always resists. Why? Because he doesn’t want to fall back in love with you, or care, or feel something emotionally. Everything about your union together is negative and impossible to fix.

You’ll also notice that the way he argues with you has changed. Couples can argue passionately, even violently, but still intensely love each other. When he’s fallen out of love with you he avoids any emotional connection. He erupts into rage when you argue him – focusing on your flaws and harshly criticizing you instead of sticking to issues. He may have even reached the point where he ignores you altogether. He treats you like someone he doesn’t trust, or a stranger that he used to know – to borrow a line from Goyte.

The tension is awful and the bad mood is so palpable. He resents you, he doesn’t want to fix the relationship – he just wants to escape. You can feel it and that’s why it hurts so bad.

4. He’s not just interested in other women’s bodies – he really wants to fall in love with someone else.

With respect to the polyamorous community, I don’t believe most men have the ability to love more than one person at a time. (I know, there are exceptions to the rule but they are not the majority)

So yeah every guy out there fantasizes about other women. And confessing his lust for other women is not always the big deal some people make it out to be. I think talking about sexual fantasies is healthy.

The problem happens when it’s no longer lust but LOVE that he wants to find. He’s no longer in love with you so he focuses on meeting his next partner. It’s no longer about sex.

It’s about sharing, deep conversation, bonding, planning a life with a different person. That’s the first thing a man does when he stops loving his wife or girlfriend. He’s looking to replace that feeling that he lost.

And to add insult to injury, your man may also say disrespectful things to you, about your body, or about the flaws he perceives in you. He no longer loves you so he makes terrible comments that border on abuse. There’s no excuse for that.

Yeah lust is one thing, but a man who continues to hurt his partner with rude comments and who secretly wants to replace his current love with someone else, has really lost all the love in his heart.

I know it’s stressful and emotional to read articles like this – especially if you can see the signs and have seen that change happen.

But take heart. There are many articles on this blog that explain what you can do to try to heal a relationship before a breakup, how to break up (and maybe get back together later on), and how to permanently leave and find happiness without him. I encourage you to keep reading and let’s find a solution.

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Talk soon,

Matthew Coast

P.S. If you’ve been banging your head against the wall because you’ve fallen for a man who’s frustratingly unavailable…

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About The Author

Matthew Coast

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