I think we all have that one special friend in our lives, the one who’s been married for 20, 30, or even 50 years. We always wonder how did they do it? What special wisdom did he / she have that made a marriage last a lifetime? Why can’t I have that? Why are my relationships always lacking? What can I do to end up just like George and Alice over there? (Or whatever name fits your circle of friends)
Is there a secret? No, I don’t believe there is. I might even venture to say that maturity is the secret…and that sometimes youth blinds us all to mistakes that we can’t possibly anticipate until we learn the hard way.
That might sound a little vague…after all, what is maturity? Why can we not make logical sense of things right now? Why do we have to suffer throughout our 20s and 30s? (And some of us even into our 40s and 50s!)
It might be an easier lesson to digest if we break down the abstract term of “maturity” and divide it into four individual habits that characterize happiness. As we analyze them, you may find that they not only make good common sense, but they are also self-preserving habits. They look out for you and for your partner
They are not really emotional in nature but logical as well as spiritual. What I mean by that is that there’s a sense of SELF-improvement in all of these items.
When we’re young we’re so eager to find love, to find sex, to find ego fulfillment that we neglect our own SELF-improvement. That, ironically, is what gets us into trouble. The fact that we jump into these relationships without realizing the dangers, without realizing the essence of ourselves. Let’s review four habits that happy couples have and how we can all learn from them. Finally, we’ll discuss why it is that they never actually talk about these happy habits and how it’s some kind of happy little secret!
1. They take care of themselves.
Older couples may not even think of “self-care” as a thing…but experience gives you the instinct to take care of yourself and to be a little more cautious about letting other people take control of your life. Happy couples don’t need the relationship to stay happy…the relationship is a reflection of their collective joy as individuals. They’ve learned to accept disappointments of the past and have found inner peace. Now that they’ve found happiness on their own, because of practicing self-care, they are able to be a better husband and a better wife.
2. They’re beyond the stage of dysfunction and searching. Their bond is unique and incomparable to anything else in their life.
When singles leap into relationships emotionally, and not with their full mind, they tend to compare relationships. Some girls are looking for their surrogate fathers. Some girls try to act like their mother. Sometimes they look for a guy who reminds them of their first boyfriend or their last boyfriend, or even a celebrity on TV. But one thing all these relationships have in common? They’re being unfairly compared to someone else.
Real love comes from appreciating a unique relationship for what it is. It’s not comparable to anything else. You’ve made all your mistakes by now and what you truly desire is mutual respect. Honesty. Common goals and values.
You have a good conversation together because you appreciate each other for who you are. You focus on sharing, laughing, and enjoying your mutual interests. Nothing left to prove…it’s finally time to start being happy!
3. Sex is about intimacy, not release.
Sex in your twenties tends to be all about the release, the challenge, and conquest, the experimentation. But rarely is it about intimacy. Young love tends to have a shield up, protecting the heart. Nobody wants to be tied down, taken advantage of, or forced into a commitment they’re not ready for. Such attitudes only make emotional intimacy more difficult.
Since happy couples tend to be past the stage of sexual experimentation, they enjoy the emotional intimacy even more than the physical pleasures of sex. Sex is better BECAUSE of the emotional honesty, the nakedness of feelings, the revealing of one’s self, heart, body, mind, and soul. It’s both erotic and yet safe, emotionally rewarding. It’s not release, but rejuvenation. The kind of sexual experience that never really ends, because you never say goodbye…just goodnight!
4. They’ve given up on trying to “change” each other.
We do waste a lot of time hoping our youthful partners will change for us and it rarely ever happens. People usually don’t change—not unless it’s a change that they already want to make. But nobody really changes just because their partner expects them to, pressures them to, or hopes they will.
Happy couples don’t care about perfecting their partner or upgrading them to be a trophy spouse. They accept each other as they are and exactly what they are in the here and now. They don’t try to change each other’s opinions or way of thinking because they’re wise enough to know it doesn’t work. Even if it did, why would you want to change the person you’re already in love with?
They don’t play mind games and they approach the relationship very honestly. Young ones very often fall in love with a fantasy or very high ideal. Happy couples with experience behind them enjoy the moments together.
The quiet, the simple, the beautiful and the meaningful. They support each other as is. They flirt with each other and tease each other because they leave all insecurity at the door, so to speak. They share all thoughts, listen intently and communicate regularly.
The reason happy couples have this “secret”, that of which they never actually talk about openly, is because a lot of these feelings seem mutually understood. They may even think of the habits as common sense—and yes it is common sense, to a person who has had a life of some experience and trial by error.
But to someone newly dating, some of these life lessons may be beyond their understanding, their developing perspective on life.
The good news is that regardless of your age, you can apply in your own dating life what you learned here today. Spend a little more time improving your sense of self. Find inner peace and let go of old baggage. Open your heart, not to just anyone who asks, but to someone who is honest and respectful. Develop a natural rapport based on mutual respect and admiration for the man’s character.
You don’t have to make another ten years worth of mistakes in dating. There’s no need to talk about it…but it’s imperative that you start practicing it. Because a long-lasting relationship is merely a beautiful reflection of two people that have decided to be happy.
The 5 Word Phrase That Destroys a Man’s Love For You And Drives Him Out Of Your Life
There’s a simple 5 word phrase that will destroy any man’s love for you and drive him out of your life completely…
It usually comes out as an honest question when you want to connect with him…
But only serves to push him away and slowly kill your relationship from the inside out…
It can take a man who is filled with love and passion for you…
And make him feel cold, distant, and uninterested…
Have you figured out what it is yet?
Many women send this as a text message when they’re feeling insecure…
And then are confused why he suddenly pulls away and disappears completely…
Most of the women who ask it don’t even know how harmful it is…
Yet it can take a relationship that seems like it’s perfect…
A relationship where you feel loved, cared for, and like you’ve finally found “the one”…
And overnight, it can tear that relationship apart…
Leaving you confused, frustrated, and heartbroken…
If you don’t know what this simple yet seemingly innocent question is…
I want you to stop what you’re doing and go watch this video presentation that I put together for you at the link below…
Click here to watch the video now <<
My name is Matthew Coast and I’ve been teaching in the dating industry on since 2005…
I’ve helped hundreds of thousands of women, all over the world…
Get into relationships where they feel loved, seen, and cherished by the men they’re with…
When you click the link this link right here <<
I show you what this 5 word phrase is…
I’ll teach you about why men pull away, how to stop it from happening…
And how to attract the man you want…
Into a relationship where you’re loved and adored and treated like a priority…
No matter how painful things have been in your past…
You can attract a great man and have a great relationship…
Just click the link on your screen and the watch the video right now…
If you’re struggling with men pulling away from you…
If you’re tired of giving everything to a relationship and only being taken for granted…
And if you’re ready to have a man see you as a woman that he wants to be with forever…
I am not married yet but I will like to be part of this group.
I fell head over heels in love with one that I also friends of the families with and was built 100% on friendship, acceptance, common and what I’ve experienced to be the right things. Then I was forced to leave the state. We no longer really talk anymore. I’m terribly afraid I accidently hurt the very one I wished to spend my life with and he may feel abandoned or betrayed. Most recently I lost my business and therefore incomes home, car and so much more. I turned to the One and only One that can vindicate all of my mistakes to and make any tiny mark of my life worth living yet another day or what is yet to come remarkable, beyond what I believe we humans are even capable of comprehending. I sit quietly in silence repenting as for any and all hurt I caused and for what all is more than than forb5he7 yo much want them in their lives at all.
I fell head over heels in love with one that I also friends of the families with and was built 100% on friendship, acceptance, common and what I’ve experienced to be the right things. Then I was forced to leave the state. We no longer really talk anymore. I’m terribly afraid I accidently hurt the very one I wished to spend my life with and he may feel abandoned or betrayed. Most recently I lost my business and therefore incomes home, car and so much more. I turned to the One and only One that can vindicate all of my mistakes to and make any tiny mark of my life worth living yet another day or what is yet to come remarkable, beyond what I believe we humans are even capable of comprehending. I sit quietly in silence repenting as for any and all hurt I caused and for what all is more than than forb5he7 yo much want them in their lives at all.
I only want tex / phrases to get him back
Wow! Very intuitive! And extremely wise advice. I love it! Thank you for this and all of your other tips and advice. You have helped me so much in learning how to take care of me and everything else will fall into place. Reading your emails almost daily has given me much to think about the male in love and how they are wired. Thank you thank you!
I am spiritual and love Jesus! He is my everything and if you seek Him first, then you will have all your hearts desires just as He promises! I am patiently working on me while He is working on my future husband
Matthew 6:33 (KJV)
33 But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.
I agree. Great comment!!
Very insightful and very good advice
Lately I have been hearing some older females say fall in love with a man who loves you more…
I would have to agree. I married young and the 2 regrets I don’t have are my children. They are in their 20s and I’m in my 40s.
I am jealous of the woman that has a man that loves her and wants her to be happy.
So for any young girl reading this please make sure he treats his mama good and he is your best friend…
Yes. Agree 100%
Thank you for the wonderful advice Sending good thoughts and prayers to you
Wonderful! Best wishes!
Thank you for the sound advice 🙂
I am so in love with the man I think is my future, but I am struggling with him treating me poorly when I do not follow all his rules . Do you have any advice for me. Ty
Get out and get out fast. He is a controller and you will suffer all your life. Lots out there that will treat you as equal and with respect.
Please listen to this: He should not have “rules” for you. Ask if he’ll see a therapist with you, and if not, please do yourself a favor and leave him. You deserve better.
Yes, Run…. Following someone’s rules to get live and approval leads to a very unfulfilling life! Discover your own beauty and worth and the right person will also see that in you and Love you for You!
RUN its your partner not your boss you shouldn’t have to follow rules
RUN and don’t look back. Then start respecting yourself by setting and sticking with your own standards. Do this and a much better man will grace your life.
Geraldine
I’m in. love someone that has Schizophrenia and he has pulled away from me because of hallucinations and delusion thought s in has mind. What. do I do
If a man goes to prostitute or still can’t commit but says he’s sorry is therapy enough
Seek a healthier partner.
You should be happy he pulled away..let him go & save your heart & soul..God is the greatest & loves you
..Be thankful
Just a lovely and truthful description of real love and partnership between 2 people. I can attest to the growth as we mature. My first marriage was a disaster (divorced after 20 miserable years), my second was better (but I’m widowed now). I have to admit I’m a better person now than I was when I was young. I hope I’ve finally learned my lesson. I’m in my 60s and still believe in love.
We need that maturity, we need a book that states all of the sound advices! Us younger lot are so ridiculously naïve!
Good stuff I want to join thank you
I’ve been with my partner for 30yrs and are not married but will be this July 2021 you do have your ups and downs just remember talk things out works all the time
This makes so much sense. Been together with my husband for 39 years, married for 25. Couples who stay together for years are way past the emotional stuff. They accept each other for who they are; nagging, cranky, and all. They think and act logically. They fight, they forgive after talking about it. They don’t sweat the small stuff. They make sacrifices. One thing about getting older is that the outside may age but your feelings/emotions stay the same. However, maturity tells you some of your feelings are not facts so you learn not to act upon them as you did when you were in your 20s. Those who do not accept reality keep chasing those feelings for the rest of their lives.
Amazing 🙂 Gotta write it down
I’m 39 and my fiance is 38 we have been together for 13 years. I have 3 teenagers that is not his but raised since they where 1 and 2 he’s Believe the best father to my kids. Believe me we have had our ups and downs but growing older together has made a difference. Realizing the struggles we overcome in our years of being together is amazing. The best advice that I can give is just take it day by And give it all that you have and watcher your love grow stronger everyday…. But never stop working on yourself and loving yourself everyday!!
Wonderful! Noted!
I meet hin when i was 14 yrs I was married for 23 years with him we got 1 son and yes we had a beautiful marriege we was friends after all he took care of me every single day we had our lows but that didn’t separate us but yes did separate us at the end ..I never gone forget you Isaias .. he teach how a woman should be treated it .. with love and respect .
This article states exactly what we need to practice to have a happy and long-lasting relationship. The final paragraphs, including this part “Find inner peace and let go of old baggage.”, is one big pieces of really helpful and useful advice. Today, I had a quarrel with my man and it was only because of my old baggage. He was so innocent but I projected some of my worst assumptions about him. Amidst the fight, I was feeling ashamed of myself because I knew I was being unfair to him and was comparing him straightly to my ex. I didn’t tell him that I’m comparing him to my ex, but I was saying everything to him that was undue to him. My old baggage is full to the brim! And its rightful place is in the trash, not on our partners. One thing we have to understand is that our new, current partner is NOT our ex, so we should give them the grace and stop thinking that whatever our ex did, he’ll do, too. The rest is our own insecurities. And to get rid of that, we must have an open and honest conversation with him. This is one of the secrets of peaceful, happy relationships. If he’s with you in all of it, then he’s the right man. If he flakes out of the conversation, then you’ll know what to make of him.
Thank you, Matt. Your advices really help!
I make a wish for all of my dearest ladies and for my myself that may we all be blessed with such beautiful moments and chances.