If you’re tried to let go of an old relationship but can’t seem to check out emotionally, you’re not alone. As we live with a person, we start to build ties. These strong emotional bonds are very difficult to break, especially if that ex wants to stay friends. We may deceive ourselves into thinking we can be friends, or part-time lovers, or perhaps even try again when the time is right. Unfortunately, in many cases, the timing will NEVER be right. The relationship will never be right.
In cases like that, the only option is to move on. And there may be no real way to reconcile it, beyond acceptance. We always want closure, don’t we? The idea that we can move on if we can make sense of the relationship and put it behind us. The problem is that rationally speaking, we oftentimes CANNOT make sense of a relationship.
Why didn’t it work? Why were we happy in the beginning but miserable in the end? Why did he do that? What could I have done to change things…to make him happy? These are the endless questions you will ask yourself trying to rationally seek closure.
And I’m telling you now, there will never be a satisfying answer, not logically, or emotionally for that matter. Some philosophers claim that once we fall in love, we stay in love. We may fall in love with being in love. Or at the very least, we stay in love with that person for the rest of our lives, even if we have to live apart, and even if the relationship ends.
The grieving process is intense but with time, and by focusing on more positive thoughts, you can move past it. The real problem, however, may be in the aftermath of the grieving process. Specifically, where do you go now?
This can be very confusing for some women, especially if you’ve built your entire life around the idea of marrying this man who no longer wants a relationship.
What matters next is what you focus on, and what projects you undertake as the “Next Chapter” in your life. Here are three quotes that will help you, not only get over an old relationship, but plan for a better future.
1. “The most important thing that I learned in growing up is that forgiveness is something that, when you do it, you free yourself to move on.” -Tyler Perry
One of the very worst ways to “move on”, and to actually stall the grieving process, is to continue to hate your ex and blame him for ruining your life. Granted, this is very hard to do, especially if your ex was abusive or unfaithful. Emotionally, you may see him as a heartless or cruel person and that’s not easy behavior to “forgive.”
But when talk about forgiving your ex, we’re talking about a different kind of forgiveness. This isn’t the type of forgiveness that we laugh off, or offer freely, as if we’re best friends again. You may NEVER be able to talk to your ex without some animosity or uneasiness.
But are you going to continue to let this man have power over your life? No. You’re not going to give him the satisfaction. You’re not going to let him continue to hurt you or occupy your thoughts. The more you “hate” your ex, the more you hurt yourself. You suffer the consequences, the grief, the anger and the degenerative sickness of resentment.
When you hate someone you take the poison they fed you and constantly drink it and re-drink it, over and over again, reminding yourself of your mistake. It’s not a happy way to live life.
The best thing you can do is forgive him – in the sense that you’re no longer going to blame him, think about him, or continue to allow him power over your life. Forgiving
someone doesn’t mean you trust them, and it certainly does not mean you “forget” what they did to you. It simply means you are letting go of the resentment and letting YOURSELF move on from this old and toxic relationship.
2. “I chose and my world was shaken. So what? The choice may have been mistaken; the choosing was not. You have to move on.” -Stephen Sondheim
What an interesting quote…the choice may have been mistaken but the decision to choose and take action was correct. This is a healthy way to view relationships in general. No, you can’t always know what the right decision is, as far as who to date, who to marry or who to reject. What matters, however, is that you continue to make choices, stick by your choices as long as it’s healthy, and then make a decision to STOP and go in reverse when you realize your mistake.
That is, when you sense the relationship is over. So many women make the mistake of stubbornly believing in an ideal. That you can “change him”, or tolerate unhappiness for just a little while longer. Maybe it’s an issue of pride or maybe you just love him that much, that you’re willing to compromise where other women wouldn’t.
But this is the perfect example of not being able to make a decision and staying in the same rut. Whether you’re still staying with him, or becoming his friend with benefits, or still hoping that he outgrows his new girlfriend and goes back to you…you’re letting fear and emotion STOP you from making new decisions.
Remember the quote, it’s not about making the right decision every time, no one can really do that. But we can learn from our mistakes and change direction, once we figure out the problem. Having the courage to make a decision and stick to it, like moving on, and forgetting about him (which means NOT looking to get back together with him) is half the battle.
3. “There are things that we don’t want to happen but have to accept, things we don’t want to know but have to learn, and people we can’t live without but have to let go.”
This is an anonymous quote but whoever said it surely figured something out about life. Life is all about learning to accept things we don’t like. As children, as teens, and well into adulthood. It’s inevitable that things will happen that we don’t like. But the test is in how we respond to negativity. Do we let it destroy us? Do we let obstacles in life (which are 100 percent bound to occur) rob us of our happiness and ambition?
Letting go of relationships that we, literally, cannot understand or reconcile, IS the challenge. There may not always be closure and there may not always be a goodbye. You may even still love this man, against your better judgment.
And guess what? That’s fine. But what matters is that you must accept HIS decision and let him go his own way. Loving someone does sometimes mean letting go of them, if it will make you both happier in the long-run.
Accept the simplicity – that you did love and experience loss. But that now, you are a better person for it, because you learned something from that relationship. You grow in experience and knowledge, even though there was pain. By learning from your mistakes, you validate all of that emotion, positive and negative.
Nothing in life is pointless. We learn something new every day. If you can move on, then everything that has happened IS for a reason. Namely, because all of your decisions (and what you learned from the consequences) shaped you into a better and wiser woman. Be grateful that you’ve learned and move on, with the knowledge that life will only get better from here onward.
The 5 Word Phrase That Destroys a Man’s Love For You And Drives Him Out Of Your Life
There’s a simple 5 word phrase that will destroy any man’s love for you and drive him out of your life completely…
It usually comes out as an honest question when you want to connect with him…
But only serves to push him away and slowly kill your relationship from the inside out…
It can take a man who is filled with love and passion for you…
And make him feel cold, distant, and uninterested…
Have you figured out what it is yet?
Many women send this as a text message when they’re feeling insecure…
And then are confused why he suddenly pulls away and disappears completely…
Most of the women who ask it don’t even know how harmful it is…
Yet it can take a relationship that seems like it’s perfect…
A relationship where you feel loved, cared for, and like you’ve finally found “the one”…
And overnight, it can tear that relationship apart…
Leaving you confused, frustrated, and heartbroken…
If you don’t know what this simple yet seemingly innocent question is…
I want you to stop what you’re doing and go watch this video presentation that I put together for you at the link below…
Click here to watch the video now <<
My name is Matthew Coast and I’ve been teaching in the dating industry on since 2005…
I’ve helped hundreds of thousands of women, all over the world…
Get into relationships where they feel loved, seen, and cherished by the men they’re with…
When you click the link this link right here <<
I show you what this 5 word phrase is…
I’ll teach you about why men pull away, how to stop it from happening…
And how to attract the man you want…
Into a relationship where you’re loved and adored and treated like a priority…
No matter how painful things have been in your past…
You can attract a great man and have a great relationship…
Just click the link on your screen and the watch the video right now…
If you’re struggling with men pulling away from you…
If you’re tired of giving everything to a relationship and only being taken for granted…
And if you’re ready to have a man see you as a woman that he wants to be with forever…
