We’ve spent a lot of time discussing the advantages of a long-distance relationship, and even ways that online and voice communication can improve intimacy.
But hey, let’s be honest. It IS sometimes very challenging to make a long-distance relationship work, especially in light of recent pandemics and civil unrest. Or maybe you’ve met someone in another state or even another country. Whatever the case, the problems associated with LDRs are often common to all of us.
Consider the 10 most reported problems and some advice on how to address the issue.
1. Running out of conversations to talk about.
It does seem common in LDRs, to exhaust all topics and then realize you have nothing else to say to each other. Maybe you ever start to get nervous, worrying that he’ll get bored of you. But the key to addressing this issue is simply arranging time to talk and then leaving early, before you reach that point of exhaustion.
2. Over-talking to your boyfriend.
Sometimes it’s not about running out of conversations – it’s just that you’re talking too much. Sometimes a woman might feel nervous on the phone or texting and so overcompensate by trying too hard to be conversational. She ends up scaring the guy away because she seems overeager and not in control of herself. The best way to avoid this scenario is to plan your conversations, keep things simple, and try not to volunteer new information too soon.
3. Growing apart and getting bored with each other.
Sometimes couples do get bored of each other and grow apart. But usually, in these cases, their values and life goals change. Therefore, it’s not a matter of losing someone because of a mistake – more like you just didn’t see major differences that existed. The focus should be on finding a compatible match and then keeping your bond strong by communicating and sharing your feelings.
4. Neediness and the desire to instantly connect.
You probably have heard that neediness in a woman can be a turn off to a man. But with online dating and LDRs, neediness is almost a state of mind. If you feel needy then what do you do? You constantly need his attention. You can’t wait for him to hurry up and send you a new message. But it all traces back to a lack of control over one’s emotions. The desire to instantly connect has to be controlled so that the man always feels that he’s the one pushing the relationship forward. Answer messages naturally. His attention is not the center point of your life. He can wait until you can afford to make time and answer him naturally with a relaxed voice.
5. Stalling in your own personal goals or neglecting other relationships.
It’s understandable why people put other goals on the backburner during an intense relationship. You want to move forward. You get easily distracted thinking of him and fantasizing about the future. But remember that his attraction to you is partly based on your independent life. What are your personal goals? Have you been stalling lately, giving him too much attention – to the point where nothing else is getting done? Have you also been forgetting to keep contact with your friends, family, and other acquaintances? Don’t neglect other really good relationships in your life just because they’re platonic. He wants you to be busy and successful, right? Take as much me-time as you need to prioritize your life.
6. Becoming too relaxed and forgetting these are dates!
On the other hand, becoming too overconfident and losing the “romance” of the occasion can be frustrating. What if one or both of you becomes too lax and just stops dressing up, stops having fun on virtual dates, and does all sorts of grossout things on camera? That’s not just unattractive – it’s showing a lack of respect for your date. He wants to feel valued. He wants to know you dressed up for him, just as he dressed up for you. The effort you put into dating someone will characterize the entire relationship.
7. Misconstrued statements or misread emotions.
Remember that online, even if you’re talking through voice, it’s very easy to misconstrue what a guy says or implies. It’s easy to misread emotions and even to use the wrong smiley or abbreviation. Thoughts are harmless…until your boyfriend starts to think you’re upset, or cruel, or just passive. But the truth is, these might all be big misunderstandings. It’s best to talk out any suspicions even if they seem “micro” at first. If there’s any confusion or just a speck of doubt, then politely ask him what he meant. There’s nothing wrong with asking a guy to clarify something you didn’t understand. In fact, it saves relationships from letting a non-existent conflict destroy trust.
8. Failing to respond in time.
It’s one thing to fall into the trap of “too-fast replies” – but there’s also something else. The failure to respond in time, which is actually going too far and showing a lack of respect. Just because you are busy and can’t answer right away doesn’t mean you’re just trying to annoy the guy and keep him waiting for fun. Try to determine a reasonable time frame for checking and sending messages and get his agreement on your timing so that there’s no misunderstanding.
9. Possessiveness and jealousy strike!
Even though long-distance relationships usually benefit because of the time apart and greater independence, sometimes partners do become possessive and jealous of potential threats. One way to prevent these issues from arising is to talk things out and “confess” little things that your partner is probably wondering about you. There should be no secrets. Give your partner peace of mind by honestly admitting everything and jealousy will fade away.
10. Cheating on your partner.
Finally, cheating is a very real possibility in long-distance relationships. It’s natural to feel lonely or easily tempted by a new friend. But are you openly talking about your feelings with your partner? Are you coming up with practical solutions to satisfy you both? Have you discussed boundaries and compromises, if applicable? Honesty and open lines of communication can fireproof your long-distance relationship even if things get too “hot”.
As you can see, the most common problems all have a simple solution. Be practical, communicate regularly, and always show respect to your partner. Follow these guidelines and you can survive this “test” over time. Eventually, you will create a stronger relationship with each other, because you trust each other and want to put forth the effort to be a team and work together. When you can afford to be together in person, your marriage will be bliss!
Make His Heart Crave You Even If You’re Far Away
Let’s face it, most long distance relationships are hard… and most of them don’t even last 5 months.
What if the distance could actually make you feel closer together?
What if you could make him miss and crave you, even when you’re far apart?
Most women actually push a man further away in a long distance relationship when they want to make him come closer.
There’s one thing you need to do to be different… to make your relationship last… to make this situation bring you closer together… to make him value and crave you, even if he’s far apart from you.
Want to know what it is?
Click here to find out more <<
Talk soon,
Matthew Coast
P.S. If you want to make his heart crave you, no matter how far away you are from him… do this…
Hi,
I’m currently in a long distance relationship with a man in California. We met on line in January 2019.
We were due to meet each other in March 2019.
My friend is from the UK, he left the UK to live in California in 1987 and we both feel that we know each other from somewhere before he left the UK.
Due to health and financial reasons my friend has not yet been able to return to the UK. He invited me to stay with him in California in Marcb 2020, but clesrly due to Covid i was unable to go.
We have been in a long distance relationship now for 19 months, he tells me he loves me and would like to marry me, but he is also currently fighting stage 3 colon cancer for which he is currently having treatment. Plus i would give anything to be with him. He was truthful witb me about his health issues right from thd beginning, by telling me that he had gone through 3 hesrt attacks and in February of this year he had a triple heart bypass.
My reason for sending you this message is to ask you that with being in a long distance relationship for 19 months, does my relationship with my friend sound promising and positive as I really would like to think so?
We sometimes talk with each other once weekly or more, he is a truck driver and works various shifts
A man who really wants to be with you will not be satisfied only connecting/speaking with you once a week.
I met this bloke on line in July and we have been texting ever since, but the only trouble is he is in a war zone place, he keeps telling me he loves me and can not wait to come home but I am not sure want to do, He keeps saying that I am the only person that he talks to online but it is hard to trust him want do I do believe him and see how this turn out I do love him and I want to be with him when he retires next year
Hello Linda i am myself in the same situation as you, the guy i am talking to is a medical doctor in a war zone in Yemen. He tells me he loves me but he has never met me i find that odd. He is also talking to alot of other woman as i have checked his profile 90 percent of his friends online are woman so i could just be another women he is chatting up.. Until i have proof that he is genuine i will not put my heart into this, if this doctor asks for money then i know he is a scammer.. Be wise& be careful.. Anne
Dear Karin
My immediate reaction is why do you want to star ta relationship with a man who is so ill? You say you love him, but you would actually be in the role of a carer more than a lover. Do you want that? You also say that you have been in a long distance relationship for 19 months. Have you ever met? If he cant get away because of his health ( are you absolutely sure by the way that he is telling you the truth about this?) why don’t you just fly out to California for a week and meet him? It all seems very strange and unsatisfying…
This is exactly what I have one my. Mind today
So it’s good when the both respect the relationship they share with each other and if you really love him or her can work out
Agree 100%
We met and became friends first and then we fell in love we tell each other that everyday and we have known each other now for 8 months we will meet in April and we’ll see but we have talked to each other every single day for 8 months and I never get tired of his stories and he never gets tired of mine, he would have never moved from his state to come this way because he’s been there all his life but he is being forced out of his land and so is his brother and he just happened to be looking North and to the South as well now he has a better reason to relocate to the north it has helped me a lot to read your site at times because this is all new to me and him but so far so good
I’ve been in a LDR almost 4 months now! He’s from another country! We talk everyday at least 3x day! We share everything & no secrets! We plan on getting married this summer! I feel very safe with him & we both love each other deeply! We’re soul mates! One day I said GOD I don’t want to be alone & then GOD brought him into my life! The hardest part is being physically apart Its probably better this way as I’m going to stay pure until we get married!! Last weekend I went away and wasnt able to talk only text! It was torture and I will never going away again until we get married! We have a very real relationship & when issues do come up we can’t stay mad at each other! BTW I was married for 25 years & my DH died last year! We were only going out for 2 months ! This time it will be 9 months before we get married for a lifetime! (I say this because a lot of people would say it’s too soon! But we’re both mature & Def Soul Mates)
Long distance a challenge. Talking a year.
Mine got into a car accident just as he was leaving.
Still in hospital as per him.
And is constantly worried that he’s not going to make it home and now he’s having a financial problem and needs money and is bugging me to use my checking account to transfer money into. This is a big red sign for me and don’t think that I’ll ever do it and I believe that if God wants us to be together he’ll find a way for him to find his self home. Will never ever do that with a man so I really think that this long distance relationship I have had for over a year is really not going to come to terms. It’s hard to make myself think that this is truly not what it should be but I will survive.
It’s sounds like a scammer to me and they always do that “ have a car accident and asking you to send the money to help him “
So Beware!!
I did not. Send anything to him.
I told hin if he was truly a man he could work out his own financial problems. Yes I did suspect this right away about being a scammer but I threw it back in his court and said you get here if you really want to be with me.
Oh yes definitely he is the usual scam walk away
I really want this guy .. but he lives in states .. wondering if he’s interested in me ..
I am in a relationship for 5 years. Ours is a mix of LDR(3YRS)and LTR(2YRS). I don’t know how we lasted this long but I do come understand that we are in a relationship for a purpose (god’s purpose).
Our relationship is in the state, we love each other but we cannot go into marriage because of his upbringing and culture. His family will never accept a divorcee and older in age. I am hanging on because I trust and have faith in love . I have changed his bad ways as much as I can and help him grow as a person. I don’t know what will happen to our RS because of our current situation but I am leaving to god and just being obedient. I feel I am gonna be the one losing one but it’s ok if that has to be . In end I know I did my best and love him sincerely.
Please share your experiences and thoughts if you reading my story. Thank you
I started a relationship with a local man because I didn’t want a LDR. Now he’s been working 3 states away for a few months. And his phone is limited on minutes. I’m starting to get frustrated with the not communicating. And then mistrust starts to creep up.
I am also in a long distance relationship we talk and text everyday I do l9ve him so very much but in the back of my mind I have a fear of losing him even thou he tells me that won’t happen do you have any advice for me
After reading your advice I can now see I fall under a lot of these examples, time to Re-evaluate and find a good healthy balance.
I’ve been in a LDR for almost a year now, and this guy is amazing! LDR’s can be good if you know how to hold one. Just make sure you meet the guy before you marry him 😉
I am currently in a LDR. First we met in person and dated for 2 months. We continued communicating weekly. After being apart for 5 months, we dated in person for another 2 months. We want to be together, so we’re planning several trips together. I’ve been planning to move to his State before we met as I have family there.