We’ve spent a lot of time discussing the advantages of a long-distance relationship, and even ways that online and voice communication can improve intimacy.
But hey, let’s be honest. It IS sometimes very challenging to make a long-distance relationship work, especially in light of recent pandemics and civil unrest. Or maybe you’ve met someone in another state or even another country. Whatever the case, the problems associated with LDRs are often common to all of us.
Consider the 10 most reported problems and some advice on how to address the issue.
1. Running out of conversations to talk about.
It does seem common in LDRs, to exhaust all topics and then realize you have nothing else to say to each other. Maybe you ever start to get nervous, worrying that he’ll get bored of you. But the key to addressing this issue is simply arranging time to talk and then leaving early, before you reach that point of exhaustion.
2. Over-talking to your boyfriend.
Sometimes it’s not about running out of conversations – it’s just that you’re talking too much. Sometimes a woman might feel nervous on the phone or texting and so overcompensate by trying too hard to be conversational. She ends up scaring the guy away because she seems overeager and not in control of herself. The best way to avoid this scenario is to plan your conversations, keep things simple, and try not to volunteer new information too soon.
3. Growing apart and getting bored with each other.
Sometimes couples do get bored of each other and grow apart. But usually, in these cases, their values and life goals change. Therefore, it’s not a matter of losing someone because of a mistake – more like you just didn’t see major differences that existed. The focus should be on finding a compatible match and then keeping your bond strong by communicating and sharing your feelings.
4. Neediness and the desire to instantly connect.
You probably have heard that neediness in a woman can be a turn off to a man. But with online dating and LDRs, neediness is almost a state of mind. If you feel needy then what do you do? You constantly need his attention. You can’t wait for him to hurry up and send you a new message. But it all traces back to a lack of control over one’s emotions. The desire to instantly connect has to be controlled so that the man always feels that he’s the one pushing the relationship forward. Answer messages naturally. His attention is not the center point of your life. He can wait until you can afford to make time and answer him naturally with a relaxed voice.
5. Stalling in your own personal goals or neglecting other relationships.
It’s understandable why people put other goals on the backburner during an intense relationship. You want to move forward. You get easily distracted thinking of him and fantasizing about the future. But remember that his attraction to you is partly based on your independent life. What are your personal goals? Have you been stalling lately, giving him too much attention – to the point where nothing else is getting done? Have you also been forgetting to keep contact with your friends, family, and other acquaintances? Don’t neglect other really good relationships in your life just because they’re platonic. He wants you to be busy and successful, right? Take as much me-time as you need to prioritize your life.
6. Becoming too relaxed and forgetting these are dates!
On the other hand, becoming too overconfident and losing the “romance” of the occasion can be frustrating. What if one or both of you becomes too lax and just stops dressing up, stops having fun on virtual dates, and does all sorts of grossout things on camera? That’s not just unattractive – it’s showing a lack of respect for your date. He wants to feel valued. He wants to know you dressed up for him, just as he dressed up for you. The effort you put into dating someone will characterize the entire relationship.
7. Misconstrued statements or misread emotions.
Remember that online, even if you’re talking through voice, it’s very easy to misconstrue what a guy says or implies. It’s easy to misread emotions and even to use the wrong smiley or abbreviation. Thoughts are harmless…until your boyfriend starts to think you’re upset, or cruel, or just passive. But the truth is, these might all be big misunderstandings. It’s best to talk out any suspicions even if they seem “micro” at first. If there’s any confusion or just a speck of doubt, then politely ask him what he meant. There’s nothing wrong with asking a guy to clarify something you didn’t understand. In fact, it saves relationships from letting a non-existent conflict destroy trust.
8. Failing to respond in time.
It’s one thing to fall into the trap of “too-fast replies” – but there’s also something else. The failure to respond in time, which is actually going too far and showing a lack of respect. Just because you are busy and can’t answer right away doesn’t mean you’re just trying to annoy the guy and keep him waiting for fun. Try to determine a reasonable time frame for checking and sending messages and get his agreement on your timing so that there’s no misunderstanding.
9. Possessiveness and jealousy strike!
Even though long-distance relationships usually benefit because of the time apart and greater independence, sometimes partners do become possessive and jealous of potential threats. One way to prevent these issues from arising is to talk things out and “confess” little things that your partner is probably wondering about you. There should be no secrets. Give your partner peace of mind by honestly admitting everything and jealousy will fade away.
10. Cheating on your partner.
Finally, cheating is a very real possibility in long-distance relationships. It’s natural to feel lonely or easily tempted by a new friend. But are you openly talking about your feelings with your partner? Are you coming up with practical solutions to satisfy you both? Have you discussed boundaries and compromises, if applicable? Honesty and open lines of communication can fireproof your long-distance relationship even if things get too “hot”.
As you can see, the most common problems all have a simple solution. Be practical, communicate regularly, and always show respect to your partner. Follow these guidelines and you can survive this “test” over time. Eventually, you will create a stronger relationship with each other, because you trust each other and want to put forth the effort to be a team and work together. When you can afford to be together in person, your marriage will be bliss!
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