I’ve often heard that in dating, people have to work against their instincts. In other words, all of our instincts are off-base and are bound to have the reverse effect than intended. I think this might be true, at least in some cases.
Usually, this is true in cases of subconscious resistance. When a person isn’t entirely sure of what he or she wants, they might act in ways that sabotage their own goals. For instance, the guy who wrestles with subconscious guilt, and this, in turn, affects his dating behavior. Or, the woman who has issues with her past, her father, her exes, and so on. She wants to find someone to love, but she keeps chasing after the wrong type of guy.
In that respect, we can think of a lot of things not to text a man. Stuff that you know you shouldn’t say, and stuff that’s going to cause a lot of problems. For example, texting way too much. Or pressuring him into commitment. Or freaking out and giving him lots of drama. Obvious, right?
But then, there’s also the category of miscommunication. We say something, usually by instinct, but we don’t realize why it’s a loaded statement. Or, why it conveys something that might not be true. In this case, your instincts are probably misleading to you. Rather than say what comes naturally – which might be a mistake – the best thing to do is to think about your reply before you type or speak it. Put some thought into your next question or statement, and then answer.
Oh yes and one more thing – read some of the WORST ideas of what not to text a man, so that you can ban them from your own thoughts! Learn from the mistakes of other women and improve your communication skills through text.
Consider ten examples of things women seem to text a lot to a guy they like, that’s just not a good idea. We’re going to list some sample (bad) messages and then explain why messages like this might be a dealbreaker.
1. “I’m bored. Entertain me.”
While this is an old cliche that might work with a guy that really likes you, it’s a big mistake for a guy who is just getting to know you. Telling the guy to “do all the work” and entertain you, is essentially saying two things. First, “I don’t want to put any effort forth. This is all your privilege.” And second, “I’m kind of boring. Maybe you can be interesting for the both of us.” These are not impressions that you want to make. If you can’t think of anything to say at that moment, then say goodnight and think about tomorrow’s text.
2. “Once upon a time, and a very good time it was, there lived a…”
In other words, don’t write a giant letter or share a huge story by text. It’s too annoying for him to read all the way through. Besides, it’s much more effective to either write an email (or snail mail letter) or chat via phone or webcam. Trying to cram too much information into a small text app is just a chore.
3. “Oh. My. God. Becky. Look. At. Her. Butt.”
Well, great lyrics aside, the point here is that no guy likes it when you break up sentence texts into ten individual texts with just one word. We get that it’s quirky and unexpected, but most guys just don’t want their phone to vibrate repeatedly for just one message. For the best results, just use or 2-3 messages total (with full sentences) to get the point across.
4. “OK whatever.”
Pouting or any passive-aggressive statements never work, at least not on a guy that’s doesn’t know you that well. These statements create stress or at least negative associations in his mind. You’re punishing him for his behavior rather than rewarding him and encouraging him to text more.
5. “Do you still like me?”
Just as damaging as passive statements, these “validation” statements make women seem weak. He might get the feeling you’re desperate to get married or have low self-esteem. He will pity you and he might be nice…but he will lose part of his attraction to you, as well.
6. “So should I tell people we’re getting engaged?”
Trying to push him to talk about the relationship and get some kind of commitment (even if it’s just very minor, like a one month anniversary or something) is a bad idea. The guy should always be the one to suggest commitment. When it comes from you, it feels too much like manipulation. But you want it to be his idea so he will feel the attachment!
7. “I see you checked into Taco Casa. How are the burritos you said you didn’t eat anymore? Since I know that you ordered one.”
Funny, right? But hey, “stalker texts” are actually not funny when a guy reads them. They’re kind of creepy and again, a little too passive-aggressive. If you must stalk him on social media, then don’t brag to him about what you find. Keep it to yourself, but use that information to get to know him and understand what he likes. Become a better girlfriend with that intel, not a stalker!
8. “I don’t think this is working, you know, with you and me.”
Don’t break up with a guy over text. Don’t pretend to break up with him just to get his attention. Unless, of course, you don’t like the guy, don’t respect him, kind of hate him, and never want to hear from him again…and in that case, just break up with him by text!
9. “I think I’m falling in love with you a little more day by day. Do you love me?”
Don’t ever say I love you first…and if you must, please, don’t ever do it by text. This is a conversation he wants to initiate with you you, preferably in person where you can look into each other’s eyes and feel the moment.
10. “If you think Anime is better than Nickelodeon then I don’t even know why I’m in this relationship.”
This is just a way of saying, “Don’t talk about controversial topics via text.
“Sure, you’re eventually going to disagree about religion, politics, culture, and the like.” And maybe there will be a dealbreaker at some point. But this is not the right avenue for anything controversial.
Now that you have some idea of what not to text, it’s time to start thinking about what thoughts and feelings you want to convey. Believe it or not, that’s more important than just coming up with clever texts. If you focus on the WHY (as in why are we chatting, what do I want from this?) things are going to go a lot smoother than just improvising and chatting about nonsense.
Believe me, once you start creating attraction through texting, he’ll be much happier too!
Text him this to trigger his desire to chase you…
Did you know that you can trigger a man’s hormones through your text messages?
It’s true. How you communicate with a man can actually release different hormones in his body.
One of the most important ones is testosterone because that’s what makes him CHASE you, pursue you, and invest in you so that he gets “hooked” and desires something more with you.
Want to trigger this in your man?
Talk soon,
Matthew Coast
P.S. You can actually trigger a “cocktail of emotions” inside a man that make him feel like he can’t get you out of his mind and even feel addicted to you, if you text him a certain way.
