How to Have the Valentine’s Day You’ve Been Fantasizing About

Valentine’s Day is about the romance…and yet we live in an age where romance is on television, in movies, or in sharable Facebook posts. But where is the romance in our real lives? Romance is a Valentine’s Day card. Romance is a once in a lifetime wedding proposal. Many of us have lost that feeling of spontaneous romance, even though they still fantasize about it.

Maybe the problem is that you’re both married or living together. What romance can there be when you’re in such close proximity all the time?

For starters, let’s decide to do the opposite this year. This year a card isn’t good enough, a meal out isn’t enough. This year, we’re going to do Valentine’s Day right. Here are a five tips on how to make your real life Valentine’s Day celebration as romantic as your hottest fantasies.

1. Decide as a couple to go somewhere else, besides a boring restaurant and besides your usual dining room / living room.

Do something new for dinner at home, or go somewhere that gives you a brand new experience to remember.

You won’t really remember the meal unless it’s something completely different from your normal routine, or if it’s OK food in a fantastic setting. Go for memories, not flavor. Cooking a meal together (or even arranging for a cooking class) will be memorable. Dining under the stars in a planetarium or eating in a fine restaurant where a piano player will play your favorite song. If you’re feeling extra bold (and if you’ve saved enough throughout the year), arrange to go scuba diving or on a cruise and take plenty of pictures. If you’re traveling, revisit some favorite places of the past that you used to go to as kids and discuss how it feels to take a trip down memory lane.

If you can’t afford to travel somewhere then spend a little time decorating your dining room. Have a candlelit dinner and let the both of you feel like you’re someplace new. If you’re staying home, go all out to decorate. Think outside the box—think island vacation, or classic Hollywood, or Sultry Red if that’s what gets your partner into it. Have some fun with the idea. Hire a chef to make specialty foods or hire a singing valentine or even a band to serenade the both of you. Hire a limo driver to take you out. Take videos and photos of the occasion and share them so that you can look back on this special day and smile. If the idea of spending hours decorating your own house saps the romance out of it, consider paying someone to do it for you so that you AND your husband can both come home and relax.

Make sure the kids are visiting their friends and you have the house all to yourself. While it’s always great to have a man that is naturally romantic and will throw you a surprise party, just waiting on him to do it (and resenting him when he doesn’t) is only going to put you both in a bad mood. Make it clear to him that this year, you really want to get away from the routine and enjoy a vacation.

Don’t lecture your partner telling him this is “romance” and this is what he ought to be doing. If that happens, he’ll feel like a kid being dragged to math class. Instead, paint him a pretty picture: this is a chance for the both of you to get away, without worrying about responsibility or extra chores. He will be on board!

2. Before the date actually begins have an agreement that you’re both going to show up at each other’s workplace and present your mystery gifts in super-romantic fashion.

Don’t worry, even though you know it’s coming, it’s going to feel amazing to be surprised with a mystery gift while your co-workers look on in amazement—kind of like the end of An Officer and a Gentleman. He’ll get to look the part of Hero and will enjoy making you feel loved again. You can do the same for him and make everyone around you feel inspired!

Now, to play it safe I recommend talking to your spouse about a “wish list” or types of gifts that you really need, want or like. (As in “I love rings”, or “I love music boxes”, etc.) Don’t give your man free reign to buy anything he wants for you because that could end disastrously. Discussing your preferences beforehand is not only okay in this modern age, he will probably greatly appreciate the hint.

Bonus points if you both handwrite a little love note extolling the positive qualities of your beloved. Don’t get a greeting card. Make this evening personal.

3. Dress up as if you’ve been invited to the Oscars and you’re going to be walking down the red carpet, smiling at photographers. (And why not have a red carpet? After all, it is Valentine’s Day!)

It’s very important to dress formally and accentuate the attractive features that you both initially liked about each other. Dressing and taking pictures of your best side will also give you something to hold onto—a picture frame, an album, something that immortalizes this night. When you see the picture years from now, you will remember what you were feeling and thinking. What’s the best way to motivate your partner to be romantic from the heart? To look like the woman he was first attracted to—the one who got dolled up when she went out, craving attention from men.

4. Don’t recite clichés. Talk from the heart!

What was romance back in the day? Was it reciting Shakespeare? No, it started as a simple conversation. Couples today rarely talk about what’s interesting and instead hyper-focus on “what must be done.” Get reacquainted with your partner outside of marriage and spend some time discussing deep conversations, which allow him to express his true feelings. This will help you bring the romantic man that’s hidden deep inside his exhausted layers. Focus on the positives about your relationships and why you’re still in love with each other after all these years.

Be playful and let him “chase” you a little bit, as you’ve learned by now, since this dynamic always makes flirting more fun. Be expressive, but let him lead the dialog. If he’s ogling your dress, use this dynamic to “run away” from his amorous desires in conversation. Get him all excited to chase you. Let him feel naughty so that you can react loudly to the genuine effort he puts forth to charm the pants off of you.

5. Resolve to stay “this way” all night and then sleep in the next morning, still lost in each other’s eyes.

The kids are away, cell phones are off, social media is banned. Make love vigorously the night before and wake up for a peaceful breakfast in bed. There’s no rush to be anywhere or get your usual routine started. The next morning should be part of the romantic getaway. This completes the experience and makes it feel new.

Regardless of whether you’re going on an exotic vacation or doing a budget one and a half day weekend at home, the principles are the same. Make this night about the two of you having fun, the way you used to do before responsibility took you away from the fantasy.

But speaking of sex, there’s a lot more to say about Valentine’s Day sex. And that’s going to be the subject of our next article, “Can You Have the Most Passionate Valentine’s Day of Your Life?”

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Talk soon,

Matthew Coast

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Matthew Coast

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