How to Find a Husband

In previous articles, we talked about putting on the right “attitude” when you’re serious about dating and finding The One. But now we’re going to do a little bit of a shift.

Marriage—it’s not just about love.

What? Did you read that right? How is marriage not about love? Isn’t the whole point of dating to find Mr. Right and then get married, have children and live happily ever after?

Ideally yes and when we’re young this is how the future looks. But along the way, many of us discover that life doesn’t always work out the way it should. Or shall we say, the way we imagined it would.

You know a friend of mine and I were talking a few months back and she mentioned her ex-husband in passing. I asked her how she felt about him, wondering of course if she was still fixated on him like she had been after they broke up. But this is what she told me:

“Of course I’ll always love him. But I just can’t live with him. I’m moved on.”

I thought that was a powerful statement. Sometimes we discover, through very painful trial and error, that there are some people we love, but who slowly destroy us. And in the end, that’s not the kind of marriage you want. That’s not the kind of family you want to build. That’s not how you want to spend the rest of your life.

You want someone that you can fall in love with, and who’s also good to you and good for you. Someone who brings out the best in you.

What we’re going to talk about now is how to find a husband and how to create a healthy coupling that progresses to marriage—as opposed to wasting years of your life trying to fix a toxic relationship.

Here are four steps to follow.

1. Don’t limit yourself to just immediate friends, friends of friends and familiar acquaintances.

I think a single woman should try to meet a variety of people rather than sticking to a familiar dating routine. If you go to the same places and meet the same type of guys every time, you will never learn, you will never challenge yourself. It’s not just a matter of “getting out” but also trying new things, meeting different people and getting outside of your comfort zone.

This will help you to learn more about what you want and don’t want. The more eligible guys you have to choose from, the better. Complication is good because it helps you determine how you really feel and what you need to be happy.

It’s also important to get outside of your comfort zone and start opening your mind to new possibilities, rather than following the same dating patterns that have never worked. Instantly disqualifying a guy because he’s not like your ex, or not an amazing physical specimen with a Tony Stark-like presence, is limiting yourself to only half the selection of suitable bachelors. How will you know who is really “the one” if you’ve only met a handful of men who all share the same bad boy characteristics?

Challenge yourself to go deeper and ask, “What kind of life will this man provide for me?”

Speaking of which…

2. Make a list, check it twice, find out who’s naughty and nice!

Go full Santa and start making a list of your most important “desired qualities” in a man. While it’s important to open your mind to new relationships, it’s just as important to make a list of requirements and expectations that you have. This is your shield, what prevents you from getting involved with the wrong guy or sleeping with all sorts of jerks who don’t deserve you. Determine your desired qualities and traits in advance of starting a new intimate relationship.

Once you find out what you need, emotionally, physically and intellectually, stick with it! This is not a list of perfection or a fantasy lover, but a list of qualities that will make you happy. This is the type of man you need to have a happy marriage. When you’re with a good man, it keeps the relationship balanced, it makes marriage much easier. Being able to evaluate a man objectively, seeing his good qualities as well as his serious character flaws, is a protection for you.

3. Work on projecting confidence. Don’t try to impress him…just be a better version of yourself.

Once you find the husband-material guy you’ve been waiting for, how do you come on strong without, you know, chasing him away? While most girls will nervously chatter their way through a conversation or show very intense signs of extreme interest (yikes!), the best way to actually impress him is to project confidence and let him SENSE how amazing you are.

A man doesn’t want to know everything about you or be seduced right there at the party. He wants to talk briefly, make eye contact and be intrigued by you. This is the best way to captivate his attention. Look good, flirt superficially (nothing too outrageous) and let him feel a mysterious connection. Once you master this ability to appear confident—indeed, that you don’t need him but still find him interesting—he will want to learn everything about you.

4. Maintain your independence, while letting him keep his.

This is indeed the final test of a relationship as it approaches engagement and marriage. Can you be independent, while allowing him to keep his own independent streak? Too many smart women fail this test because they either want to control him, to “fix him”, as it were, or they want to live off him and sacrifice that attractive independence. Wrong move, either way.

The answer is that simple: you both should be able to live independently but still find joy in each other’s company. In a successful marriage, both partners have to be strong and able to take care of themselves as individuals. There may be periods where you both want independence and want to do your own thing and that’s fine! When one of you is feeling down, the other can build them up. You take turns helping each other and your strong independence as two successful individuals makes the marriage solid.

A partnership in which both partners are falling to pieces and “need” each other just to survive is on borrowed time. Fix yourself first and then be surprised how easy it is to meet someone, feel a connection, fall in love and get married. Most surprising of all, you will find it easy to stay married because you really do love and respect your partner! You find peace in each other. Minimal conflict. Why would you want to walk away from such a good time?

But on the subject, let’s say your current relationship is balanced and you have a mostly peaceful live-in relationship. How do you know if he’s the one…or if someone better might come along?

We’ll discuss this in the article “Is It Love? Here Are the Signs”.

40 Flirty Texts That Men Absolutely Love

If you’re struggling to figure out what to say to your man to bring you closer together, I’ve put together a guide of 40 fun and flirty text messages that will spark a stronger and deeper desire in whatever man you use them with.

If you don’t know what to say to your man, use these “cut and paste” text messages from my free guide and watch how much he absolutely loves it!

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About The Author

Matthew Coast

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