9 Signs of a Narcissistic Partner

Here’s one thing I’ve observed about narcissism in the modern age.  The word is definitely over-used.

Narcissistic actors, narcissistic politicians on Instagram, and yes, of course your narcissistic ex-boyfriend or ex-friend who were always so self-involved.

Yes, it’s unpleasant to be friends or lovers with a man who is always self-absorbed.  But be that as it may, there’s still a difference between narcissistic tendencies and full blown narcissistic personality disorder (NPD).  

Egotistical men are annoying.  But narcissistic men are almost impossible to live with in the long-term, which explains why a lot of dating coaches, therapists and doctors will advise you to stay clear.

Narcissists are not just vain – a lot of people are vain.  They are obsessed with their own lives, thoughts and success.  This grandiose-level of obsession doesn’t leave them any empathy for you.  And that’s what is frustrating.

Here are nine signs that the guy you’re dating might be “suffering” from NPD.  Or to put it another way, making you suffer from it!

1. He has a strong sense of superiority about himself.  This eradicates boundaries on what he can get away with.

This is why a narcissist is oftentimes an emotional abuser, a cheater, a liar, and so on.  He enjoys pushing boundaries. Or at the very least, he feels the rules don’t apply to him. He is always the exception to the rule.  

2. All of your interactions with him constantly feed his ego.

Whether he’s being charming, kind or even abusive and bullying, the result is the same.  He gets what he wants. He dominates the conversation and the relationship. It’s never 50/50 it’s all about pleasing him.  

The problem is, NPD is difficult to spot, since narcissists survive by being charming, spontaneous, deceptive and making it appear as if they’re perfect for you.

3. Beware the gaslighting.  

One reason a narcissist is difficult to live with – and why his behavior can sometimes be spotted – is that he is incapable of humbling himself or admitting he was wrong.  Narcissists will “gaslight” you into making you agree with them. They will do practically anything to get their way, whether it’s smothering you with kindness, or bullying you, or even making you think you’re crazy.  Rather than admit his lie, a narcissist will toy with your perception of events and convince you that you’re the one who’s suffering from distorted reality.

4. Beware the love bombing.

A narcissist’s best weapon is love bombing – and he usually targets women with low self-esteem, who don’t think it’s strange that he seems so perfect.  Love bombing means he falls in love with you quickly, escalating sex and emotional connection. The problem is that he quickly loses interest after he gets what he wants.  

Now the relationship is built on false promises.  You’re used to that level of love that the narcissist first showed, but by now he’s bored and is moving on to something else, no longer able to give you that emotional connection.

5. His reputation means everything to him.

He is far more concerned about how things look, and how things reflect on him to others, than he is concerned about your feelings.  The narcissist is motivated by the desire to be loved by everyone. This explains his abusive behavior when he feels threatened. He will “punish” you until you love him again.

6. A narcissist feels emotions differently.  

He regards your emotions as confusing and overly sentimental.  But of course, what he feels is the center of the universe.

Some studies have suggested narcissists feel emotions on a shallow level, which explains why he considers being honest and staying humble a weakness.  Most narcissists seek to be immediately loved by everyone they meet. They “seduce” everyone, always, hoping to develop a stellar reputation.

7. He has a long list of broken and bitter relationships…that’s never his fault.

This is one of the most telling ways to identify a narcissist…or frankly, any man with a serious personality disorder.  Narcissists usually never admit when they’ve made a mistake, unless it can immediately benefit them somehow.

That means when a man complains of his psycho ex, or shallow ex, or anything about his ex that wronged him…yeah it’s usually his delusional behavior.

Most relationships fail because of incompatibility and the flaws of both partners.  When one person is a perpetual “victim” in every relationship, and never seems to take responsibility for their part in it, this suggests he is emotionally immature.  Very likely “grandiose” and narcissistic. Rest assured, when the relationship goes south you’ll be yet another Evil Ex that he tells his next conquest about, in hopes of quickly gaining sympathy.

8. He doesn’t have friends as much as he has “minions”.

Yeah, seriously, his friends are more like “followers” who worship and idolize him!  Like those little yellow minions from Despicable Me.  They go along with anything he says, believing the relationship is of great benefit to them.  Meanwhile, the narcissist uses his friends to feed his ego or use their resources. In other words, these are not real give and take friendships built on mutual respect.  In fact, narcissists will usually get rid of friends that challenge or criticize him.

9. He thinks everyone loves him…or is insanely jealous of him.

There’s no in between.  Narcissists go out of their way to be LOVED immediately and if they’re not, it’s always because that other person is jealous or spiteful.  He simply can’t comprehend that some people just recognize his bad behavior and call him out on it. That’s when he will disregard your feelings and opinions.  Don’t toy with him…if you sense he is a bad seed, just cut him out. Playing mind games with him will start a war and things will get ugly.

Now that you’ve studied the “closet narcissist” you’re more equipped to spot his bad behaviors.  Remember that a lot of guys are self-absorbed at first…but they will eventually be interested in you when you start to bond.  Narcissists will always stay the same and will rarely – if ever – change. This is as good as it gets and for most women, that’s unbearable!

About The Author

Matthew Coast

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