Do you have one of those annoying “stuffy, formal friend” relationships? Annoying in the sense that you REALLY like this guy, and yet can’t seem to get him talking?
Maybe you share a laugh sometimes through email or DM. Maybe he even sends you a smiley face or two. Maybe you even met on a dating app but for some reason he doesn’t seem to be making small talk with you.
But that seems to be where the friendship seems to have stalled. You don’t want to seem too forward and ask him out. And he seems to be too distracted to ask you out.
Are you already deep in his friend zone chamber? Or is there something you can do to liven things up? (You know, without actually seeming too desperate for his attention)
YES, there is something you can do. And it’s as simple as asking a few questions.
You’re on the right track thinking that these questions should be open-ended and not of the simple yes or no variety. But hey…what do cool people actually talk about? Here are six questions to ask that always seem to start a good conversation.
1. “Hey what’s with this on your profile?”
Choose one unusual thing about his profile and get more details on it. Choose the one thing that you like the most and use that as a springboard for a conversation. Maybe he said something unusual. So quote him and get him to explain himself. This usually works because guys take time creating their wordy profiles and are glad to steer the conversation towards their awesome life and perspective.
If nothing sticks out on the text side of things, choose an interesting photo he posted to talk about. Ask the who/what/where/when/how line of questioning. Such as where was that photo taken? What was he drinking in that one picture? This is a very safe conversation and yet it’s one that will help him feel more comfortable to discuss other subjects later on.
2. “Hey, that’s a cool shirt! What’s the story behind it?”
Compliment him with something original. People spend too much time talking about the most peripheral of all things. Good looks, big muscles, money and career, and so on. For a change, why not compliment him on something out of the ordinary? Does he wear something interesting and edgy? Did he recently share something on Facebook that he cared about? Does he take good photos with his friends or family? These are the compliments that will catch him off guard and not get the auto-reflex of “Thx”. He may actually build on that conversation, if you choose the right compliment. Guys love getting compliments for things they actually DO.
3. “That’s a kickass car. A Classic! Did I read that you built that?”
Ask about their hobbies! While work might be a downer of a conversation, people usually take pride in their hobbies. Does your crush frequently post works of art, personal projects, restored items, music or even pictures of his pet? Ask him about that! Get him talking about something he LOVES, not tolerates. Something he actually enjoys talking about, as opposed to awkward dating conversation. Your goal is being a good conversationalist is not to get the right answers, but to get the right attitude from him! Make him excited to chat with you!
4. “I was watching (recent movie)…it was pretty cool. I won’t give you spoilers in case you haven’t seen it. Seen any good flicks lately?”
Asking about the latest movie, book or song is another safe topic that can lead to a good conversation. The reason why this is a good subject is because it’s not overly personal or invasive. Some women make the mistake of asking personal questions WITHOUT first really bonding with the guy. When these questions come out of nowhere or are wanting too much personal detail, the guy puts up a shield.
That’s why something like “What are you watching, reading, listening to?” is a good topic. It allows him to build rapport with you, reveal something of himself, and yet not actually discuss anything too personal or painful. Ideally, the goal is to get him comfortable in talking to you so that he will take the lead in starting a deeper conversation.
So avoid sending lists of questions, or intruding into his personal space (yes, even online) when he’s barely nibbling at simple questions. Keeping up with the news, or even with entertainment, lets the both of you tread lightly until you feel comfortable enough to discuss deeper things.
5. “What are you looking for in a relationship?”
This is a bit of a drastic conversation starter, because it may make or break the emotional connection you have. It’s a very honest thing to say and honesty seems to provoke more honesty. Your partner may say, “Nothing serious” or may say “A long-term relationship.” Or maybe he’ll be confused and reply that he’s not sure what he wants.
Of course, the brilliance of this question is that he’s now chatting—and probably chatting a good while, since you’ve basically told him to admit what he is and what he wants out of life. Edgy, right? Call it a loaded question. It works even better if he seems to avoid talking to you in general. Asking this question reminds him, “Why did you like my profile in the first place if you’re not talking?”
Just be prepared for the possible fallout. He may say something you don’t like. If that happens, be prepared to end the conversation permanently. Don’t “need him”, don’t seek his approval. In fact, having the guts to walk away may even challenge him to keep YOU talking and to avoid losing your interest.
6. So what does an ideal Saturday look like for a guy like you?
This is a seemingly innocent question that accomplishes two tasks. It gets him to describe his daily life and the things he does on his day off. It also opens up the opportunity for him to ask you out or at least attend an event together.
When in doubt just ask him what’s going on in the present rather than talking too much about the past (depressing!) and too much about the future (presumptuous!).
If anything, the goal of starting an online chat should be to build trust so that he can look forward to weekly and eventually daily conversations. Deep conversations will come later. For now, focus on getting him to type and look forward to your chats!
The biggest problem with online dating (and how to find your dream man)
If you’ve been unsuccessful with online dating then here’s something you need to hear…
The biggest problem with online dating isn’t your profile pics, what you say, or even your messages…
The biggest problem with online dating is this:
The bad men you have to weed through in order to get to a good guy!
There are actually 7 types of men that you want to avoid online.
If you want to know what those types of men are, how to recognize them, and how to avoid them so that you can attract the RIGHT man for you…
Talk soon,
Matthew Coast
P.S. You CAN find a great guy online… you just need to weed through the “losers” in order to get to him.
If you want to know the secret to attracting your great guy online, click the link below…
