Is there a difference between a man “being in love with you” and simply “being in love with being in love?” This is one of the most dangerous red flags in dating and yet it’s not very easy to identify, unfortunately.
If you’re with an abusive man, or a narcissist, well the signs are always there. All it takes is a little bit of objectivity, some emotional honesty, to realize how he treats you. But with this other condition, call it “love addiction”, it’s far more difficult to see early the early signs.
Love addiction means just that – addicted to love, in love with being in love. That means that the guy who seems perfect at first is not actually falling in love with you as a unique individual, nor is he approaching the relationship honestly.
Worst of all, HE may not even realize what’s happening!
Now in hindsight, after the breakup, it’s fairly easy to see what went wrong. He makes a pattern of moving from relationship to relationship, always chasing love, but never quite finding it. And of course, he hurts people when he does this. No wonder he develops a reputation as a player – a lover of women and yet one who can’t seem to commit his heart.
Psychology Today actually wrote about this topic, suggesting that love addicts tended to be people suffering from low self-esteem, inconsistent parental nurturing, and an absence of positive role models. They may even chase after some fictitious form of love, thinking of the romance they see in movies, books or TV shows as something real. They’re obviously disappointed when they find someone in the “real world” who falls short of their ideal of perfection.
So I’ve decided for this discussion to compare this “love addiction” to real love. How do you know the difference between a man who loves YOU and a man who just wants to feel love with anyone?
Signs He Loves You Deeply
Here are four sure signs that he loves you in the real world, something far beyond a “feeling.”
1. He frequently puts your comfort and happiness above his own.
A man who really loves you will always be compassionate about your feelings and needs. He works hard to support you physically, materially and emotionally. His happiness is your happiness. The joy he gets from creating this bond and this family unit is one of his driving motivations.
In contrast, a man who is always in love with “whoever”, inevitably finds a reason to fall out of love. He always puts his happiness first. He quickly finds issues and complaints in the relationship, always noticing ways you’re falling short of his perfect ideal. He may say loving things but his words are always BIG and his actions disappointing. He will keep looking, yearning, for something that he will never find (until he snaps out of this delusion).
2. He’s always proud of you because your victory is his victory.
He is not only proud to be seen with you, and proud of the relationship (no problem introducing you to his family and friends) but he also supports your goals and ambitions. He wants you to be happy and to reach your full potential.
In contrast, a guy that is commitment phobic or too idealistic tends to find fault with your achievements. Or he seems resentful at your success. Or maybe he seems irritated with your achievements, thinking you should be doing better and fulfilling his expectations more than you are. Real love is ALWAYS supportive. Your true love will always believe in you.
3. He never loses interest in spending time with you.
When a man is in love he will spend every waking moment with you, even if it’s by texting, social media or phone. He craves your company, your conversation, your voice and your touch. But a man who truly loves you will never tire of you. Instead, you become his daily routine, his safe place, his mate that he cherishes.
For a man who doesn’t know how to love, over time, it becomes clear that sex (or the “oxytocin” loving feeling of sex!) is all that drives him. He may even start exhibiting this behavior early in the relationship, flirting heavily, wanting sex, and sort of fast-forwarding into a close relationship based on strong chemistry – but without actually getting to know you. He says he loves you, but how much time has he actually spent learning about you? Is it really your personality that he loves or is it just physical beauty, status or the idea of you that he finds so appealing?
4. Deep down, he doesn’t care about appearances.
Love is not about looks or appearances – love is about the heart! If you truly love someone, that person’s appearance is less important to you than the emotional connection. A man who loves you doesn’t just admire your beauty. He wants to grow old with you, he loves you regardless of whether you’re on two feet or in a wheelchair. He loves you even if you put on a few extra pounds or if you’re in bad health. A man who loves you dearly wants you in whatever form he can have you, regardless of outward changes. It’s all about compatibility and loyalty for him.
But the guy who’s not really “in love” will freak out over any peripheral change. It shatters his perfect worldview and makes him reevaluate the whole relationship. His expectations of what you “should” be are more important than his appreciation of who you actually are.
That’s the key. Spend more time in the dating phase and develop a deeper relationship based on mutual respect, compatibility, and true appreciation for each other. There’s no need to rush into a commitment if you can tell he’s not ready. If you notice any red flags that might suggest “love addiction”, don’t make excuses for him.
Be patient and observant. Make him work for your commitment, make him prove his love by showing more effort in chasing you. When I say this, it’s not suggesting that you play games with him. This is actually a way to test him, to see if his love and commitment is real. If he really loves you he will go the distance and prove himself worthy of you – that’s the kind of wonderful man he is!
The good news is, once you do find this real love, it will last a lifetime! Those are the real signs that he loves you deeply.
The 5 Word Phrase That Destroys a Man’s Love For You And Drives Him Out Of Your Life
There’s a simple 5 word phrase that will destroy any man’s love for you and drive him out of your life completely…
It usually comes out as an honest question when you want to connect with him…
But only serves to push him away and slowly kill your relationship from the inside out…
It can take a man who is filled with love and passion for you…
And make him feel cold, distant, and uninterested…
Have you figured out what it is yet?
Many women send this as a text message when they’re feeling insecure…
And then are confused why he suddenly pulls away and disappears completely…
Most of the women who ask it don’t even know how harmful it is…
Yet it can take a relationship that seems like it’s perfect…
A relationship where you feel loved, cared for, and like you’ve finally found “the one”…
And overnight, it can tear that relationship apart…
Leaving you confused, frustrated, and heartbroken…
If you don’t know what this simple yet seemingly innocent question is…
I want you to stop what you’re doing and go watch this video presentation that I put together for you at the link below…
Click here to watch the video now <<
My name is Matthew Coast and I’ve been teaching in the dating industry on since 2005…
I’ve helped hundreds of thousands of women, all over the world…
Get into relationships where they feel loved, seen, and cherished by the men they’re with…
When you click the link this link right here <<
I show you what this 5 word phrase is…
I’ll teach you about why men pull away, how to stop it from happening…
And how to attract the man you want…
Into a relationship where you’re loved and adored and treated like a priority…
No matter how painful things have been in your past…
You can attract a great man and have a great relationship…
Just click the link on your screen and the watch the video right now…
If you’re struggling with men pulling away from you…
If you’re tired of giving everything to a relationship and only being taken for granted…
And if you’re ready to have a man see you as a woman that he wants to be with forever…
