How to Make Your Ex Chase You (Win Him Back With This)

“Only know you’ve been high when you’re feeling low
Only hate the road when you’re missing home
Only know you love her when you let her go
And you let her go”

This might very well be the song all men love and emotionally respond to, since it’s about THEM. It’s really about all humankind, but men in particular since they seem to enjoy the “chase”.

We really only appreciate something when we lose it. It’s not necessarily because we take it for granted. It’s just that having too much of this precious thing makes us forget how beautiful it really is on a day-to-day basis. When we lose that precious something, we miss it deeply. We want it back and yet we know we can’t have it back.

That’s what creates the melancholy, the sad realization that life is short and that we should appreciate what we have when we have it.

Just think of how disappointed and heartbroken your ex would be if he were to realize that he loved you…just as you left and found happiness with someone else. Then, he would realize his mistake. Then, he would realize he was the happiest he’s ever been when he was with you. If only he could do it again.

And that’s your strategy. Give him the illusion that he can never have you again…but then give him the hope that he can and will win you back. You can simulate a “lost love” scenario with your ex and win him back by tugging at his heartstrings and making him realize what he’s lost.

Best of all, there is no manipulation involved, nor any lying or deceit. No need to play him or beat him at his own game. Just follow these simple steps to get him to chase you and KEEP HIM chasing you.

1. Reverse the dynamic between you. You don’t need him, but he seems to need you.

Winning your ex back by strategy, as opposed to begging by instinct, is remarkably easy. Your goal is to reverse the process. Rather than try to persuade him to fall in love with you, let HIM direct the relationship. Pay attention to him and let him try to impress you. Respond to him. Keep things polite, maybe even fun.

But the secret is to resist him. When you resist him, you keep him chasing you. When you give him the reactions he wants, but then proceed on your way, you challenge him to try harder.

2. Remember that power is everything.

You’ve probably never thought about “power” dynamics before, since you both saw each other as equals. The problems started, however, when one of you lost that “equality” in the relationship.

He decides to break up with you and you lose that equality, you lose the power of independence and being your own person. By begging him or manipulating him into staying with you, you surrender more people.

Logically speaking (and of course men think logically) you must do everything to gain back that power so that you are once again equals. You’re not playing mind games or trying to control HIM…you’re merely reclaiming that power as an equal partner.

Instead of seeking comfort or validation from him, focus on improving yourself. Build back your confidence and stay busy. The busier you are the less time you will have to fall back on old patterns—like wondering what might have been, or wondering what went wrong.

The SECOND you gain back that power, that confidence, that control over your own life, he notices. And that’s when attraction starts again.

3. Use the right voice when speaking to him: calm and casual.

In most cases he will contact you first. When this happens, you must come across natural, or in other words, calm and casual. Losing control and becoming too emotive scares him away, or reinforces his negative thoughts about you. What a man wants is for you to return to the calm and casual demeanor that you first had BEFORE you were in love.

4. Bring back the mystery!

If cool and casual seems a bit too vague, go with mystery! A mysterious woman is always more enticing to a man than a woman who’s overly familiar—and all the more so when discussing your ex. Your ex doesn’t WANT to think you’re the exact same person he remembers. He wants to fall in love with you all over again, not simply jump back to the same place that you left off.

How can you project mystery and seduction? Simple…stop sharing so much. Stop giving your boyfriend the GIFT of emotional intimacy. He left that intimacy and now you have to rebuild that bond from the ground up.

Don’t volunteer information without him asking. Don’t apologize, don’t go out of your way to be helpful. You can and should be honest. But being honest doesn’t mean that you have to treat him like a king.

Treat him the way he wants to be treated. Like an ordinary man, one that’s interested in you. One that looks forward to chasing you and unraveling this mystery you’ve created.

5. Stop fighting and start thinking about negotiation.

If you’ve read our blog before then you know by now that one of the first rules is that you never sleep with the guy UNTIL he falls for you. So assuming you know that by now let’s fast-forward to the real issue—the breakup.

How do you repair the damage and the wounds between the two of you? Eliminate conflict and pursue negotiation. This involves taking responsibility for your mistakes but WITHOUT begging your ex to come back. You retain your power, your independence, but you still also validate the feelings of your ex.

This means you don’t disagree with him on why things ended because disagreeing causes conflict. Instead, work together and finding solutions. Find compromises. Apologize for hurt feelings and keep the relationship friendly.

Maybe you’re wondering if apologizing and being friendly again will backfire. Isn’t that what ruined the relationship last time? No, what compromised the relationship was losing your sense of identity and surrendering your independence.

So when he’s serious about pursuing you, let him pursue you. Let him work for your attention. Don’t try to convince him to come back since this is surrendering power to him. You don’t need him but he wants you and he’ll fight for you. That should be the dynamic of this new relationship.

Always remember, men are drawn to women who are happy and independent with themselves, regardless of a man. Your happiness should never be dependent on a man’s happiness or approval. You’re happy, busy and successful in life and so you attract him, you attract a man that meets your high standards. That’s what keeps him chasing you, the idea that you don’t “need” each other…you just like each other. Your love grows stronger, it grows naturally, because you both love yourselves.