How to Get a Guy to Ask You Out

If you’ve decided that this awesome friend of yours may actually be your true love, then you’re probably wondering how to get out of this dank place called the “Friend Zone”. While a lot has been written about how men get stuck in the friend zone and boo hoo, poor guy…

The truth is women have it much worse. That’s right because women can get shoved into TWO different friend zones. (A) The “I’m not attracted to you” friend zone and (B) the “I want to have sex with you but nothing serious!” friend zone.

That’s two different zones you have to avoid and it’s very tricky when you’ve been platonic friends for so long. It’s important to approach this situation delicately and to avoid doing anything too dramatic and risk freaking the guy out.

Frankly, I do feel as if women should avoid making a really obvious first move (or shall we say the “big confession”). I have always suggested that she be far more subtle about it, namely by testing a man’s attraction, and seeing whether he chases her.

This will work for you because it allows you to test the chemistry between the two of you, and at the same time, it doesn’t require a big awkward confession in the beginning. Instead, you make deliberate attempts to change his perception of you…and see whether he feels anything.

Now whether you just met this friend or have known him for years, the formula is the same. When it comes to asking your guy out, you don’t make any aggressive signals to him. Instead, you patiently and almost quietly seduce him into seeing you as something more than a friend. That will eventually evoke him into feeling attraction and then making the first move on you—namely by asking you out.

Let’s review the five-step formula to getting a man interested in taking you out.

1. Make personal improvement a goal.

If you’ve been slacking off lately in your own personal goals, (and coincidentally have been stuck in a job you dislike, or have lost your figure, or have been down in the dumps) then it’s imperative that you change your appearance before approaching him. If you feel down, or don’t feel the desire to look your best and be your best, you may be compromising your “presentation”.

Friends do notice this, and particularly a man who’s used to approaching a successful and attractive woman. He wants to see you at your best, not in your casual lounging clothes. I hate for this part to sound mean, but it’s a mean truth. Men DO pay attention to appearances. And if you look less than your absolute best he will immediately friend-zone you because of a lack of physical attraction.

So if you feel you haven’t been looking your best lately, work on that first before the first approach.

2. Avoid letting him friend-zone you by AVOIDING an expression of your feelings.

Let’s be honest…if you want HIM to make the first move and save face then you CANNOT show him that you’re interested in him. You have to let him think it’s all his idea. That means you must avoid letting him know how much you want a date with him, want sex with him or want “something” to happen between the two of you.

Your goal is to play it cool but to subtly GRAB his attention. Some women make a mistake in this part of the process by giving him too much attention, which basically gives their crush away. Do not ask him to hang out. Don’t imply anything even if you think it’s subtle.

Instead, just avoid expressing how you feel and go on to the next step.

3. Make an accidental compliment.

Now it’s time to open that Pandora’s Box of your guy friend’s desire. Flirt with him by accident—as if this is NOT something you’re thinking about 24/7. Rather, it’s just one moment where you acknowledge that he’s sexually attractive.

It can be as subtle as one compliment. Such as “You look really good in that shirt” or “Have you been working out?” or “Wow, you can look really cute when you want to.”

The goal here is to show him that you’ve noticed him, but that you’re just casually flirting with him. It was almost an accident or an impulse that made you give him that compliment. Now during this moment, you look ravishing—beautiful, your absolute best.

This is the moment when he realizes maybe he friend-zoned the wrong person.

4. Don’t talk about anything too serious—TEASE him instead.

Teasing and flirting is practically a second language. If you want to avoid an awkward conversation, just tease the guy instead. Gently poke fun of something he’s wearing, or something he said, or even a woman he’s thinking about dating. Encourage him to tease you back and keep the playful dynamic going.

By now he’s thinking, “That (Your Name)…she’s so crazy! I wonder why things never worked out between us?”

5. While still keeping it casual, get to know him even deeper.

So at this point, you know a little bit about him, but it’s probably only peripheral stuff. Have you made an effort to get to know him DEEPER, as a lover might know him? This means that you are curious about his hobbies, his life goals, his opinions, his favorite things, and his passions.

Of course, you don’t make a big deal about asking of these “career goals” because that sounds overly formal. Instead, you ask these questions casually, just like a friend. You make him the topic of conversation and let him speak on his favorite subjects.

He will immediately notice you’re taking an interest in him and not making the conversation all about you.

6. Remain OPEN to a date without ASKING for one.

Finally, let him know your plans without the added pressure of asking him out.

By now he feels a little attraction or at least some curiosity about you. Instead of asking him out directly, or explaining your feelings, simply remain OPEN to him and his ideas. Don’t ask but briefly mention where you’re going and what you’re planning. You might even mention that he’s invited—along with other people.

If he wants to learn more about you (and eventually ask you out officially) he will tag along to see how it goes.

You could even play it really clever like this: at the end of the non-date, tell him you’re hungry or need a shot of coffee, or a beer, or something to that effect. Wait until he volunteers the thought of taking you where you want to go.

7. Appeal to his jealousy by talking about other men you want to date.

In essence, you’ve reminded him that you’re “on the market”, of course not to him but to other men who just so happen to be similar to him. This will give him a WAKE-UP CALL to get on the move, if he really wants to ask you out. Clever…but keep it subtle, meaning no bragging.

All you’re doing is reminding him that your attention is a limited time offer. The sooner he makes a move, the better…because you’re not going to wait around forever.

Remember this formula and you can get your friend-zoning pal to notice you and look at you in a whole new light.

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Talk soon,

Matthew Coast

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About The Author

Matthew Coast

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