How Does a Man Think About Love

In previous articles, we’ve discussed what men really want in relationships. We also discussed that younger men tend to have very idealistic relationships and may actually chase after unrealistic fantasies.

In contrast, men in their 30s and 40s tend to be more realistic and relationship-oriented, rather than interested in fantasy fulfillment. This may also mean that when it comes to “finding love” they are disillusioned. Some men might even tell you they thought they knew what love was in their teens or twenties, only to discover that they were wrong.

What happens to them, at least scientifically speaking, is that they become more self-aware. They learn that true love is different from ideal love. Ideal love tends to be selfish, fantastic and a little out of touch with the world. True love requires more understanding, more compromise, and more life experience to truly appreciate your partner.

In this article, we’re going to discuss four things that mean “true love” to a man, at least to a man who is open-minded and has passed that stage of ideal, fantasy-oriented love. Men are definitely ready to love and statistically speaking, they DO fall in love first, before their partner does. The real question is, do you understand how men think?

1. True love is oxytocin, at least scientifically speaking.

If you find yourself dating an intellectual or creative type, don’t be surprised if he throws this curve ball at you. Yes, of course love is scientifically explainable. Love is an emotion, a chemical rush, a biological process.

Attraction leads to dating which leads to sex. Sex initially is “a rush of dopamine and endorphins”, at least according to Dr. Joe Fanelli of Syracuse University. When we first enjoy a new coupling, we experience the lust stage, where we become addicted to the sensations and the chemical reactions. This causes an obsessive and insatiable craving for the other person, a feeling that will naturally change over time, as we become used to a partner.

But as we move into the long-term relationship, the chemical rush becomes a more “comfort-based” chemical reaction, which involves the love drug of oxytocin. What starts as sex-based attraction doesn’t actually “end”…it evolves into a deeper state of love, trust, and intimacy.

2. True love is an EQUAL partnership.

Most people might understand “equal partnership” to mean that the man doesn’t abuse or condescend to his wife. He doesn’t boss her around or make unruly demands, and of course, that’s the start of an equal partnership. However, it goes beyond that. It also involves two people living together and contributing the same amount of effort into the relationship, without exploitation and without imbalance.

This is precisely why successful men are usually looking for successful women. They don’t want to feel as if they’re being taken advantage of, or that a woman wants to marry them for financial security. They are attracted to women who don’t NEED them to be happy, but who are still attracted to their personality.

Men look for women who are self-sufficient, independent, secure in who they are, and confident. In other words, they have these qualities in common. There is no imbalance. In fact, most successful men will simply not have an attraction to a woman who just wants to be a housewife and has no real ambitions in life.

3. True love is fidelity and honesty.

Men who have suffered heartbreak in the past are especially attracted to relationships built on honesty and loyalty. They want security at this stage in their lives and a faithful wife gives them that security. You could even say that the entire meaning of “commitment” is fidelity, commitment to each other, as well as a commitment to make the relationship work, even if there are challenges.

This is why honesty is so important, even if it’s the kind of honesty that’s not fun to talk about. If there’s been a breakdown in communication between both partners, then honesty will help repair the damage. Honesty isn’t always flattering, but it’s necessary to understand each other and to stop seeing things from just one perspective.

Even in the case of temptation outside the marriage, honesty is what builds fidelity. Keeping secrets, avoiding confrontation, and shaming your partner rather than talking things over is the wrong approach. Talking things out, from your anxieties to your sexual fantasies, to your regrets and curiosities, will help you both stay connected—like soul mates!

4. True love is being an “expert” at figuring out men!

Now we’re getting into the truth of it. When men are ready to fall in love again and get over their issues, they want one simple thing. A woman who understands them. A woman who not only “gets” men, but who also takes the time to learn his personal eccentricities, tastes, and preferences.

When men are ready to settle down they want a woman who is smart, not just book smart, but people smart. Someone who appreciates them and is willing to comfort them and assuage their egos in just the right way.

This is a “creature comfort” that many younger women do not understand. So whether you’re in your 20s, 30s, 40s or beyond, by taking this attitude (that you’re an expert at men and you know exactly what they want) you will be far exceeding most other women in their dating approach. They wait to be impressed. But you, as a woman who understands feminine charm, will be impressing your man and making him desire you.

5. True love is getting him to chase you!

Last but not least, remember that true love is about the “chase”, as we often remind our readers on the site. He wants to chase you. The harder he works for something, the more he appreciates it. Keep him chasing you, but always make the rewards something amazing and worthwhile. That’s not only what attracts him to commitment and marriage, that’s what makes a marriage last!

About The Author

Matthew Coast

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