4 Signs of Unspoken Attraction

You know what’s frustrating? And it’s really nobody’s fault, but it’s one of the most annoying, frustrating and painful experiences in life. It’s when two people really like each other but they’re both so afraid of being rejected that they hold back from confessing what they feel for each other.

That’s what you call some serious Remains of the Day problems right there! (Excuse the gratuitous Merchant-Ivory reference)

The fact is, no matter how cold rejection feels, it can’t possibly be as painful as keeping silent and letting an opportunity pass you by. That’s the worst kind of pain, especially if you learn years later that the other guy DID like you, but just figured you didn’t like him.

I say enough with this! It’s too painful to go through life wondering what might have been. Don’t have any regrets…I say take a chance!

The good news is that you don’t actually have to make the first move and ask him out. All you really have to do is talk to him and engage in a regular not-overly-flirty conversation. The rest is left up to him and how much he wants to impress you and keep the conversation going.

Of course, your first thought is probably “But if he doesn’t like me I don’t want to force him into a conversation!”

Then the best thing to do is look for signs that tell you he’s interested in you before you try to talk to him. These signs of unconscious, unspoken attraction are like his private thoughts, the ones that he’s not even aware that you can read.

If you notice any of these four signs of unspoken attraction, then it’s safe to say he IS thinking about you and he does want to ask you out. He just needs a little encouragement and a few more obvious signals coming from you. So look for:

1. Strong or consistent eye contact and smiles.

One of the most obvious signals is increased, personal eye contact and a genuine smile. Studies have actually shown that keeping strong eye contact not only shows your attraction to him, but also makes him feel more attracted to you in return. As social beings, we are always going to be more attracted to someone who likes us.

In contrast, when a person respects you or tolerates you – but doesn’t actually feel attracted to you – you will notice a lack of intimate eye contact. His smile will also be infrequent compared to someone who is constantly keeping a smile and creating a positive feeling.

Shy men will also try to look you in the eye and share a feeling even if it’s for just a moment. You may feel him looking at you and then catching a glimpse of his eyes before he turns away. The more eye contact he initiates the more interested he is…he’s just trying to think of a way to talk to you.

2. Positive and intimate body language.

When a man likes you he is physically drawn to you. He will find a reason to touch you, (even if it’s just platonic) to move closer to your personal space, (even if it’s just a few inches), and will be facing you. These are all gestures from him that are sending the clear message: I want to be closer to you.

A man who’s not seriously interested in you may look at you when you’re having a conversation, but you’ll also notice his body language will be pointed away. He may be facing the other direction and only occasionally glancing at you.

An interested man is always attentive, even though he’s not always so vocal about it. He may also have very “open gestures”, such as open hands and spread legs and feet, suggesting he’s very approachable.

3. Natural nervousness.

It’s easy to tell if a shy guy is nervous around you. His voice is affected, he misspeaks frequently, speaks at a fast pace and he may lose his train of thought.

The funny thing is though, that even confident guys or “smooth” guys will still show the same quality that I like to call “natural nervousness.” He will speak at a fast pace. He may speak fluently and with a calm deep voice, but he will also be doing most of the talking. He’s “on”, he’s trying to impress you, and though he’s trying hard to be confident, he still gives himself away by the way he speaks quickly, laughs or giggles frequently.

Just ask yourself how attentive is he? Is it very clear that he’s trying to keep you engaged in conversation and is excited about talking to you? Then it’s very likely you’re the object of his enthusiasm.

4. He’s very “extreme” in his emotions.

One easy way to tell if a guy likes you is to gauge whether his emotions are extreme. Is he extremely funny, extremely teasing (picking on you in funny ways), or extremely exuberant about his favorite hobby or cause? Even guys who use negative emotions seem to be extreme. They may start an argument or try to manipulate you into giving them sympathy with a sad story. Some guys are “extremely funny” and working overtime to make you laugh.

Guys use these extreme emotions to get your attention. In contrast, men who just aren’t that into you will not work that hard to impress you. They will hardly use any emotions to communicate. They answer questions…they laugh softly, they show respect. But they’re not actually experiencing any strong emotions for you and that shows in the way they handle themselves.

The point is, when a guy likes you he DOES put that positive energy out there just to see how you respond. The more you respond to him, even if his actions are very subtle, the more likely he is to engage you in conversation and eventually make a bold move to ask you out…when the time is right.

Encourage him to talk more and become comfortable in your presence. Keep doing this and you will motivate him to make a move!

About The Author

Matthew Coast

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