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When Should You Let a Man Kiss You. Signs He Loves You Deeply. Make a Man Fall Head Over Heels in Love.

When Should You Let a Man Kiss You?

This seems to be a common concern for most women I talk to…

“When should I let a man kiss me?”

Here’s the short answer:

Whenever he goes for the kiss.

The response I get to this tends to be…

“But I won’t kiss him if it’s too soon. I don’t kiss on the first date.”

Okay… I don’t know where that rule comes from but I want you to think about something for a minute…

The most common, most frustrating, and most heartbreaking concern I get from women is this:

“Why do men disappear on me!?!?”

Let me rephrase what this actually means:

Most women don’t really care that MOST men disappear on them… only the ones they really like.

It’s the man she feels chemistry for… the spark of attraction… the butterflies in her stomach.

That’s what most women are concerned about when they talk about men disappearing… they want to know why the man she felt so attracted to disappeared.

Hmm… so what does this have to do with kissing a man on a first date?

Let’s imagine things from a man’s perspective for a moment…

Men are expected to make all the moves, to take all the risk, and to constantly put themselves out on the line for the women they date.

Imagine that’s you. Imagine that you have to take ALL the risk and go for the kiss whenever you think it might be the right time.

And let’s say that you went out on a date with a woman. The two of you have an absolute blast!

You have so much fun, get to know each other so well, and you feel that spark of attraction that gives you butterflies in your stomach and makes it feel like everything is just so right.

Being that you’re the one expected to just know when to kiss the other person… you feel like there couldn’t possibly be a better time.

You look into the other person’s eyes, you lean forward, close your eyes, pucker your lips…

But all you get is their cheek… or worse yet… you’re left completely hanging out in the air with nothing to show for it.

“I don’t kiss on the first date,” comes from the person you’re with.

Yet what a buzz kill?!? All you’re left with is feeling inadequate, undeserving, and rejected.

All those great feelings that you had completely went away. And now all you can do is question in your mind what you did wrong. Thinking…

“But everything felt so great. What happened?!?”

Sound familiar?

Not only does this destroy the mood, it will probably destroy the chances of a second date too.

And just to be clear… I’m not saying that you should let a guy do anything. It’s good to have boundaries and respect yourself for them.

However, for a guy, going in and not getting the kiss can be devastating.

And having some kind of arbitrary rule for when you should and shouldn’t kiss a guy is likely to be a major turn off for any man.

If you want a second date with a guy and he goes in for a kiss on the first date, I suggest you let him kiss you.

Otherwise, it’s very unlikely that you’ll be getting a second date.

If you’re not interested in him, obviously you don’t need to kiss him ever.

Just realize what’s going through a man’s mind when he puts himself out on the line like that.

A man needs to know that you’re interested in him if he’s going to pursue something with you.

There’s nothing worse for a guy than pursuing a woman who doesn’t feel the same way towards him.

That ends pretty much the same way every time… in the “friend’s zone.”

And most men have ended up in that space so many times, that if he thinks he might end up there, there’s a good chance that he won’t pursue you at all.

So if you like a guy, you need to let him at least know that you’re sexually interested in him… you don’t need to sleep with him right away or let him do anything that you aren’t comfortable with.

And don’t make this some type of a reward for good behavior.

Let it be a sincere acknowledgement of how you feel for a guy.

Just know that if he doesn’t think you’re definitely interested in him, he’s not going to pursue you much longer. And if you deny him a kiss, it could make him feel like he’s wasting his time with you.

What does your kiss say to a man?

Can I tell you a secret that most people don’t know?

And the people who do know, don’t usually think much about it…

Here it is…

Kissing is a language.

And it communicates at a very primal level.

It can tell a man’s mind to reach, hunger, and crave for more of your touch…

Or it can turn him off and dull his passion and excitement for you.

The question is…

What does your kiss say?

Click here to learn more

Talk soon,

Matthew Coast

P.S. If you want to learn how to capture a man’s heart with your kiss…

Click here to learn more

 

 

 

 

 

43 thoughts on “When Should You Let a Man Kiss You?”

    1. IN TIMES OF COVID and you donot know how many or who he has kissed…what a terrible idea!
      In times of heavy AIDS what we did is used condoms.

      NO CONDOMS FOR MOUTH!

      1. Well, if one chooses to let the government keep them from having a normal life, that’s their choice. As for me, 2 years and 3 months is enough. Life on earth is way too short. I feel sorry for those who choose to live in fear of dying and miss out on LIFE!

        1. Life on Earth is way too short. Why taking the risk to make it even shorter then? Anyways, it’s legitimate what OP said, just as your opinion is too. Take care!

      2. Marylouise I Titus

        As I’ve said before. I’ve been blessed with age. When the time comes to kiss, Im’ kissing. Tomorrow may be too late. Make it memorable because you may never get a second chance. A kiss is never a waste of time or a mistake.

  1. Lovely post…it actually cleared some misunderstanding I had. Obviously it helps to see things from the male perspective…sometimes being self absorbed can leave one very lonely…I think spontaneity is the key to any successful relationship.

  2. Hi Mathew,

    He was doing all the chasing and as soon as I show interest he will back down. He was in intelligence for years and analyze everything. Apparently worked in different country and caught his wife with another guy and that chattered his life dream of perfect marriage.

    Invited me out on date to his house but we went to his friends place to listen to music as friend was also interested in me and ended up sleeping there. Very strange as I until today still don’t know we’re he stays. I like him a lot but its almost as its become like game to him. Never any phone calls just what’s up and wants no commitment just some1 to service him. That’s really not okay with me. I can play his game ni walk away as I have also become hard due to
    Previous bad relationships.

    What do I do. Just walk away?

    Regards,

    MARIETTE

    P.S.

    He thinks I’m loaded with money

  3. There’s the other side of the coin; dating a guy for two months who I wanted to kiss, but only got a brotherly hug with back pats by the 1st month’s end, and subsequent dates ended with only hugs. Clearly, I just didn’t do it for him.

    1. That was exactly what happened to me with a guy I dated for 2 months. He was a 7th Day Adventist and they don’t believe in premarital sex. Then he told me he had been email “dating” another Adventist who was the sister of a friend and they were “in love”. He left town to meet her in another state. Before he left he told me that if and when they kissed, it would signify that they were serious about each other, so he was going to wait. They didn’t work out. He said they found out they were better as friends than potential, spouses, and they had hoped for so much more.

      Bottom line: if all you get is a brotherly hug and back pat, he’s not interested.

      (I wasn’t able to watch the video, as it said web page not found).

  4. Owhhh thanks for your advise,hope it will workout for me coz I’m starting a new relationship FEELING SO LONELY is helping me

  5. I agree. if i feel that I am attracted to him,I will kiss him on the first date. In my opinion i need to know he’s a good kisser. I want to feel that spark..those butterflies in your stomach when he’s kissing me. And it definitely doesn’t make me easy it let’s me know that I really want to see him again. If I don’t feel anything then of course they’re not getting a kiss. It’s true that men always put themselves out there and we never seem to care how they feel when we don’t dance with them, when we always expect them to make the first step and when they do its still not good enough or how we expected it to be.

    1. I dated a guy and as Christian’s we do not do sex, well I don’t. Had amazing passionate kiss and we totally get each other. No sex though. Then he told me he usually does all but intercourse when dating. Next day no call and withdrawing a bit. He told me he cannot kiss or hug me as it means he will want to sleep with me so we can just go out and talk. V upsetting.

  6. The phrase “when should I let him kiss me” is very condescending. You’re assuming that all men want to kiss you, which isn’t true. If you’re giving signals that you want to be kissed, and if I want to kiss you, I will. If you rebuff me after giving signals, I will politely finish the date and there won’t be another. You are not the prize; the relationship is the prize. I don’t play games.

    1. John,
      Thank you for bringing this up.
      What I can see here is a sad lack of knowledge of how a woman functions.
      ‘after giving signals’ is being a woman, nervous, child-like, happy and you zoom in for a kiss ?
      The relationship – as you seem to describe it – is obviously between the sheets from your point of view and quick.
      i asked a woman police inspector about the type of complaints which were lodged. She answered without hesitation – “the usual, the man takes out his member on the first date and expects a favour”. and then she told m what a woman does – and sad as it was, it didn’t involve rebuffing a man.
      Sincerely, I feel that relationships involve two totally distinct people who would have to get to know each other first. So that means it takes working on.
      You are not the referee here. Nor the slave (if that is what you are thinking). Neither are you the prize.There is no prize. A relationship can take its time to develop. if you do not intend to take the time, you do not deserve a good woman. If you are not aware of this yet, do take your ego elsewhere. It has taken up too much space as it is. Try running in a park. Meditating. Swimming. Watch less TV and soapbox movies where the actors kiss. That is Hollywood. And total nonsense. Go for a full life. When you are fully involved in something real, you become real. And maybe you will realise that you may attract a real person. Kisses do not mean a thing. The authenticity of a relationsip does. We are talking about two different things.
      I hope you understand.
      Thank you for taking the time to read this reply. Start with being authentic, with yourself. Good luck !

  7. Hi family, I too am sometimes guilty of leaving it up to the man to make a move with the first kiss. I made the move after a few dates with a supposedly grown man. He probably was not use to the gesture and was so taken aback that he asked what was that for? I felt so bruised. He spent months trying to make up for it but

  8. I never got over the snub so I spent months trying to make him feel as bad as I felt that night. Relationship collapsed before it actually started.

    1. My husband tells me he’d like me to initiate more. I have initiated so very many, many times, and he always rejects my advances! I dont use absolutes in my marriage like always and never: but in this instance I’m not exaggerating! He always has rejected all of my initiations, like it’s a game. Speaking of game, he even rejects those! I try to inject something fun to maybe spark some of that sexual tension or playful trash talk that competing can inspire. Play darts with me, let’s play pool, let’s play cards, basketball, tic tac freaking toe! Nope. Not ever has he said yes: when our relationship was cultivated in that atmosphere of competitive flirting and sexual tension building & I miss it terribly. I know what it is: he can’t have me, the more sexually interested partner, think that I can have it whenever I want if I initiate stuff like that or sex. Same reason he suddenly had an issue with lingerie. If I came out wearing something slinky, and he accepted my bid, I’d think all I need to do is put some on and then he can’t/wont turn me down. Which is patently absurd, and frankly, a weird control thing of his.
      Then he has the audacity to tell me I never want to do anything! Well, I don’t want to sit on my ass and watch TV, I don’t want to sit glued to my phone or social media like a teenager that has time to waste, because I, no WE don’t!

      Women are not suppose to be overt in their sexuality, it seems to put men off. As though me being forward sexually in any way threatens his ability to pursue or chase me. Black and white thinking is useless when life is more like one, giant grey area.

  9. So much game playing! If two people are right for each other, they shouldn’t have to play any games. It seems ridiculous to set a number of dates you’ll have to go on with someone before you kiss them. If you want to kiss them on the first date and the feeling is mutual, why is this a problem? If you don’t feel attracted enough to kiss them, maybe you’re better off as friends. There’s nothing wrong with that either! Lighten up and let things unfold as they’re meant to.

    1. I agree but. Now a days most of our moms didn’t teache us how to walk into a room and have that presence where a man will treat us in such a way different than what most women put up with these days .

      That’s why I think people resort to rules. Kind of like how people use calorie trackers and diets to stay healthy.
      It’s not wrong if it’s working for you. There’s just a better easier way if you’re in the right environment.

      But most of us must resort to rules until we can navigate without them.

  10. How him are u no that ur going to prusu anything on the first dayhow u no he’s the right one on the first day i will not kiss a man on the first day

    1. Then that’s your loss. Kissing and sex are quite different things. So unless you have religious reasons don’t worry about kissing.

    1. I always thought the physical chemistry was a good sign,but Matt does say also that unless you’re wanting just a sexual relationship,you should talk and see what you have in common. Because why waste the energy if all we want is a booty call! Doesn’t make us tramps, sometimes woman just need a go to guy with no strings! We have needs too

      1. Angela of october 2, 2019

        You are so right lady. Who said the word tramp ? How can you even say pretend “sometimes woman just need a go to guy with no strings! We have needs too” and bring up the word “tramp”.
        Make up your mind.
        It is one or the other.
        And fix yourself.
        I do not think that Matt is the judge of anything.
        But himself.

  11. There is a lot of disease going around and I have kept my mouth out of it. I respect the other person enough to first make sure they aren’t bringing me any off the treats from past lovers! If I’m interested and comfortable I’ll kiss. I’ve never lost a guy over not letting him kiss me.

  12. Wow this is interesting. But what if he wants sex on the second date and clearly insists that it’s the only way he can be sure that you actually like him so that he can continue to pursue you? Happened to me recently. I refused to have sex with him and he stopped texting or calling

    1. Guys understand not getting in your pants, and frankly, they expect some level of resistance to getting their penis inside your vagina. At the same time, a complete rebuff of the most basic of physical intimacy will simply send a message that you have no interest in a romantic relationship. If you won’t kiss him, if you don’t want his arm around and his hand at your waist/shoulder, then he gets the obvious message — you aren’t interested. The difference between friendship and romance is the physical component; no physical component means no romance. Sure, you can delay sexual intercourse until your wedding night if you want to, but putting up a mental “do not touch” sign will assure there will never be a wedding night.

      1. Sarah l johnson

        A friend i knew when i was 9 years old and he was 10 years older than me. I had a bad crush on him. But he did kiss me when i was young. Hes was not a pervert. Later he went into airforce and i moved away. But now after about 40 + years now im 68 hes 78 but we met again. Im crazy bout him he loves me , I love him , he thinks he is too old to get married. I let him kiss me on our first date because the way i felt bout him. I think it depends on the 2 people. We already had a good connection. Being connected makes a difference even though kissing can make things go further on a first date. I think as my mistake is going a little further because of no sex for 4 years after the loss of my husband, didnt know if i could love again, found out i could. Kissing on your first date to me is ok to me.

        1. I sure wish I could reconnect with the love of my life, but I hurt him badly many years ago when I was mid 30’s. He’s 80 now and I’m 73. I have sent him greeting cards with notes written inside, but never got a response. This Christmas, I’m finally going to write him a letter apologizing for my behavior, which led to our breakup. It had nothing to do with him. It was my emotional problems. I’ve checked him out over tge years, and never found evidence of a wife. He proposed to me 4 months after our first date, but we waited to do more than kissing until my divorce was final. Our first kiss was after several dates. If only I could go back 40 years. This time of year is always the hardest because we started dating in the Fall.

          1. Why wait until Christmas??? Send it now and hopefully spend the coming holidays together!!
            I have a couple guys I’ve often wondered about…but yours is a constant regret. If you know where he is, just GO TO him! You’ll know by the look in his eyes and his body language.

  13. ALL the risk is just from a man?! This one I don’t agree with at all. Going on a date with a man we don’t know is risky. Putting our heart on the line is “risky”. Putting our heart on the line “when it is just a kiss” is risky. We are emotional beings and I would say we are risking a lot more than just a man going in for a skill kiss with a woman he likes OR possibly just wants physical intimacy with. We both risk a lot during the courtship time.

  14. What your saying make sense, but what if he thinks a kiss would lead to somewhere else. What if he wants to get hot and heavy off the bat? Are we suppose to assume that a decent mature guy would show restraint ?
    I’m a single 30 year old women and I have yet come across a man who was just satisfied with one good night kiss.

  15. Well the first time my fiance tried to kiss me he almost did a face plant. I did feel bad but I wasn’t really ready for that at the time I had just gotten out of a 7 year failed relationship and a lot more things were going on in my life so I truly wasn’t looking for a relationship at the time . But it just made him want me more. He never stops chasing me even after he already has me. But a few more dates after he pinned me up against the wall before leaving the pool hall and I’ll never forget our first kiss.

    1. Well, I’m glad it worked out for you. However, I don’t understand why you went on a date when you were not looking for a relationship! After just ending a 7-year relationship! Most new relationships started without time alone end up not lasting because they’re rebound.
      I met the love of my life at work shortly after I filed for divorce after an 8 year marriage. My husband made me feel guilty for being so happy with someone new, and when my new love proposed 4 months after, when I wasn’t legally divorced yet, I just let let my guilt sabotage the relationship. I met the right guy at the wrong time. If I had waited a year, got my head together, I think it would have lasted.

  16. Very interesting study between a man and a woman. I believe if the two know one another well enough and are married to each other w/o any doubt, there should not be any hesitancy among lovers. Kissing is for married people, as we know this involves much emotion and desire as well as interpreting how the two may feel. Thanks for exploring love and emotion more deeply!

  17. Well I choose not to live in fear. Life is to short to allow fear become your master.
    Anyhow when I was younger I went to my Junior prom had a date. After the prom. The guy wanted to kiss me. He was going to kiss me on the lips but I turned my head. It wasn’t the fact I wasn’t interested. I was shy.
    Now that I am older. Well I am still shy but if guy goes to kiss me. I am not turning my head away. Especially if their is a connection. Yes you can hurt a man if he is really into you. By not kissing him. It doesn’t mean you have to sleep with him because it is first kiss. You have to give a man a chance & see if he respects you. You will know if he trys to feel you up. It is the way things are. You have to make your judgment call. But for me if he kisses me on first date well that is good sign. Going any further well that is up to a person. I don’t judge them for this.

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