What to do about my ex?

Anonymous asked 4 years ago

Mathew I could do with your help please. Feeling very confused right now! My ex says we can’t be together because he feels he was never good enough and thinks my family have judged him. I tell him constantly he was/is, how happy he makes me, all I wanted was him for him, etc… I do everything possible to support/ed him and allow him to make his own decisions without judging/criticising. I’ve never been in love before like this (I’m 41, so no spring chicken!) So I know what I’m feeling is real. My ex will go quiet for a couple of days, then text/call me telling me he misses me, loves and cares for me and I go running. After I’ve spent time with him and I go home he will go very cold with me, blunt texts, saying go be happy and start a new life, etc… He is a very insecure person and has had a troubled past. I think he’s expecting me to give up on him and I’ve tried but I can’t. My ex is a single parent and I’ve grown to love and care for his child. The relationship has been rocky with some interference from people his side and some from mine. I love everything about this man regardless of his faults. I need to know, should I walk away from him or stay put and wait for the storm to pass? I’m not a needy women and I’m very independent. I have said a few things to my ex that were uncalled for and I’ve apologised for making him feel so low and promised it won’t happen again. I’ve tried so hard to walk away but I just can’t. The thought of being with another man makes me sick to my stomach and my ex has said he would go mad if I got with another man. I’ve reassured him I will not let him down, I’m not out to hurt him but only love, care and protect him and stand by him like a good decent women would. What do I do Mathew? 

1 Answers
Matthew Coast Staff answered 4 years ago

Part of what I do as a commitment coach is help my clients learn that the answers are all within them. And because of that, I’m not going to make your life choices for you. I can’t decide for you to stay with a guy or leave him… only you can.
You know the answer to the decision that needs to be made deep within your heart. And you need to come to terms with it. The choice is… you can either continue to fight for this relationship with a guy who is incredibly insecure or you can leave it and go through the pain and heartache that comes from the breakup (you CAN break up with him if you decide that’s the decision you need to make).
You’re a grown woman and you can make that decision for yourself. That’s really all I have to say about this… make a decision and go with it. Nobody can make that decision for you. You need to act like a mature grown up and decide what you want your life to look like and make some decisions based on what you truly want.
Either the relationship is what you want or it’s not. If it is, stay in it. If it is not, get out.