What should I do?

Lisa asked 1 year ago

I met this guy 5 years ago. It’s a complicated situation, we met at an engagement party, the couple have since split up. He is a relative of the bride to be and I am a relative of the groom to be at the time. We started a little harmless flirting at the party and ended up spending the rest of the night and the next 2 nights on the phone and spent our days in constant contact via text. We kept everything quiet because the engaged couple would not approve. A few days later we decided to meet up before I returned home to another state. Things heated up really quickly and we had a great time. We stayed in contact on a daily basis and I returned 2 months later for spring break because I couldn’t wait to see him again. We had another great date and unfortunately his relative  (bride to be) found out and told my relative. (I was at the brides brothers house babysitting and her brother caught a glimpse of a text from the guy on my phone. The idiot told everyone.)Things blew up and this guy I’m developing feelings for just stopped speaking to me. He called the day of my flight and told me I was too immature and he’s done with me and never asked me how things even got out. It really hurt. Just when I was getting over it 4 months later, I unfortunately had to get in touch with him for something unrelated to us. I got what I needed and thought that was it, we’ll go back to not talking. That wasn’t the case. He started checking in on me again and being sweet and I fell right back in. He would speak to me for a day or two, maybe a week and then I wouldn’t hear from him for a month or two or maybe longer I don’t remember. The next time I was in town while we were speaking, we met up again and things went great again. We talked about going out again the next day, so I text him the next day to ask if we were still on he called me and said no because he looked in my eyes and saw that I really liked him and because of our engaged relatives we could never be. That was 2 years after we first went out. I ended up moving back to take care of family 3 months after that incident. About 8 months later, random text again. The cycle repeats. Over the course of the next 2 years this was our pattern. He talked to me whenever he felt like, we had sex, then he’d disappear for a few months again, and repeat. I will say, within those two years  he was there for me through two major deaths in my family that completely crushed me. All of a sudden he wasn’t disappearing anymore, we don’t talk on a daily basis. We’ll go up to maybe 2 weeks of him not responding to my last text and then he’ll apologize and tell me how busy he’s been. He wasn’t super distant anymore, he had changed a lot. He’d become a little possessive and very supportive, and concerned about the health issues I’ve been dealing with recently, but whatever it is that we have is still a secret. I invite him out whenever I go out with friends which isn’t often and he can never make it. And he’s gotten better at actually making it to whatever we plan for just the 2 of us. Before he always used to text me last minute saying he can’t make it. He still does that sometimes but not every time like before. I know he cares about me now. I know he’s developed some feelings for me, that much is obvious. Just recently, he came out with my friend and I for my birthday and we had a good night out. The next day he’s driving across the state to the beach, which he told me he was doing but the people he said he was going with didn’t meet the people he actually went with and him until maybe 2 Days Later. He actually drove there with 3 girls and 2 of them he didn’t tell me were going and I have no clue who they are. A similar incident happened maybe 3 years ago where he told me he was going up north to a certain state to see his family and I found out from a Facebook post that he actually went to another state with a girl who is supposedly just a friend and that was the last I heard of that girl. Maybe it’s just because I was there for him through his parent being very sick and being touch and go for a while in the hospital, maybe he just likes that I take care of him. Maybe he’s sending me mixed signals because he doesn’t know what he is feeling. But I feel like I’m always going to be his secret. I love him despite everything and he knows it. And I can’t keep doing this. Is it worth waiting a little longer? Is it possible that he does care about me and maybe one day we’ll be in a real relationship? Or, is he just using me? Am I being delusional?