Joanne asked 3 years ago

my boyfriend of a few months just recently decided he needs some space to think things out. I think we started out of the gates to hot and heavy and he is has been feeling smothered by me and maybe my expectations are now to high of where our relationship really should be this early on.  I didn’t noticed the signs of it until it was too late and he asked for space and time.  With this space he doesn’t want me contacting him in any way. I recently realized now that I have kind of lost myself in him. Not doing other things that make me happy, putting him first over everything and he’s been my main priority. I could understand how this could give him the need for pulling back and wanting space. I think that I get clingy in the beginning of a relationship because I have some abandonment issues from past and recent years. I instantly acted like every girl probably does and went a little nuts when he requested space. I apologize for something that is kind of trivial to ensure him I was sincerely apologetic, I then went on to try to find a solution of what I thought his stress problem was, then I broke it off and then changed my mind. He asked again for me to give him a couple days. I just feel like I e blown it and am now more humiliated that I reacted in those ways. Is there and could there still be hope? He did say he didn’t want to break up with me he just needed time to think about things. Which the list was me, how he wasn’t ready for an emotional commitment with me, he wanted to be selfish and wasn’t sure if he really wanted to be in a relationship at all, how we were moving too fast, his future, he said he was depressed not happy with his how his life was going, financial worry, he had already been roped into a vacation with his mom that he didn’t want to go on. The list went on…… so hope or no hope? Should I pick up and move forward or wait for him to come around? 

Tabitha Pratt replied 3 years ago

Oh yes, if he said that he doesn’t want to be in a relationship, then believe him! If he ever changes then he can contact you.

1 Answers
Tabitha Pratt answered 3 years ago

Talk to me woman!
Hot and heavy beginnings? Smothering clingy female? Now he needs space?? I’ve Seen this one before! I’ve also been there and done that! Got the t-shirt! 😉
Truth is, he asked for space, and you went after him even harder. Exactly what he did not want. Now you seem to be more clear and have recognized how you contributed to his distancing. Good for you!
Woman love attachment, and males love FREEDOM. Crazy how that polarity thing works. 
Want to know the secret? Show him you can put yourself aside right now (clingy, freak out, stay with me so I don’t feel this void) and ‘give’ him the space that he wants. Don’t contact him at all! You’re not desperate, you have high value, and you know that value. If you cling to him anymore, you will only push him further away.
As far as the break that he wants to take from you, I would mentally give yourself a time limit as to how long you will wait for him.
Also get very clear as to what his expectations are around this ” break”. Are you two seeing other people during this break? Is commitment on the table? Ask a ton of questions and when he answers, check in with your feelings and honestly relay those to him! 
Hope is good, but be smArt! Listen to your heart!
Don’t be a doormat to try to win him back. Honest expression of your feelings are best.