Uncertainty!

Vikki asked 11 months ago

I experienced one of the best relationships ever with a man whilst I lived in the states. Things were going so great; I set good boundaries and encouraged his masculine energy for a while and then I got caught up in my own masculine energy and it caused him to grow distant. I pulled myself away to collect myself, but when I came back I brought him news that I have to leave the country sooner than expected. He expressed fears of having a long distance relationship because suddenly he had decided he can’t come back with me like we had planned and didn’t know what to do, because we were in love and he didn’t know how to handle the situation. Things got worse and I ended up calling the relationship off because he wouldn’t talk to me and I didn’t want to get stuck in another one sided relationship, where I was the one making most of the effort. Two months later, he returned to me with a fighting spirit, telling me he wanted to make things work because he felt like we belonged together; that I was the first woman to get to his heart and it made him ‘irky in a good way’, mentioned the possibility of marriage and also expressed the concerns he had been keeping from me previously. He started referring to me as his girlfriend again and intended to spend time with me before I had to leave. The next day he was unable to meet me due to avoidable circumstances and it triggered him back into his fearful mind frame again. For a week or so he stopped initiating, started acting hyper-vigilant, told me how being vulnerable made him uncomfortable and barely messaged me, and I got to a point of having to beg him to see me again. He met me, but this time I felt uncertain of where I stood anymore and his behaviour had shifted quite dramatically from the last time we met. The night ended with me in tears, but unable to express myself to him confidently. The following day I confessed my feelings of confusion and he told me he needed to work on himself, that he had been horrible to me because he is trying to break away from negative thoughts and that none of his actions were my fault. At this point, I decided to just step back and call off the idea that we were even in a relationship because he hadn’t earnt that right this time round and it didn’t even feel like a relationship to me. I offered him space and made it clear that I wanted to be treated as a priority. I don’t know where it will lead, I hope he will realize my value through doing this and will step up to come back to me, but I am having doubts in this being the right thing to do. I leave tomorrow.