If he’s not ready to commit, how can I make him feel ready to?

Relationship Questions and AdviceCategory: Finding Mr. RightIf he’s not ready to commit, how can I make him feel ready to?
Anonymous asked 4 years ago
Louise Joubert replied 3 years ago

Hi there. Ive met this awesome guy. Going tobvisit him this weekend. He has been hurt numerous times by ex girlfriends and simply does not believe in love anymore. He has so much love to give….. how do I get him to open up his heart for a relationship again

1 Answers
Matthew Coast Staff answered 4 years ago

If you want a guy to commit to you, you have to give up your mindset that you need to make him feel ready to commit to you.
I know that sounds counter-intuitive but that’s your best chance at doing it. When you’re trying to force a guy to feel ready, that’s when he will feel the least ready and most cautious.
There’s a term that I use called “mirroring”… this is what you’ll want to do with him. Don’t jump into the water until he does. Don’t get too involved in the relationship until he does. Don’t commit to him until he does it with you.
Men come to relationships not being ready for commitment. Women tend to come to them already primed and seeking it. And the more you commit before he’s ready, the less likely he is to commit to you or your relationship.
The more you try to convince him that you’re the one, the less likely he’ll feel like you are. The way to get a guy ready for commitment is to come from a place of understanding, acceptance and compassion.
He’s not obligated to commit to you. He never is. So you need to make sure that you’re taking care of your own needs first. Ask yourself whether this man deserves your commit or not. Ask yourself whether he is someone who you can really commit yourself to.
Find out where he is… why he isn’t ready to commit and take his answer to you seriously. Men value their freedom more than anything else in the world. If he’s going to give up a piece of that freedom to be with you, he has to feel like you’re more valuable to him than his freedom is.
While you may be ready at any time to be in a relationship, a man only commits when he feels like he can do a good job at being the man in the relationship. If he doesn’t feel he’s at that place, he won’t commit no matter what you do.
So instead of coming from a place of judgment, come from a place of understanding and curiosity and compassion. Don’t commit before he does. Be the woman he would want to commit to and if he’s willing to actually be in a committed relationship, he will commit to you.