I read your emails everyday, in factI look forward to them! Your advice is sound, and often confirms what I have felt for many years! So here's my story. I moved from California to Tennessee two months ago. My sister, and I stayed with some friends for a month. Friend wanted to introduce me to her ex brother in law. She however, took every opportunity to tell me what an A hole he is. When I met him, he was anything but. In fact, he gazed into my eyes as we were leaving. Circumstances have arisen, and I now find myself spending a lot of time with he, and his children. As the weeks go by, I find myself falling for him hard&fast. He gazes into my eyes, searches for me, and almost panicks when he knows I'm there but can not see me. His eldest daughter has told me that no one has been able to break down his walls this fast, but all I am doing is being myself, and letting him in a little at a time! No man has ever looked at me the way he does, EVER! So now what? I know I am not his type, I am 5/1 with a lot to love. He's seems to be into high maintenance psychos. So not me! It's not your issue, but I really need some sound advice. Like I said, I am falling hard, and fast! Thank you for your time! Michi

Relationship Questions and AdviceCategory: Make Him Fall in LoveI read your emails everyday, in factI look forward to them! Your advice is sound, and often confirms what I have felt for many years! So here's my story. I moved from California to Tennessee two months ago. My sister, and I stayed with some friends for a month. Friend wanted to introduce me to her ex brother in law. She however, took every opportunity to tell me what an A hole he is. When I met him, he was anything but. In fact, he gazed into my eyes as we were leaving. Circumstances have arisen, and I now find myself spending a lot of time with he, and his children. As the weeks go by, I find myself falling for him hard&fast. He gazes into my eyes, searches for me, and almost panicks when he knows I'm there but can not see me. His eldest daughter has told me that no one has been able to break down his walls this fast, but all I am doing is being myself, and letting him in a little at a time! No man has ever looked at me the way he does, EVER! So now what? I know I am not his type, I am 5/1 with a lot to love. He's seems to be into high maintenance psychos. So not me! It's not your issue, but I really need some sound advice. Like I said, I am falling hard, and fast! Thank you for your time! Michi
Anonymous asked 3 years ago
1 Answers
Matthew Coast answered 3 years ago

Hi Michi,
 
Thanks for the compliment. I’m glad you’re enjoying the newsletter.
 
You need to be really careful here Michi. You’ve had a friend who told you this guy is an “a hole”… you know that he doesn’t go for girls like you. That doesn’t mean he won’t fall for you. It just means that you need to make sure you aren’t ignoring red flags because of the dream that you have of what could happen.
 
Let me tell you something about yourself that you may or may not already know. When you’re attracted to someone… like you start to “feel it”… you fall for him… you get those butterflies in your stomach… whatever you want to call it.
 
When you’re attracted to a guy, you brush off things that you may normally look at as red flags. He might say something that you would normally categorize as an “a hole” thing to say… but since you’re attracted to him you think it’s cute, charming, funny, etc.
 
The other thing is that you haven’t given me any indication that he’s into you or that he’s made any moves on you or anything like that. Looking you in the eyes could be a number of different things including simply the fact that he’s confident. And letting down his walls doesn’t mean anything other than he feels comfortable around you… not that he’s romantically interested.
 
I also don’t know how you would know that he “almost panics” when he knows you’re there but can’t see you… did you catch him looking for you but not seeing you and almost panicking? It sounds a little bit like you may be romanticizing your interactions with him.  
 
You didn’t tell me what it is that you want here so I’m just going to leave you with this… the people we tend to get in the most trouble with (by that I mean falling for hard and then ending up with a broken heart) are the people who we feel the most attracted to… it’s the people who we feel like are out of our league and don’t know why they’d be into us in the first place.
 
Make sure you pay attention to red flags and ask other people about it… people who you know will be straight forward and honest with you. If you get a few people who tell you that you’re getting yourself into a bad situation, listen to them.
 
And make sure you do everything that I normally talk about… asking about deal breakers, making sure he’s relationship oriented, etc. Avoiding having real conversations about these topics and ignoring red flags is what gets most women into bad situations.