I need help figuring out how to get her back

Relationship Questions and AdviceCategory: Get My Ex BackI need help figuring out how to get her back
John asked 1 year ago

My girlfriend has had a very difficult time with growing up. When she was two her father left her family and continued to be a force of disarray in her life emotionally abusing her and not being helpful with any custody issues the family had with her sister (who has some health issues) or brother. This life has caused her to be almost acting as a second parent to the household (making dinner almost every night since around the age of 10, doing the whole families laundry, driving her sister to doctors appointments and such. All of this has lead her to push people away as her greatest fear in the world is being hurt by another person. ( I would describe her attachment style as dismissive avoidant when she is very stressed out.)Onto our relationship.Before we began dating we started off in the phase of friends who were in a will they won’t they state. She told me through that phase that she wouldn’t be able to handle me leaving for school and doesn’t do relationships because her life cannot handle it. Once we started dating things were amazing I have never been happier and she would say the same. But throughout the summer there was a fear about what we would do because I had o leave for school and she had told me so many times that she didn’t want me to leave and that she couldn’t handle me leaving. By the end of the summer we decided to stay together because I believed we could do it and she did as well. The first few days were very difficult on both of us she told me that she had cried for two days straight and that it broke her down seeing a seat belt unbuckled that I left buckled to keep a bag of groceries from slipping from the seat. After hearing this I decided to write her letters every week as well as texting and calling just to try and make it easier for her to deal with me being at school. I also worked hard to come home whenever I could to see her. At one point she drove down with my parents to come see me for a weekend. It was only about three or four weeks at the longest that we wouldn’t see each other and everything was working out great. We sometimes talked about the future having a family where we might live and her friends told me she had never done that with anyone. During Finals week she seemed to be upset about something she wouldn’t tell me about and I tried to talk to her about it and she wouldn’t. She was very emotional the night before I was headed home saying that I wasnt there for her when she really needed me to be there. It worried me hearing this and I left as soon as I could to get to her. The night I got home we had a dance to go to that was at her school and everything seemed fine there. The next week she got her wisdom tooth out and also revealed to me that her birth control had caused her to be on her period for two weeks and it most likely wasn’t going to stop until the new year when they switch the pills. That whole week became a huge stressor for her. During that week she also fell down stairs and sprained her ankle and her mother tore her rotary cuff. I did my best to see her and make sure everything was alright. A few days after Christmas she invited me over to do presents with each other. This is when she broke up with me. She told me she was too overwhelmed with stress to be able to handle a relationship and everything going on in her life at the moment. She wouldn’t accept the necklace I had bought for her.She said we could still be friends like we had before we started dating and I told her I didn’t want that. After this we didn’t speak to each other. I told some of her friends that we broke up and they told me that she would just need time and space and everything would be alright, “she just needs some time to get her life together”. She texted me the day after asking if I wanted to talk about why I didn’t want to be friends. I explained to her that it wouldn’t be fair to me for me to be friends with her and be in love with her. After this we spoke about me getting a Christmas present for a friend of hers that I also considered my friend. After that I told her I didn’t want to talk. Then it has been about a text a week with the conversation starting neutral and almost ending neutral but then it turns a bit hostile. I also made a mistake of breaking my sobriety after a friend of mine went into a coma in a car accident on New Years. She was livid finding out about this and thats what started the hostility of the second conversation we had. Ive done my best to focus on myself in the time apart but I still want to be with her and I’ve been given the impression by her friends and in the conversations with her that she still loves me. As well as the fact that she has been asking about my health issues and my drinking.